The Challenge
by RedneckAngel
Summary: A personal challenge to myself - Can I do umpteen million Twilight one shots.  Pairings vary.  See inside for more details...
1. Up Against The Wall

Up Against The Wall

**A/N: I was here on ffiction and I read a one-shot songfic by the name of Selfish. The song is by the group *N SYNC. The song is beautiful and the story was wonderful. I cried like a baby throughout the entire story until the lemon at the end. That one-shot got my plot bunnies to mating and having more and more plot bunnies which were hopping around in my head in a complete plot bunny frenzy…talk about annoying. In the end, I knew that I had to do something about it. (Ya know, to preserve what sanity I have left…ha-ha.)**

**So, here recently, I gave myself a personal challenge; I wanted to see if I could write a series of one-shot songfics based on each and **_**every**_** song that *N SYNC ever made (with the exceptions of the **_**traditional **_**Christmas songs on the Christmas CD). I'm going to start with the one that I'm most excited about and work my way from there. I know, I am a tremendously HUGE dork for trying to do this, especially to music that not a lot of people still listen to…I'm a non-closeted *N SYNC fan…so very sorry. :P The good news is that a few non-*N SYNC songs have called to me too, so there will be some of those throughout this whole massive mindfuckery. **

**I sat up all night on 8-21-10 with my best friend, Sara, who helped my plot bunnies behave long enough to get basic pairings for each story and some even have basic plotlines and/or guidelines to follow for them. Then, on the 22****nd****, we were searching for a specific destination in Homewood, AL and we kinda added the whole idea of 'why stop with just *N SYNC?' Why not go the distance and write mucho one-shots for any song that catches my plot bunnies' attention? (Hence the non - *N SYNC songfics…)**

**As it stands right now, I am sitting with 9 notebook pages of ideas for ideas for these one-shots. When it's all added up, I think I'm looking down the barrel of somewhere around 40 one-shots; sadly, the list is continuing to grow. I have not given up on **_**The Devil Wouldn't Recognize You**_**; it is just going on a **_**temporary**_** hiatus; it will continue to be worked on and **_**will**_** be finished. This challenge will give me an opportunity to take a short break from life at the Hampton Inn and all the drama that it includes in the story. If I don't take this much needed break from it, I will have a nervous breakdown and kill all the characters in a superhuge building explosion…that I caused myself…sorry…**_**LOTS**_** of work drama – sheesh, I'll just put it to you like this – I've come close **_**several**_** times to having a nervous breakdown at work…not a pretty sight.**

**Without further ado, here is the first of many…the name of the song is 'Up Against The Wall'. The pairing is Emmett/Rosalie. This is the one that I'm so psyched about. Don't forget to leave a review and let me know if you're as excited about this as I am or if I need to just shut the hell up and blow up the H.I. already.**

**P.S. – Just for argument's sake – all of my characters are on birth control…so no flames about lack of condomage. Thanks! :P**

**Enjoy!**

_Rosalie POV_

I was flying down the winding roads from Forks to Port Angeles in an effort to get to the club before my best friend Alice showed up.

I've always been one to want to make a grand entrance, but tonight was different. I had just seen the posted grades at my college. I was going to school for automotive repair and detailing. I had just completed my final yesterday.

_I passed!_

I was so thrilled with myself. I was gonna graduate on time! My father had promised me that _if _I graduated on time and with high enough marks, he would purchase a building for my first automotive repair shop to get my business off of the ground.

Ever since I was a little girl, I had always played with Matchbox cars. I would take them apart and put them back together. I did this as much as I was able to – moving up to helping my father fix his own Mercedes when it needed maintenance work as I grew older.

I would do this while the other girls would stay inside and played with their Barbie dolls. It never bothered me – I liked not having to deal with other squealing and giggling girls…they were annoying. I would always ending up fighting one of them, having my mother blister my ass with the paddle and then I would throw a tantrum because the other stupid little bitch started it.

This, without a doubt, set me apart from the other girls at school. I fought constantly because at any given moment in time, one of the dumb whores would get cocky for a second and try to pick on me for being a 'grease monkey'.

It was soon all over school that I was not one to fuck with.

Shortly after that first fight, my father bought my first nose job for me due to the lucky bitch landing a cheap shot to my nose while I was otherwise occupied with trying to get her other hand to let go of my hair.

I can't stand girls who choose to pull hair and scratch during a fight. Fuck – if you want to act like a man and fight, at least be woman enough not to fucking act like a pussy. Throw a fucking punch bitch, because that _one_ punch is all your ass is gonna get – after you land it, I'm takin' your skank ass down.

I hadn't told Alice that I was actually graduating yet – I wanted to tell her tonight at the club. For the first time in a long time, I finally felt like I had something to celebrate.

My plan was gonna be to drink myself sober.

I was lost in my own thoughts as I navigated my fire engine red Mitsubishi Eclipse through the tight curves of the road.

I hadn't even noticed my speed until I heard a siren behind me and saw the flashing blue lights in my rearview mirror.

_God damn it Rose!_ I scolded myself, looking down at my speedometer. _Going 89 MPH in a 40 MPH zone definitely is gonna attract attention. Motherfucker! Just what I needed tonight – a huge ass speeding ticket._

I slowed down so that I could pull over and began fuming as I saw the cop car continue to follow me only inches from my back bumper.

_You fucking asshole!_ I seethed, _If you hit my fucking baby, I'm so gonna own your stupid hick ass!_

I gingerly maneuvered my car onto the shoulder, put it in park, and gripped the steering wheel tightly with both hands to hopefully keep a firm lock on my temper.

I looked into my side mirror in time to see a mountain sized man in uniform approach my window.

"Got someplace to be in a hurry?" he asked stupidly.

I took a steadying breath and replied, "I'm sorry for going so fast sir, I guess I'm just excited. I just found out that I will be able to graduate with the rest of my class. I know that you probably get all kinds of excuses from speeders, but I really am sorry."

I was trying really hard to sound contrite so that he would just give me a warning and let me go; at this rate, I would definitely not make it to the club before Alice.

He looked at me over his aviator sunglasses and smirked at me, making my blood boil, "Well, congratulations on your achievement, but there's no excuse for endangering the general population with your reckless female driving."

I was beginning to see red and my verbal filter instantly cut off; I snarled at him, "Well, you should be the one to talk! Since you weren't pulling my hair, you had no business riding my ass, _Officer_!"

Apparently, he didn't too much care for my sarcasm because his smirk vanished and he opened my door with a quick, "Miss, I'm gonna need you to step out of the car."

I had the itching urge to smack my forehead, but I got out as he requested.

The radio clipped to his belt chirped to life with a female voice, "Officer McCarthy, the Eclipse is registered to a Miss Rosalie Hale – seven prior arrests for assault and battery with intent to do bodily harm. Charges were dropped and no jail time was served. Be careful with her – she's known for being a handful. Please call for backup if you need assistance."

Officer McCarthy raised his eyebrow at me, that damned smirk firmly back in place on his face, "So, I got me a fighter here, do I? I'm gonna need to check you for weapons, Miss. Please assume the position; I gather that you know it well? Hands on the roof of the car, feet spread please?"

I ground my teeth together; I hated being frisked. It was just an excuse for any of the male cops to shamelessly grope me without worrying about me beating the shit out of them.

Regardless of my feelings on the whole situation, I smacked my hands loudly on the top of the trunk, and spread my feet shoulder-width apart.

I kept repeating to myself to be calm and it would be over soon, but my heart was racing.

In all honesty, Officer McCarthy was hot as hell from what I could see of him.

I stood as still as a statue as he came up behind me and began at my shoulders and ran his hands down my back.

His strong hands lightly patted over my jean pockets before firmly grabbing my ass. He only grasped it for a minute before he patted each of my legs down and continued to frisk his way back up, lingering on my hips. He allowed his thick arms to wrap around my torso before his hands found my breasts, squeezing them gently but not letting them go.

I suppressed a moan at his boldness but could not stop the hiss that escaped my teeth.

He brought his mouth to my ear and whispered gruffly, "Well, Miss Hale, it seems that you aren't carrying any weapons on your person, except for these," he squeezed my chest in emphasis, "but I don't see why I would have to take you in. Please just be more careful in the future. You have no idea how your actions affect other people."

He ground his obvious arousal into my backside before letting me go completely, walked swiftly to his cruiser, getting in and driving away in a cloud of dust.

I stood there frozen and breathing harshly for the longest time. I knew deep down that I should have been horrified and even pissed off at his invasion of my personal space, but I just couldn't bring myself to be anything but ridiculously turned on.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

_EMPOV_

I flew down the road, away from the blonde bombshell that had me more than willing to turn into one of those asshole cops who abuse their power by sexually harassing any female that they come in contact with while their badge is on.

I had joined the academy because my father was a fireman and had instilled a deeply rooted need to help care for others.

Sadly, I wasn't serious enough a student to go to medical school and I have been scared shitless of fires ever since my father lost one of the men on his crew due to a collapsed roof during a routine call.

With those shortcomings, I wasn't left with so many options.

I had never stepped one foot out of line in the four years that I had been a cop. I was good at what I did and I tried my damnedest to act morally in all situations when I was on the clock.

She started the war within me. My hopeless romantic side warred endlessly with the side of me that was pure, red-blooded, American man.

_That woman…_

**Yes, fucker…that woman about cost you your career!**

_She has the potential to be the mother of all…fifteen…of my children!_

**Fifteen? You're being an awfully cocky son of a bitch, aren't you? How on earth do you figure that you two would have fifteen children together?**

_I couldn't live with the idea of her setting one foot outside of our bedroom…and the kitchen counters…and the couch in the living room…and the bathtub…and the grass out in the backyard, hell, at this point in time, I might even go for the front yard…just so that any men in my neighborhood will know that she's mine! If she never does anything in her life other than keep any and all orifices wrapped around my dick, I would die a happy man…_

**Holy fucking shit man! Do you hear yourself? What happened to "fuck 'em and leave 'em"? Remember man, women are too much trouble! Do you remember Tanya? She just about liberated you from your second in command dude!**

Sadly, I DO remember Tanya. I also remember the scars that run along the deep and muscled V that points directly to my second in command.

Bitch had been drinking Vodka and decided spur-of-the-moment-style that I was fucking her much older and not near as hot sister, Irina.

Thankfully, I had my taser gun beside the bed, or she would have cut my dick completely off – I'm talking about Lorena Bobbitt style.

After the Tanya incident, I threw myself into working out. I joined a gym, ran five miles a day and then went to work for twelve hour shifts at a time.

I had always been overweight – the last thing that my fat ass needed were these _huge_ jagged scars which made me feel even more self conscious – even if I had been able to get rid of every available ounce of fat from my body and had managed to build more muscle mass than I had thought possible.

Truthfully, I know – if the girl is worth it, she wouldn't care if I had three eyes, half a nose **and** size triple Z huge ass hairy man boobs. She would love me regardless, but I can't deny the fact that my new body pleases me – more importantly, it pleases every girl that has had the pleasure of witnessing its glory.

As if I needed any more issues with my self worth, my two best friends were like gods.

Fuck, I can say that. I'm secure enough in my masculinity that I feel comfortable saying if I were a chick, I'd be all over that shit.

But I'm a dude.

My first and oldest friend, Edward, was a sex god. His wife, Bella was pregnant with their third child already. Shit, they had only been married for a little over three years! I swear he likes to keep her pregnant. He says that she glows when she's expecting – I don't see the glow; all I see is the bitch who keeps him up at all hours of the night going to the nearest 24 hour grocery store to get her the weird shit that she 'craves'. The most disgusting concoction that she has come up with thus far has been black olives, tuna and pecan praline ice cream…mixed together…

Like I said, _disgusting_.

And he kisses her after she eats that shit. Ugh.

That brings me to my other 'brother'. Jasper transferred in the middle of our freshman year in high school. He is originally from Texas and has all the girls wrapped around his pinkie fingers…both of them. He would need both hands and feet to account for all the girls that he juggles.

Talk about pimp. He never dates the same girl twice. He is actually the one who bestowed upon me the life motto that I go by – fuck 'em and leave 'em. He told me, right after the incident that we have dubbed as 'Hurricane Tanya', that there wasn't a bitch that was worth all the crying and depression that I went through with her.

That brings me back to Rosalie Hale.

_Jesus, that woman…_

**Bitch, don't start that shit again!**

I growled quietly while I sat in the driveway at my house. Ms. Hale was my last offender of the night and I was officially off the clock as of twenty minutes ago.

There was only one thing to do – go the fuck out and find a girl to help me fuck Rosalie right out of my mind.

I quickly called the two guys who not only would understand where I was coming from; they would also fully support me in this endeavor. I told them to meet me at the club in Port Angeles, the one that seemed to have the largest turn out of single women, in an hour.

By the end of the night, I wouldn't even remember her name.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

_RPOV_

I had just gotten through telling Alice and Angela about the asshole cop who temporarily detained me from the club when the slightly frazzled looking waitress came up to our table again with a tray full of drinks.

"Hey Rose," she greeted me quickly – she only knew my name because I was always here…they say borderline alcoholic like it's a bad thing… "_This_ round is from the group of guys sitting over there…" she gestured to the group of five or so businessmen still in their expensive suits, "they said if you are feeling the need for a little conversation, they have all night to talk."

I grabbed the glass that she set down in front of me and downed it quickly before turning to face her again, "Thanks Jessica, but please tell them when you make it back over there that I am a post-op transsexual and have _no_ urge whatsoever to conversate with their penises this evening."

I smiled sweetly at her. She blushed a lovely maroon color before mumbling something about 'the boss not paying me enough to deal with this horseshit'.

Alice threw her head back and laughed her tinkling laugh, "Really, Rose? Those guys were nice enough to buy us each a few drinks, the least you can do is nod a thank you to them."

"Right…Alice, have you hit the crackpipe today? If I do so much as even look in their direction, they are gonna take it as I'm seriously lusting after their bodies…I don't think there's enough liquor in this bar to make me want their nasty, STD-infested dicks within a five foot radius of me." I replied harshly.

I instantly felt bad about it because it was not anyone's fault that I was kept from good friends and good liquor for a half an hour due to a really hot and extraordinarily infuriating cop.

She picked up on my immediate spiral downward and chimed, "Well. Why don't you feast your eyes on the _fiiine_ fuckers that just got up from the bar! That should make everything better. You can flirt with any of them, take your pick to the nearest horizontal surface – hell vertical might be more fun – and fuck the cop right out of your system." She finished this new and astonishingly awesome idea with a wink.

God, I love my girls! They always know what is wrong with me and the correct combination of booze and dick to get me over it.

I swiveled my chair to see which guys she was talking about and came face to face with the most incredible electric blue eyes I have ever seen.

I went through a carousal of emotions before I settled on the two that were most prominent; complete and utter shock and undeniable lust.

"Well, Ms. Hale – it's good to see that you made it here in one piece."

Fuck. It was _Officer_ McCarty.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

_EMPOV_

When we reached the club, I stood outside with Eddie and Jazz for about a half an hour pissing and moaning about the now infamous Rosalie Hale.

They finally succeeded in pulling me from my blonde la-la land and drug me inside to get some 40+ proof liquor in my bloodstream.

We went to the bar and downed a few shots apiece. I was steeling myself for my fourth shot when Jazz whistled.

"Man, talk about grade-A ass! You must be a good luck charm tonight. Look towards the back, dude…there are not 1, but 3 perfect distractions waiting on their opportunity. Especially the blonde." Jazz said conspiratorially, "If you're really lucky – they might be up to sharing and you can experience all three!"

I stared at him like he was insane, but let my eyes wander over to the table.

At first, I observed them – there was a really cute girl with chocolate brown hair to her shoulders and glasses…_nah, we've done the girl-next-door types and they get too attached too quickly_…a small girl who reminded me of a fairy, all short, black, spiky hair and small curves… _Em, snap out of it man! She looks like a twelve year old boy! You don't need that type of attention from the force…_and a chick I couldn't get a good look at.

She was obviously very well endowed – her hips were wide and her tits were big enough that when she stretched her arms over her head, the outside curves of them were visible to either side of her ribcage under her arms. Her long and shiny blonde hair flowed down to a little past the middle of her spine.

Sadly the first thing that came to mind was Ms. Hale's earlier words, "Since you weren't pulling my hair, you had no business riding my ass, _Officer_!"

I was imagining myself ramming into her hard from behind, pulling her hair tighter as I shot my load into her eager center.

It was during this image that I knew, without a doubt, that the blonde was Rosalie Hale.

Without saying a word to either of my friends, I stood from my chair and walked in long strides to her.

She turned to face me and I just couldn't help myself, "Well, Ms. Hale – it's good to see that you made it here in one piece."

Her momentary look of shock and anger thrilled me…she knew who I was! Outside of the uniform!

Sadly, the thrill was short-lived as she released the shock and grasped firmly to the anger side of her emotions.

"Why, yes, _Officer_, I did make it here in one piece; _reckless female driving_ be damned. No thanks to you, I got here a half an hour late **and** managed to miss out on happy hour! Now, I have to settle on paying full price for my liquor…" she spat at me before the boyish looking one cut her off.

"But Rose," she began – designated voice of reason and all, "_you_ haven't paid for the first drink here tonight yet. Every last drink you have gotten has come from random guys hoping to get lucky tonight."

Rosalie blushed adorably and held her hand up to her friend, insisting, "Not now, Alice! That's neither here, nor there; I'm just alerting the **kind** _Officer_ to the situation that HE decided to put me in tonight. Whether or not I'm actually dealing with that situation right now is not the point."

My temper flared at the thought of _random guys_ buying shit for her and I lost all control over my ability to be less than the prick I knew I was capable of, "Well now, _Ms. Hale_, I don't see how it was _my_ fault that _you_ decided that more than **twice** the normal speed limit was acceptable! I should have just taken your ass in when I had the chance!"

My fists were balled up at my sides as she continued our verbal sparring match, "Maybe you didn't take me in because you were worried about the lawsuit that I'm more than within my rights to file, what with you copping a feel on my tits and all! You are such a self important asshole! I swear – first available moment, we are getting the fuck out of here. I refuse to let something as insignificant as _you_ ruin my day any more than you already have!"

By the end of her tirade, she was shrieking and I was shaking in fury.

No other person has ever been able to make me this angry before.

Seriously, I felt like at any time I was going to burst out of my clothes in all of my neon green, naked glory and knock down half of downtown Tokyo. Small screaming townsfolk be damned…

I was pulled from my somewhat amusing daydream by Edward and Jasper pulling me away from her by my arms.

What finally got me to give up the fight and go with them was when the callous hag had the nerve to smirk at me, turn back to face her friends and acted like I didn't even exist.

I knew then and there – she was gonna notice me and I _would_ have her screaming for other reasons before I fell asleep.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

_RPOV_

I turned my back to the trembling man behind me and threw myself into a conversation with my girls with more excitement than was necessary.

I couldn't help it – he infuriated me, but in the same aspect – I've never wanted any man so badly before in my life.

The DJ had finally arrived and deep, thumping bass began to fill the air around us.

Alice squealed loudly before dragging Angela and I from the table to go to the dance floor with her. Alice was never one to want to dance alone.

Bad part is, most of the hottest sex I'd ever had was because of Alice and Angela grinding on me while we were on the floor.

Determined to let go and have a good time, I threw myself into the music as best I could.

I waved my hips to the beat and before I knew it, I was lost in the trance of the music.

We continued to dance for an immeasurable amount of time and I wasn't even aware of the girls stepping away from me until I felt strong, hot hands grab my hips.

I was pulled back into a muscular chest and pelvis but was too gone to care.

My mind was screaming for me to pay attention to the familiar feeling of these hands on my hips and his pelvis against my ass, but it felt much too good and far too right…I couldn't step away even if I wanted to.

The song changed to something with a little more bounce and I turned to look again into the most startling blue eyes I'd ever seen.

My lust and irritation began warring with themselves – I had no idea as to which was gonna win.

The only thing I could do was to show him that there was no way in hell that I was playing this time. If he was gonna try some stupid shit again – I was game; but he was gonna get a bona fide bitch.

I pushed him backwards until he couldn't move anymore. I was happy with the fact that he let me push him back so easily and decided to reward him a little before making him pay for his earlier indiscretions.

I turned my back to him and ground my ass into his groin.

I smirked at Alice's knowing smile – she sat at the table with Angela and the two guys that McCarthy was with as they all watched me work this fucker over.

After some positively stripper-worthy moves, I turned around to face him with a smug grin on my face. His eyes were glazed and it looked like he was gritting his teeth in effort.

That shit was gonna stop. right. now.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

_EMPOV_

Rosalie was grinding into my hips like I hope she would do if we were alone and I had to grit my teeth together to keep from moaning at the contact.

From her movements alone, I was solid.

I was trying in vain to behave like the gentleman my father raised me to be, but fuck if she wasn't making it hard…urm…difficult.

The DJ played one bass-laden song after another and she continued her assault on my second in command. Just when I thought that this couldn't get any better, she proved me wrong…again.

She flung her hair back to me and turned so that she was only inches away from my face.

I sucked in a sharp breath and couldn't stop the involuntary rolling of my eyes in my head at the blatant lustful expression that adorned her face.

She leaned in close to me and whispered in my ear, "Now. Let's see if you like the same treatment you give all of your…suspects."

She licked the shell of my ear before gathering both of my large wrists in her lithe hand and pinning them up against the wall above my head. She took her free hand and turned me to face the wall, kicking my feet apart.

She worked that hand over my back pockets, and after hissing a warning for me to stay completely still, she began rubbing down each of my legs, stopping only to squeeze the inside of my thighs…avoiding altogether the one place I wanted her hand the most.

Rosalie then stood up behind me and began to run her hands over the muscles in my arms and chest, stopping only to lightly tease my nipples.

I was certain at that point in time that I could have easily died a happy man right then and there.

As a finale of sorts, she brought her hands down to my hips, grinding once more into me – this time into the hard muscles of my ass and moved her hands around to the front of my already too tight jeans and grasped my length in both of her hands.

Shit! This girl _was_ at the top of her class. She was the master of the tease.

**Let me bow to the Queen!**

_Dammit man!_

**Sorry!**

She leaned into my back, pulling my head toward her and murmured the single sexiest comment ever, "So, do you remember when you pulled me over earlier?" I had no choice but to nod dumbly, "Well, I was thinking that maybe, just maybe I would like that riding lesson I was talking about to you…ya know? I'd love for you to pull my hair…"

She trailed off suggestively and left me standing there dumbstruck as she turned on her heel and walked out of the club, swinging her hips at me and only turned her head back once to see if I was following her.

Fuck if I wasn't.

I raced after her at speeds I wasn't aware I was capable of and caught up to her right by the driver's side of her car.

I couldn't hold out any longer, I grabbed her roughly by the hips and pulled her to me.

I kissed her so hard that my teeth rattled and I was certain that her perfect lips would be bruised tomorrow morning.

I couldn't find it in me to care as I pushed my hands forcefully up under her shirt and moaned loudly when my rough hands met the silk and lace of her bra clad breasts.

She groaned before rubbing the front of her jeans against mine – making me lose my shit altogether.

I squeezed her a little less gently than I had intended, but she seemed to be into it. She arched her back so that her chest pressed more firmly into my palms.

My eyes rolled at the feeling and I bit my lip, trying hard to make myself think of dead Labrador puppies…my naked grandma…my naked grandma mounting a _very_ naked pawpaw…anything to keep me from messing up my boxers. God knows I still had to ride home in the damn things.

"Mmmm…" she moaned loudly, "Officer McCarthy! I need…mmm…"

Damn, how it sounded when she called me Officer….

"Ms. Hale, please call me Emmett – seeing as how in a few short seconds, I'm gonna be buried to the balls in you," I growled as I began to unbutton her jeans with one hand, "And while I'm thinking about it, don't even think about being in control over this," I said, gripping her tightly with my other hand, "tonight is mine – you can be the controlling bitch next time!"

Honestly, I expected her to slap me, tell me to get the fuck off of her and go back inside to her friends, but once again, she surprised me by writhing against my body, "Control me then, _Emmett_! Fuckin' do something – I'm about to die over here!"

I throbbed painfully against the seam in my jeans and jerked her jeans and…oh God…silk thong down her perfect legs and over her heels.

I made quick work of the zipper of my jeans and pulled my dick out, stroking it a few times before getting back to the job at hand.

Not caring in the least about anyone possibly seeing us, I grabbed her by the waist and lifted her up so that we were aligned. She wrapped her legs around me, crossing her ankles at the top of my ass and dropped her hips so that her heat could tease my manhood.

I hissed at the sensation and while holding on to her with one arm, grabbed my cock with my free hand, sliding it up along her second set of lips.

She whimpered at the feeling as I slid up to her clit, making a few lazy circles before sliding back down to her entrance. I made the slow circuit several times, relishing in the feeling of her so close to making all my wildest dreams come true.

She sighed when at long last I slid my length into her as I continued to grit my teeth.

Once she was fully seated on my cock, I stilled for a moment to allow her to grow accustomed to my size, which I noticed with a smug grin filled her completely.

She tried to take control a few times, moving her hips against me. I already told her that it wasn't fucking happening.

I pushed her hard against the car, time and again until she finally got it that _I_ was the master tonight. She would still instantly, waiting for me to pick up a rhythm.

I quickly walked to the hood of her car, laying her back onto the still warm metal before pounding into her as hard as I had wanted to since seeing her for the first time.

She squealed gutturally as I continued my thrusting. Her walls began to tighten against me and I knew that she was coming close.

"Ms. Hale," I warned gruffly and before I could say another word, she cut me off, "Call me Rose, Emmett!" "Rose," I said, my voice deepening with the new advancement that we had just made, "you don't cum until I tell you to. Do you hear me?"

She lolled her head to the side and cried out, "Yes, Em! Oh, God, Yes!"

I unrelentingly drove into her, until I felt myself coming unglued. "Go now, Rose. Cum for me baby. I want to _feel_ it."

She growled at me before thrashing her head from side to side and moaning as her walls clenched unrelentingly onto my length and her orgasm washed over her. She began to milk my cock and my thrusts began to become faster and erratic.

I felt my release come and I leaned my head back as I emptied myself into her waiting depths. I groaned as I felt the last jet leave my body to the contractions that she was still having.

My knees began to give out and I rested against her body, still on the hood of her car. We were both breathing heavily as I looked deep into her eyes.

For a moment, I could almost believe that this was more than just sex.

Only for a moment – then my internal tirade began.

_Wow! That was just amazing!_

**Yeah, it's sad that we will never get a repeat performance. No doubt that she is going to just go right on in there and tell her friends how she just showed the asshole cop a thing or two.**

_She wouldn't. She couldn't! Not after that piece of perfection!_

**She is female, asshole. Remember, you also thought that Hurricane Tanya was impossible too…do you want an instant replay?**

_Rosalie could never be as sick and twisted as Tanya!_

**Wanna bet, Em? She is female…**

_Like they are _all_ like that…asshole!_

She smiled at me, oblivious to my presumptuous internal conversation, "Emmett, I don't want to be a killjoy, but my ass is getting cold. Also, I'd like to get to either your place or mine so that we don't have to worry about going to jail."

I laughed at her worry over going to jail, "What do you mean, my place or your place? Wasn't this just a onetime thing? Ya know, so that you can tell your friends about how you got one up on the asshole cop that pulled you over?"

Her face fell and her bitch façade was immediately back in place, "What? Is that what this was to you? Just an opportunity to have a story to tell your _boys_ back inside about how you fucked the girl that you caught speeding?"

She raised her hand to slap me and I caught it, bringing it to my chest and holding it there, "No, Rosalie, this was an opportunity for me to apologize to the beautiful woman I met earlier in hopes to start something more meaningful than a court date."

Her eyes brightened slightly and she leaned in to kiss me, "Well, then. That changes everything. Now, _Officer_, your place or mine?"

I smiled at her change of heart and pulled her from the car to my embrace – it seems that a routine traffic stop would end up changing my life after all.

**A/N: So…how was it? Be easy now, lol. Just remember, not all of these are going to be all human. There is gonna be some vampy lovin' too. Also, there will be unusual pairings…it's gonna be the shit!**

**I'm very excited…especially about the next one…**_**Everything I Own**_**. It will be Alice/Bella pairings…kinda. It's extremely gut wrenching. I know – I got that shit playing in my head right now…gonna be sad…bring lots of tissues.**

**Below are the words for **_**Up Against The Wall**_**, just in case you wondered where this one came from.**

_**"Up Against The Wall"**__****_

You know we don't care at all  
let me see you up, up against the wall

I was just doin' my thing  
Hanging out at the spot  
You know the place we go  
The music's john blaze hot  
And everybody was feeling the DJ (the DJ)  
Smoke cleared and I saw a beautiful lady

The lights went low  
and the disco ball came down  
She walked up to me slow  
and you know what happens now  
The girl was fine and she knew she had game  
What more do I have to say?

She took my hand  
We never said a word at all  
She starting grinding  
Shorty had me up against the wall  
Ask me about tomorrow  
You know that I don't care at all  
I just got caught up when  
She had me up against the wall

You know we don't care at all  
Just get caught up when you're up against the wall  
We don't, we don't care at all (you know we don't care at all, let me see you up, up, up against the wall)

It's almost 2 o'clock  
It's time to make my move  
The after hours spot  
Is where I'm going to  
Cause I gotta have some more  
Looking for somebody to hit the dance floor  
And lucky for me  
I see a fine young lady's eying me  
The lights are low  
and our friends were all around  
I walked up to her slow  
and you know what happens now  
She turned around  
and she worked in the worst way  
What more, do I have to say?

She took my hand  
We never said a word at all  
We starting grinding  
Shorty had me up against the wall  
Ask me about tomorrow  
You know that I don't care at all  
I just got caught up when  
She had me up against the wall  
Shorty had me up against the wall

Mirror mirror on the wall  
Who's the cutest one you saw?  
She's underneath the disco ball, the disco ball, the disco ball  
Standing next to strobe lights  
Dancin' hot, looking tight  
The freak show do come out at night, out at night, night, night, night..

What more do I have to say?  
She took my hand  
We never said a word at all  
We starting grinding  
Shorty had me up against the wall  
Ask me about tomorrow  
You know that I don't care at all  
I just got caught up when  
She had me up against the wall

She took my hand  
We never said a word at all  
We starting grinding  
Shorty had me up against the wall  
Ask me about tomorrow  
You know that I don't care at all  
I just got caught up when  
She had me up against the wall  
Shorty had me up against the wall

I just got caught up when you had me up against the wall  
We don't, we don't care at all  
You just get caught up when you're up against the wall  
We don't, we don't care at all  
You know we don't care at all  
Let me see you up, up against the wall  
We don't, we don't care at all  
You know we don't care at all  
You just get caught up when you're up against the wall  
We don't, we don't care at all  
You know we don't care at all  
Let me see you up, up against the wall  



	2. Everything I Own

Everything I Own

**A/N: Okay, here goes #2. This is something that I'm not used to writing – supersad, angst filled stories…so just bear with me.**

**Fair warning…I don't really think that there's going to be a happy ending for our characters in this one…granted, it could write itself differently, but if it goes along with how it is in my mind, it will NOT have a happy ending. In this version of the story, Alice will be able to see the wolves – they will not show up as blind spots.**

**This story takes place near the end of Eclipse – around the time of the newborn attack. So yes, there will be vampires.**

**Sorry in advance for any of those who I make sad by my choices alone.**

**This story is dedicated to my mom – she's spending her 69****th**** birthday in Heaven…I love you and miss you mama!**

_**Disclaimer that should have been in the first one – **_**I am not now, nor will I ever be SM. I do not own anything in relation to Twilight…which will be so evident in this story…so please take this disclaimer with you to the stories preceding and following this one. I also do not have **_**any**_** rights to the music that is inspiring these stories. :P**

**So…here we go. Got tissues? Good.**

_APOV_

My breathing came faster as the too-hot hands belonging to the face that I could not see trailed up my naked thighs. I leaned my head back and moaned.

This felt too right.

My muscles clenched tightly as I began to shudder with the orgasm that was coursing through my body.

Finally, as the tremors began to fade, I felt lips that were also a much higher temperature than my Jasper's touch my own. I opened myself up to the kiss and deepened it, allowing my tongue to stroke the one silently asking for entrance.

My hands, of their own accord, reached up and tangled in the long hair of my lover.

Somewhat shocked, I broke the kiss and leaned away to get a good look and was even more stunned to see chocolate brown eyes looking lovingly into my own.

Oh, my God!

_Bella_!

I snapped myself out of the vision, visibly shaking.

This vision made no sense! Edward had just taken her to their campsite for the night. Tomorrow we would be fighting newborns for Bella.

For the past couple days, I had been getting all kinds of odd visions – none really staying concrete for that long. I had seen everything from us losing the battle – every single member of our family dying, to the wolves going crazy and killing every vampire in the clearing – Carlisle and the rest of us included, to us obliterating the opposition but at the cost of our family; the strain of battle would be too much and every last one of us would part ways, mates or not.

This newest vision shook me to my very core. What did it mean? I was _with_ Bella.

She loved me…in more ways than one…

Truthfully, I couldn't say that the idea was a bad one to me.

I searched deeper into the vision, trying desperately to see the others in the vision.

After where I had pulled myself out of the vision, I stepped back into it. Jasper was nuzzling up to a pale female vampire with a short haircut…she actually looked a lot like me…just with no pixie hair. Her dark brown hair almost glowed…along with the evident love and joy that she shimmered with. Her own golden eyes shined with unabashed devotion.

I felt no jealousy….odd…

Edward was sitting on the stairs with another female vampire whose shoulder length curly copper brown hair waved slightly with the giggles that she was trying in vain to suppress. They were obviously in love.

What in the hell is wrong with my visions?

Everyone else had to have been out hunting; I had seen their things around the house, but they were not there.

There was no doubt in my mind that everything in that future was happy.

Wait!

In that future, I'm with Bella…

?

Was I okay with being with Bella?

?

I mean, sure – I love her but…

Oh, my God!

I _love_ Bella!

I pulled myself out of that future just to be face to face with the alarmed eyes of my husband.

"Al, babe! What's wrong? Did you have another vision? Was it bad?" He rattled off questions faster than I could answer them so I just sat there dumbly with my mouth hanging open.

Almost immediately, the rest of my family surrounded us, urging me to talk to them as Jasper gently shook my shoulders to try to snap me out of my stupor.

I heard what each of them were saying, but I couldn't make myself respond to comfort them with the knowledge that we weren't all gonna die in blazes of glory.

I looked from one member of my family to the other until I finally set on my big brother's eyes.

Emmett's eyes weren't shining in fear as everyone else's was – his were full of concern…for me. I did the best I could for him and offered him a small smile.

I finally was able to get my shocked limbs to cooperate with me and before I had made any conscious decision to so, I was running through Esme's picture window facing the forest and began flying through the yard into the heart of the forest.

I heard my family's shocked collective gasp and then heard the sound of two sets of feet beating a path directly behind me.

Vampire instincts be damned, I whirled on my brother and my husband, prepared to defend myself.

Emmett was holding both of his hands up in a nonthreatening way; his way of showing me that he was just here for support – my husband's hands, on the other hand, were reaching towards me to hold me…something I damn sure wasn't ready to accept yet.

There was so much I had to say to him.

"Alice. Baby. Please tell me what you saw. I have never felt so much fear from anyone before," Jasper's voice cut through the protective layer of my thoughts and I felt his subtle gift working to calm me down, "Are we all in danger? Do we need to go to Edward and Bella now? What's goin' on?"

I had never heard Jasper sound so bewildered before.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves before I began to tell him of my vision.

"Jazz, I saw you with a female vampire…" I started, but before I could continue, he cut me off, "Are you sayin' that I'm gonna lose you in battle tomorrow?" "Well, not exactly. I also saw Edward with a female vampire."

Em's booming laugh echoed from the trees surrounding us, "We know that he will be changing Bella soon, so that is no big surprise. And you ain't got shit to worry about Jazz here – he's completely devoted to you…hence the ring on both of yall's fingers…"

His look was one of a person speaking to a two year old. I shot him a look that made him shut right up, "It wasn't Bella."

I opened my mouth to continue and _again_ Jasper cut me off, "Edward and I are both gonna lose ya'll? I _will_ protect you, Alice and Edward will protect Bella – even if we die doin' it. Em is right, I'm completely devoted to you. I would never let anyone hurt you, even myself, surely you know that."

I understood what he was saying, but it didn't stop the rage that began coursing through my body at being cut off again.

Jesus, I hate that shit.

I punched the nearest tree to me, making it explode into sawdust and splinters, "Fuck! Both of ya'll just shut up! You want to know what's wrong and I keep trying to tell ya'll and then you fuckers keep cutting me off! Do you want to know what the hell I saw or not?"

I crossed my arms over my chest and waited, my face scrunched up in anger. I looked from Emmett to Jasper and back again quickly.

They both were shocked into silence and I took it as a sign for me to continue, "Yes, I saw both of you with female vampires…no, ya'll will not lose us in battle…yes, we are all happy! In the newest vision I had, everyone lives through it and everyone is happy and _with whom_ they are supposed to be with! Bella and I end up together! I don't want to hurt you, Jasper, but you **will** be happier with this new vamp. As will Edward. He will no longer have to worry about loving his mate with reservations. He will finally be able to be the boyfriend that he has always wanted to be for Bella. Honestly…look me in the eyes and tell me that things have felt as good with us as they used to…"

I looked deeply into his eyes and saw the profound hurt he was feeling.

I knew that I was gonna hurt him with the new knowledge that I now possessed, but it was inevitable.

Back when I was waiting for him to show up in that diner, I had gotten initial visions of us having a more familial relationship. I'm not really sure when that changed and we ended up together, but somehow we messed it up – I had even told him that he was meant to be my _brother_ all those years ago.

Jasper let out an agonized cry and dropped to his knees, grasping his hair tightly, "No, it hasn't felt the same, but doesn't every couple go through somethin' like that? I just figured that we were in our rut. I don't know if I can live without lovin' you, darlin'…"

His shoulders shook with his invisible sobs and I knelt down beside him, running my hands soothingly through his hair, "Of course you will always love me, Jasper – but now, it will be like it should have always been. I still love you and always will, it's just that I love you like I love Emmett…tell me that you love me differently than you love Rose or Esme and I will drop it now. We will go on like nothing happened and we will have another wedding to reaffirm our vows after the battle. But, in your heart of hearts, tell me that it's what you want…that it's what's best for both of us…"

I waited silently as he looked deeper in himself and I knew instantly when he found out what he really felt.

He let out one more grief-stricken cry and completely collapsed onto the ground sobbing for the death of his marriage.

In his infinite pain, he began project.

Emmett couldn't take the sudden anguish and took off flying toward the house, bawling like he had just lost Rose.

My small frame bent under the heavy weight of his agony and I cried with him for the failure of our relationship and for the heartache that I was going to inflict on Edward tomorrow.

I sincerely hoped that my brother would forgive me.

I knew as soon as he met the curly headed female that he would be okay and he would understand.

We sat weeping for hours…only stopping finally when Jasper had cried himself out and drew me into a crushing hug.

"Darlin' we need to be gettin' back to our family. We will need to get to the clearin' soon, right? We got to go protect our family…and fight for our future with our mates." He said gently as he squared his shoulders and stood up, placing me on my own two feet.

"Yes, it won't be long now, the sun is coming up. I just want to say…thank you, Jazz. Thank you for all the years of love and commitment to me that you spent. When you meet her, Jazz…your whole world is gonna light up. I think that you're gonna meet her soon…maybe today in battle. Just…well, thank you. From the bottom of my cold, dead heart, thank you. I love you Jazz."

I quickly stood up on my tiptoes and kissed his lips quickly.

"Let's go, Major Whitlock."

He smiled peacefully and grabbed my hand, immediately running back to the house so that we could get cleaned up and change before having to leave to get to the clearing.

Each member of our family was silently standing around the living room of the house in various poses of anxiety.

In the time we were gone, the window that I demolished had been fixed and they were all wearing the clothing that they would be wearing during the battle.

Jasper and I said our quiet hellos to each member of the family before rushing up the stairs to shower and change.

He left me in our bathroom and went to the one across the hallway.

During my shower, I heard the rest of the family downstairs talking about what Em had witnessed in the forest.

There were mumblings of shock and anger as well as compassion from each of them. Rose was terribly angry that I had hurt her twin (for all intensive purposes) brother. Em was still shocked beyond belief. Carlisle and Esme were both compassionate and were feeling quite badly about what this was going to do to us.

I jumped from the shower, quickly drying off and running downstairs.

I came to a skidding halt only feet away from the rest of my family.

I couldn't help when Jasper broke the uneasiness by saying in his 'Major Whitlock voice', "Time to get to ground zero, ya'll."

Everyone grabbed their mate's hand and out the door we went.

I was able to think during our run across the fields and through the trees.

How on earth was I going to talk to Edward about this? I suppose the best way for this to happen would be for me to just _show_ him the vision and hope that he didn't rip me apart and burn the pieces. Shit! How was I gonna approach Bella on this? Right now she was desperately in love with Edward. No matter what she decided, I was irrevocably changed with that vision. There was no going back for me. I was head over heels in love with her.

Jasper chuckled quietly beside me as we ran, "Soon, Al, soon. I have to believe this is gonna work out. If you want me to be all big brotherly and shit, I'll kick his ass if he stands in the way of your happiness, darlin'."

I smiled up at him, "I don't think it's gonna be much of a problem…at least I'm hoping that it won't be."

We didn't have any time to talk further on the topic because we flew into the clearing.

The Quileute wolf pack were already waiting on us, Sam in human form so that he could speak for them.

We quickly coordinated as I reiterated my vision of the brawl. I told everyone where to stand so that the fight would come out to the best possible outcome and before I knew it, we began to smell new vampires close by.

We stiffened as they flew into the clearing, and I flinched at the sound of clashing bodies – snarling wolves and growling vampires.

I began to fight, relieving a couple newborns of their heads quickly before throwing the heads as far from the bodies as possible.

A pair of arms crashed around me from behind and I whirled swiftly, smashing my forehead into the forehead of a male vampire that I had never met before. He recovered rapidly, but not fast enough to prevent me from planting my small foot in the middle of his chest, sending him flying backwards about one hundred feet.

He righted himself instantly and came at me again, but before he reached me, my mind was no longer in my clearing – I was looking at the campsite where Edward and my Bella had stayed the night before.

They were facing Victoria, and two male vampires that I had never seen before, without any outside help. Edward tried valiantly to keep the three vamps away from Bella, but she was going to be caught in the crossfire if no one showed up to help defend her.

Just at that moment, Jacob and Seth flew through the trees, launching themselves at the male vampire that had just gotten within striking distance of me.

I had been so lost in my own vision that I hadn't been seeing what was going on around me.

Every member of my family and the wolf pack were still alive and were still fighting for their lives, but for every one newborn they killed, two more ran into the clearing. As dire as their need for me was, Edward and Bella needed me more.

Sensing the pull of the other clearing to me, Jasper nodded stoically at me and began to clear a path for me to escape.

Just as I reached the edge of the clearing that would take me to my brother and my future, I felt, rather than saw, two female vampires fly past me into the clearing. I whirled to see them and heaved a large sigh of relief to see that it was the two unidentified females from my vision with Bella.

They were both striking and both wore beautiful golden eyes, identifying them as good guys.

I managed to grab Jasper's attention for a moment and motioned to them. He immediately understood what I was saying and began fighting next to them.

I stuck around long enough to hear Jasper look to the one who looked like me, quickly kissed the top of her hand and introduced himself, "Hello, my name is Jasper. I hear that you're here to help us?"

The nymph-like girl smiled radiantly at him, "The name is Sara and yes, we are here to help. We were on our way through Alaska with the rest of our family when we ran across the Denali clan. They told us of your problem. Since we don't take too kindly to ambushes, so we came to lend a hand. I'll introduce the rest later."

I turned on my heel and fled into the mountains, climbing higher and higher, praying silently that I was not going to be too late.

After what seemed like an hour, but was only really a few seconds, I dashed into the campsite just in time to see the two male vampires grab Edward while Victoria seized Bella, jerking her over to Edward, "And now, Edward, you will watch your mate die at my hands the same way mine did in yours."

"NO!" I screamed, racing to the rescue.

Everyone looked frozen in time as they stared at me in shock. None more than Edward who had just caught the vision that I was trying so desperately to block from him – we had bigger problems than me taking his mate.

He was the perfect replica of Jasper last night. His eyes were tortured and the pain he radiated was almost tangible. It was almost as if he had shrunken in on himself. He whispered a pained, "No…" before giving in to the two goons holding him back.

This apparently was something that my vision was not relying on.

I was whisked away to the vision again, this time I was curled around Bella's bloodied and cold body – her neck ripped open. Edward stood over us nearly vibrating in rage, screaming that it was entirely my fault, that it would have been better if I had left well enough alone and left her with him, even if she was not meant to be his in the end.

I could see his point. I would rather have her alive than dead in my arms. Whether she was with him or not, it made no difference…my angel would have been alive.

An inhuman and bloodcurdling scream wrenched me from the vision.

I snapped my gaze to Edward's tormented gaze – he had seen the vision. He had no reason left to fight.

I quickly pushed the rest of the first vision at him – the happy future he had ahead of him if he helped me fight.

Back in the present, his eyes hardened. "It won't matter Alice!" he screamed, "She won't be mine! What was the point then, of me loving her? Of me fighting for her? Of her loving me?" he released the last bit of his tirade as a whisper, finally and completely giving up.

In that moment, I knew what had caused Bella to die.

I was so caught up with Edward that I hadn't even noticed Victoria move Bella's hair from her neck.

I realized everything a moment too late. Before I could move a muscle, Victoria sank her teeth into the side of Bella's neck, pulling away with a mouthful of skin and blood vessels.

It was a fatal wound – no matter how much venom I could pump into her system, she would bleed out before the venom could close the hole.

I sank to my knees and wailed. It was my wail that brought Edward out of his depressed state. Edward was now angry as hell.

In the blink of an eye, he was dismembering Victoria and then the two fools that were standing off to the side, terror-stricken.

When the bodies were nothing but smoldering ash, he stood over my shaking body growling.

"You're right, Alice. This is _entirely_ your fault. Not only did you take Bella away from me today, you took away from me the ability to love my sister. Tell me now, **sister**, was it worth it? Was the unguaranteed future important enough to kill an innocent girl?"

I couldn't even speak, I was lost to my own self-loathing.

"There is one place that you can take solace, **sister**, there is no way in hell that you can hate yourself more than I do right now. I'm sick to the very core of my being that you could be so selfish," he spat at me before turning to rejoin the family and leaving me with my dead.

I laid there in that campsite wrapped around Bella for several days. It was so cold that her body was frozen, much like mine was then. The ice helped me feel closer to Bella – as it bound our skin together.

I kept getting visions of my family. Edward had already met the new vampire female and was surprised that I was actually right about her being better for him. He was still warring with everyone on how long to leave me up here before they came to get me.

There was no way that I would allow them to take me back to that house. There were so many memories there – even more memories of visions of an impossible happy future for me.

Steeling myself, as well as my resolve, I broke the ice that bound us as one. I dug her grave deep in the frozen ground, said a few words…knowing that I never even had the chance to tell her I love her…and replanted a weeping willow sapling that I had found nearby over her body – forever marking this spot as a place of great sorrow.

After I spoke my words, I ran back to the Cullen house to grab what few things I would need for my trip.

I blasted up the stairs – I couldn't bear to be near so many happy couples in love. It was simply shattering more and more of my heart apart. If it continued to do so, I would surely shatter too.

At first, no one said anything but were quick to thaw out and storm up the stairs after me.

I was surrounded by what used to be my family all shouting at me, some happy that I was home, some worried about me, some just still grieving for their human daughter, Bella.

Edward grabbed me and pulled me down the stairs with me patting my pockets to make sure the inoffensive plastic rectangle was still there.

He stopped when we were outside the house, running his hands hastily through his hair.

I laughed a humorless chuckle remembering how Bella hated when he did that.

"Alice, dear sister, could you please forgive me for my rash words last week? I was so blinded by my affection for Bel.." "Don't you dare say he name, parasite!" I hissed at him, "You lost all right to say her name when you gave up the fight that would have saved her life! All this from someone who proclaimed to love her so much that he would _die_ for her! I wish that it had been you, Edward! At least then, my woman would be in my arms right now, not buried in the frozen earth up on that mountain!"

I turned to leave when he grabbed my arm, "Alice, listen to me! I know that it is **my** fault that you were robbed of your mate! Please let me have the opportunity to make this up to you! Let me try to find someone that will make you as happy as Kelly makes me!"

He was sobbing openly – I just didn't have the stomach to deal with this horseshit right now.

"Oh, so since Bella" I flinched at saying her name, "is gone, just anyone will do to complete your crazy _sister_! I don't think so, Edward! I'm not you. I just can't move past the death of my mate! It's okay though," I seethed, "I'm going to right these wrongs. There will be no misunderstandings about how I felt about her when I am done."

I turned on my heel, leaving Edward behind. I knew that he would figure out what I was planning to do; I just was hoping that he would be too late – just like I was with Bella.

I walked out into the night with the first stirrings of hope that I'd felt since she died.

As I walked closer to the airport in Port Angeles, I thought over my life.

I had been so stupid. I had bought all of anything I had ever wanted…all the clothes, all the cars, all the houses, all the shoes…none of it mattered now. I would give it all up just to have her breathing again.

Even if she wasn't with me…I just needed to have her back again.

I took our time for granted…and I lost her.

I'd be damned if I was going to continue on like this.

_One week later~~~~_

I walked down to the stairs from the turret that housed my executioner. I was walking straight to my salvation.

I had already spoken to Aro. He wanted me to join the Volturi guard. I wanted Bella alive.

It looked like neither of us were getting what we wanted. It seemed that I would have to settle for the second place prize.

He told me that since Bella's heart had already stopped beating that there was nothing that could be done. He also told me of a vampire that had the power to reanimate corpses, but that it wouldn't work…Bella was already gone. If she was reanimated, there would be nothing in her to make her Bella and she would be more dangerous than any army of newborns combined.

At first I didn't care, but upon closer inflection, I didn't want Bella to come back and be something that she would have hated. That idea was quickly vetoed.

That left me with only one other option.

I was not going to live another minute without Bella – of that I was certain.

Since I had made up my mind on that, I had not a single vision. I took that as a sign that it was the right choice for me.

I couldn't just walk out into the sunlight in Volterra, they would be expecting that and ready to enslave me in a torturous existence as a Volturi guard.

I knew exactly what I had to do for my future to disappear.

I headed out to the middle of the common in my robe. I saw what I was looking for immediately.

A police officer…from the looks of his uniform, he had to be the chief.

Awesome, my luck!

I walked quickly up to the man and catching his glance, smiled peacefully.

He opened his mouth to speak, but I was quicker.

"I'm coming home, Bella. I love you." I whispered before I plunged my nails into the police chief's chest, getting a grip on the slippery, beating organ that I sought out and tore it from his chest.

I threw the heart to the ground and stood there, my face pointed to the sun, a peaceful smile on my face as the screaming started.

"Al, _noooooo…_" I heard Jasper's distinct voice ring out over the square – he was horrified and heartbroken at my actions.

I knew that he would be, that is why I chose to do this here and not anywhere else. What are the odds that they would have shown up right at the moment I gave in to my inner monster?

I dropped to my knees sobbing for everything that I had lost in the past two weeks.

I felt Jasper's hand on my shoulder for only a moment before it was ripped away and I heard Demetri's snarl close to my ear.

I cried harder, then suddenly, I felt a horrid pain in my neck.

I knew it was then that my head was ripped from my body.

The Volturi were nothing if not efficient.

**A/N: Ack! So…I know you **_**all**_** hate me…it was necessary for the story. Alice happens to be one of my favorite vamps…it is just the way the pairing fairy/plot bunnies made it to be.**

**I hope you all enjoyed-ish the story. Back to my regularly scheduled funny/happy/sappy/crappy stuff.**

**The next one will deal with death as well, but it is for a character that no one really likes anyways and the ones that will be dishing out the death will be none other than our very own Rosalie, Esme and Alice. It's going to be revenge fused with humor.**

**The song that inspired it is G4L by Rihanna. (I know, my spelling of her name sucks more than me writing sad shit.) I think it's gonna come out really good.**

**Below are the lyrics to **_**Everything I Own**_** by *N SYNC. Yes, it was originally done by a group by the name of Bread.**

**Please review and stop my tears? :S**

_**"Everything I Own"**__****_

You sheltered me from harm.  
You kept me warm  
You kept me warm  
And you gave my life to me  
You set me free,  
You set me free  
The finest years I ever knew  
Were all the years I had with you

I would give everything I own,  
I'd give up my life, my heart, my home.  
And I would give everything I own,  
Just to have you back again.

You taught me how to laugh,  
What a time  
What a time  
You never said too much,  
But still you showed you cared,  
And I knew from watching you.

And nobody else could ever know  
The part of me that can't let go.

I would give everything I own,  
I'd give up my life, my heart, my home.  
And I would give everything I own,  
Just to have you back again.

Is there someone you know,  
Loving them so,  
You're taking them all for granted.  
You may lose them one day,  
Someone takes them away,  
And they don't hear the words  
You long to say

Give up my life, give up my heart  
Everything I own _**[Repeat]**__****_

You know baby, my love for you will  
always stay true. That's right. 'Cause  
there is no me without you. (And I would give everything)  
Everything I own Nobody can love you, love you  
Love you, love you like I do

I would give everything I own,  
I'd give up my life, my heart, my home.  
And I would give everything I own,  
Just to have you back again.

Just to have you back again.  



	3. G4L

G4L

**A/N: For the sake of argument, this happens in present day.**

**Sorry for the delay…will explain at the bottom A/N….gah!**

**On with the awesomeness…**

_**G4L - Rihanna**_

_RPOV_

I was getting my things together for the completion of my afterlife's mission. I was almost completely finished.

I reveled in the memories that washed over my soul when I thought about this life work.

I kept a really close eye on the men who raped and almost killed me. I allowed each of them long enough to really have something in life to miss when I liberated each one. I was going to liberate them of their bodies – allow them to hurt another girl never again.

Poor Emmett, he knew of my plans and though he held human life in higher regard than I did, he was very supportive of me in my endeavor for revenge and more importantly, peace – at last.

We all knew, including Carlisle, that I could not move forward in my life if they were not made to pay for their transgressions against me.

Thankfully, Carlisle turned a blind eye from my plans – he knew how important this was to me.

I had given myself over to Emmett a few years ago; Lord knows that I was the reason that he was now in this life and not a tasty bear snack. Sadly, I wasn't able to give myself completely to him until I was able to fully banish the demons in my past.

I was suddenly back on that quiet side street walking home alone thinking happy thoughts of my impending marriage.

I hadn't even seen them until it was too late…

The pain of the very physical violation of my body was torturous. It went on for _hours_ before they were finally sated and left me to bleed out and die on the frozen ground.

I had been in and out of consciousness for awhile before I felt hands and arms on me that shocked me back to the present time.

I would have thought that they had come back to finish the job if it hadn't of been for the temperature of the skin that touched my own.

_It was colder than the ground I lay on._

"Miss King," the melodious voice spoke quietly in my ear, "I'm afraid that your injuries are fatal. I can help you, if you'd like me to. It is your choice. Do you want me to make the pain go away or do you wish to live?"

I looked up as best as I could through my blackened and swollen eyes and sucked in a painful, shocked breath as I took in the familiar golden eyes of my city's doctor; Carlisle Cullen.

I had always been extraordinarily jealous of the beauty of him and his family. Him and his wife, Esme looked like supermodels; his son Edward was nothing short of a Greek god and that's not even including his daughter Alice and her husband Jasper.

I had wondered if he gave plastic surgery giftcards instead of presents at Christmas time. My mother had scolded me; she thought very highly of the good doctor and his family. She didn't take kindly to anyone who spoke ill of them.

I remember thinking over my options, as best as my fallible human mind could and responded quickly, "I want to live, Dr. Cullen. I want those fuckers to pay for what they've done to me."

I thought I had heard him sigh sadly, but nevertheless, picked me up and took me back to his house.

I was starting to black out more and more often – there was no doubt in my mind that I was mere minutes away from dying.

I began to cry for the first time since my attack and was mildly comforted by Esme's presence as she stroked my bloodied hair.

She whispered to me the details of her family just so that I would be making an informed choice. While she told me of the vampire world, I moved my already glazing sight just past her shoulder to see her children.

They were all frozen solid; Jasper had a look of revulsion on his face (which I would find out later that he was repulsed by his urge to drain what was left of my blood), Alice was furious – she kept growling Royce's name – it calmed me that they knew who had done this to me. The reaction that I should not have been surprised by was Edward; he broke his frozen stance and dashed to Carlisle, sticking his finger in his face and yelling, "Carlisle! Rosalie Hale? Really? Don't you think we'd be more inconspicuous if we just went around town with giant blinking neon signs over our heads announcing that we are vampires? Jesus, man! We are going to have to move **just** to hide her! Just let me snap her neck and we can go on like this never happened…we will all look aghast when the news comes out that the Mayor's daughter was brutally raped and murdered. Don't do this Carlisle!"

I had never seen the good doctor so angry before.

"Edward, son. Listen to me! I can't allow her to die! It's too much waste! Give it some time! Maybe she could be to you what Esme is to me! Being unmated for so long has obviously made you daft! I will _not_ allow her to die – especially seeing as how she knows what she is getting herself into. She is choosing this life for herself! Now, back up, foolish man! Let me save her."

With that, he shoved past Edward and was by my side instantly. I was hurt that Edward was so hateful towards me – I had never done anything to him…I didn't understand where the rage was coming from.

"She will find her own mate in someone who is most certainly not me…" I heard Edward murmur by the door before he took off like a bullet.

"I'm very sorry my dear," Carlisle had said gently, lowering his mouth to my neck, "he will come around. The burning will become tolerable soon."

Before I could ask of what burning he was talking about, I felt his teeth pierce the skin of my neck and it was instantaneously like someone had doused my body in thick, clinging gasoline and struck a match – immediately starting the inferno I was sure would char my skin, leaving me unrecognizable.

Esme, Carlisle and Alice had never left my side in the few days that followed. Jasper only left when my pain became too great for him to bear. Edward only came in once – he stood by my incinerated body long enough to make a scoffing noise in his throat and left.

I was becoming quickly angered by his reaction to me…I was counting the minutes until I could tell him, as politely as I could muster – for the sake of my new vampire parents, to fuck off.

I didn't realize at the time that if I was able to focus on the anger, then I was almost done barbequing.

When the change was complete, I sprang up. I was ready to tell Edward what he could do with his shitty attitude.

He suddenly appeared in the doorway, "I hear you, bitch," he seethed between clenched teeth, "I can just fuck off. I know. I have known for a long time how you felt about me and my family. Just because you are now a part of it doesn't mean that I have to like it. I'll protect you, because that is what we do, but I'd greatly appreciate it if you just kept the hell away from me!"

Before I could retort to him, he jumped from the window of the room I was in.

My Edward-loathing thoughts aside, I ran to the window screaming.

I hadn't been in this family for a whole day yet and I just caused the death of their son.

Edward was standing on the ground under the window with his infuriatingly smug smirk on his face before wheeling around and blurring into the trees.

My fists clenched by my side as I turned to face my new family. They all had different looks of amusement on their face which did nothing for my anger.

Alice was bouncing in place, clapping her hands excitedly, "Alright, Rose, you are gonna be the best sister I could ever have wanted soon, but I got to get you outside to hunt. Come on!"

Life quickly became something like a twisted version of _Leave It To Beaver_. Esme and I were becoming fast friends.

Come to find out, she had gone through something like this with her husband when she was human; although much more drawn out and traumatizing than mine was. He would beat her constantly, several times leaving her near death. Then she had gotten pregnant. He changed overnight, becoming the husband she thought she had married. After about 5 months he began drinking heavily and staying gone most of the night, just to come home and beat her some more. By her 6th month, his beatings were starting to wander past her face and neck. He began hitting her in the stomach – finally killing their child in her 7th month. She had been so grief-stricken over the death of her baby that she had flung herself from a cliff in an attempt at suicide. She never counted on Carlisle coming to her rescue.

The man was a saint for abused women.

Esme told me a little while later while everyone was out hunting that she finally felt peace after his death – he had finally drank too much and fell asleep while taking a bath; effectively ending his own life.

Our discussion played on repeat through my mind. I knew that I wanted them to pay for what they did to me, but was I strong enough to be the judge, jury _and_ the executioner?

After about a year, I had finally come to a decision:

**Yes. Yes, I was.**

I killed the first one while he was sitting on his lethargic ass in his living room; watching bad porn, drinking cheap whiskey and jerking his pathetic excuse for a dick.

I basked in killing Roger. I did it slow.

I started with his withering penis – he was the first one to violate me; successfully taking my virginity. The pain he inflicted on me was more than the others, but not as much as Royce. I was saving him for last…I had special plans for him.

After slowly removing the offending piece of flesh, I used my nails that were now as sharp as steel to cut him repeatedly, just deep enough to make the blood run, but not deep enough to make him bleed out quickly.

I wanted him to suffer as much as I had.

All in all, it took him little more than fifteen hours to bleed out. I had plenty of time to repeatedly tell him what happened to me.

Because of the evil that festered in his mind, I was frozen forever – never able to have children…never able to have a normal _human_ relationship.

I hated Roger.

I hated him more than I hated this new existence. The only good thing becoming a vampire had done for me was it gave me the opportunity to avenge my humanity.

After his veins bled no more, I swiped my finger through the blood coating the floor and relished licking it from my finger.

I snatched the large gold and diamond ring that he always wore on his right hand that connected him to the others as well as just a little vial of his blood, set fire to the house and left.

After that first kill, I felt marginally better.

I planned the next intervention carefully.

I waited exactly six months from the death of the first of the swine before I sent the next pig his warning.

The day before I went to kill John, I left the vial of Roger's blood along with my handwritten greeting to him on the middle of his desk:

_**Leading the swine to the slaughter…**_

_**How will your blood run, John?**_

_**Give Royce my best.**_

I didn't sign the note…there was no need. He would know it was from me.

I stood outside, cloaked in the darkness beside the room in his house that served as his office.

I smirked a very smug smile as I heard him find my note: he immediately called Royce and was babbling in a panic to him. "Royce! Your bitch is back! She's back from the dead man, and she is pissed!"… "Yeah. She's the one who killed Roger!"… "How do I know? **How do I know**? Jesus, Royce! She left me a fucking vial of his blood and a goddamned _handwritten_ note!"… "Man! She says to give you her best!"… "I'm scared, goddamnit! She's coming after me next!"… "You have the power, Royce! Send someone to protect me, goddamnit!"

I threw my head back and laughed until, had I been human, I would have had tears streaking from my eyes.

_Yes, John. Your time is coming. I __**am**__ coming for you. Don't fret; I'll be here tomorrow waiting for you._

I ran home in a cloud of euphoria.

Edward immediately read my mind and knew what I was doing. The self-righteous tirade that spewed from his lips was bullshit. We all knew that he spent **many** years killing the same type of assholes that I was ridding the world of. At least I had the common courtesy to not drain them dry. I only wanted just a taste of their blood.

Yeah, I kept something precious to each of them – it was my way of getting what they took from me back.

Carlisle and Esme only told me to do what I had to do so that I was able to come into this family completely.

Killing John was fun.

He screamed like a little girl.

And cried a little bit.

And pissed his pants…a lot.

I repeated my first kill and went back home.

I repeated this every six months until I was sitting where I am now…staring at the powerful but small handgun that would take away Royce's life. Sure, I could kill him in the same way that I had the others, but I wanted something special for him…something impersonal. Since I was just another piece of ass to him, he was gonna be murdered by just another street thug.

I was now in possession of five rings – one for each of the hogs that were butchered.

_Roger…John…Victor…Charles…Benjamin…_

_Rosalie…only one more to go…_

I was not above talking to myself here lately…it may have labeled me as crazy, but you could ask any one of my 'victims' if I was sane.

Being crazy is the lack of control over one's mental health…I was in complete control.

In the last note, I gave Benjamin a specific task…

_**Pigs…hogs…swine…**_

_**Do you know what they have in common with you, Benjamin?**_

_**Their time is limited.**_

_**Tell Royce…**_

_**Tell him I'm coming for him…and that he will suffer far more than any of you.**_

_**Take solace in that, Benjamin.**_

_**See you soon.**_

After getting all of my belongings together, I sat and waited for the proper time to leave.

The men had gone hunting…they did not want to be near me when I was like this.

Normally, I would be sobbing by this time. What was left of my untainted humanity would rear her damaged head and make me feel bad for what I was doing.

Alice and Esme would both sit with me and hold me while my shoulders shook with the intensity of my sobs.

Tonight, they sat and stared at me – just waiting for the tearless crying to start.

"I'm not going to cry tonight. I almost feel…peaceful. It's far beyond odd." I said with my face scrunched up in confusion.

"I'm going with you," Esme said quietly, "You shouldn't have to face this one alone…"

I shook my head, "Esme, you really don't have to go. This is something that _I_ have to do. I'll be okay."

Alice began to vibrate with excitement, "No. We are both gonna go with you! Then we can go all 3-6 Mafia on his ass!"

"I'm not even going to act like that makes sense, Alice," I said, shaking my head again.

"You know," she said slowly like I was stupid, "all _gangsta_…"

I threw my head back and laughed…there was going to be no talking them out of this.

Might as well have some fun.

Alice ran upstairs, throwing together our 'gangsta' outfits.

The PCD's version of _Tainted Love_ floated down the stairs.

"Oh, hell no, Alice!" I shouted, "We are **not** listening to that shit while we get ready!"

We ran upstairs just to be greeted with a trembling pixie. "C'mon Rose! It's sexy! And fierce!"

I just laughed and went to the pile of clothing that was most definitely mine. Alice picked out a pair of tight-fitting flare legged jeans for each of us, as well as baby-doll t-shirts and bandanas that looked like they came straight out of one of the back pockets of some of the local gang members' jeans. Each of us had our own special color; my shirt and 'flag' were bridal white, Esme's was blue and Alice had put herself in bubblegum pink.

"Fuck, Alice – really? Pink? You're gonna stick out like a sore thumb." I whined.

This was beginning to look like a really bad parody of a gangsta movie.

Before I could argue with her further, it was time to go.

We all went outside and were walking down the dark street when I skidded to a stop, "What are you humming, Alice?"

In her perfect soprano, she sang, "_I got this, girl's like a soldier, trip and it's going down, down, down. I'm ready to roll, girl I'm wit' you, if they get you, they get me. So come on, let's go, bitch I'm wit' you, if you wit' it, you wit' me. You know I'm down. Down for life, load it, reload it and let's go. Gangster for life, 'til the day that I die, I promise I'm standing by. 'Cause you know that I'm down, you know I'm down. Gangster for life._"

We all started laughing then she and I started singing the second verse:

"_We driving by with them headlights off, we know where you stay. Know what you did. We don't play that shit, nigga, we don't play…no. Everybody cried when they did your dirt, acting like a bitch finna get you hurt, breaking lives down to their knees, oh_"

Esme laughed along with us until we got to the 'nigga' part and smacked up both upside our heads with a fierce, "**Girls!**" We were quick to come back with a, "Sorry, mom. It's a part of the song!"

Leave it up to us to be on our way to kill the man who brought about the end of my human life joking and singing.

I swear.

By the end of the song, we were standing at the window to his apartment.

I looked at them both, letting them know with my eyes that no matter what, if they wanted to back out now, there would be no hard feelings. I raised my eyebrow to them in turn and saw the steely reserve from both of them – they were both committed to seeing me through this to the end.

We slipped in undetected and were in his room before he came out of the bathroom.

He had to have known it was gonna be his last night on earth. He came from the bathroom dressed to the nines in a tux.

Pompous ass fool.

I smacked him right across the face, hearing a few teeth break and his jaw break on one side. I was officially smug now.

He grinned at me even through the blood that leaked from the corner of his mouth, "I know what you are, whore. Unlike the other stupid bastards, I did my research. I got something for you my vampire bride…"

I looked at him completely incensed. Who was this fool that had replaced the moronic fucker I used to call my fiancée?

He brought his hand out from the pocket of his trousers and threw something at me with one hand while wielding a cross in the other.

"What the fuck is that Royce? Ahhhhh!" I screamed turning to face the girls, "Esme! Alice! Run! He has **garlic **_and_ a cross! We _surely_ will never make it out of this alive!"

Esme and Alice, God love them, gripped their hair and squealed with the best of them for a few seconds before we all stopped dead and smiled at Royce's suddenly exuberant face.

Alice stepped up to him, balled her fist up, drew back and let her fist connect with his left eye socket, "_That_, Royce, is for being a dumbass!" She drew back again and hit him in the right eye, "**That** is for ever thinking of hurting my sister, much less doing it!"

Esme pulled Alice away from Royce – bless her – she was still swinging.

Esme then soothed Alice down; once she was happy that Alice wouldn't jump him to finish my job, she let go of her and stepped away from her.

"God, Rose! Still having other people fight your battles for you, I see," Royce spat through his jacked up jaw, "Looks like I'm just going to have to finish the job I set out to do before…"

He didn't get the rest of his thought out before Esme let out a keen unlike anything I'd ever heard before and tackled him to the ground, clawing at his face.

This time it was Alice that rushed in to save the day.

I smiled vindictively at his now marred face, "No, see Royce, these girls are my family and are more than livid at what you did to me. They had to be the ones to fix what you left broken. Here's the thing…they can only fix so much – I have to do the rest. Now. Let's see what I have to fix this…" I tapped my chin thoughtfully, "I guess this is just gonna have to work. On your knees…_NOW_!"

I pulled the gun from the back waistband of my jeans and pointed it at his chest, gesturing to the floor in front of him.

I have to give credit where it's due, the man refused to kneel in front of me.

Esme came up on one side of him and Alice went to the other, gripping his shoulder hard enough for it to break. He screamed loudly and went down on one knee.

"Aw! This brings back so many memories! Do you remember the day you proposed to me, Royce? You lied to me that day. You told me that you would love, protect and care for me for the rest of your days. I'm here to take back what I'm due for your lies."

I smacked him hard again on his already jacked jaw.

He smirked through his pain and ground out, "Still hitting like a bitch I see."

I couldn't help it, he wanted to see me throw a punch, by God, he was gonna get his wish.

I fisted my hand, drew back and let it fly as hard as I could.

I felt it connect with his stomach and heard a few of his internal organs rupture. He screamed out in agony. I smiled peacefully at his screams and the tears that were now streaming down his face.

Time was getting away from me. If I kept beating him, he would die before I finished out my carefully planned revenge and that would just not do.

I cocked the gun sideways and nudged him in the temple with it.

I did it a few times, feeling his flesh give each time. I liked the feeling.

"Rose, darling," Esme called to me, "here soon, he will be going into shock and will not feel anything else. You need to hurry."

I nodded quickly at her before turning my withering gaze upon him.

He was crying in earnest now, he knew that I was not about to leave before he was dead. Apparently, he didn't think he would fail with the cross and garlic protection scheme.

Dumb son of a bitch.

"Royce, I just want you to know…" I said sweetly, "I forgive you."

His eyes lit up with hope, "You mean you're letting me live?"

He was mumbling and to anyone less than vampire it would have sounded like mush.

"No," I replied just as sweetly, "Why would you come to that conclusion?"

His eyes widened imperceptibly, "Then, what are you doing?"

I let the innocence slip from my face, knowing that it had just become feral, "I'm making sure that neither you nor any of those other fuckers do what you did to me…to any other girl…_ever_ _again_!"

Comprehension flashed through his eyes, "Please Rose! Don't kill me! I'll give you anything you could ever want! Plea…"

I couldn't take any more of his begging and squeezed the trigger just after I pressed the gun barrel flush with his forehead.

With my new vampire eyes, it looked like everything happened in slow motion: the bullet left the gun in a flash, entering the front of his head – exploding the entire thing in a mass of grey matter and blood, showering us all with the hot fragrant spray.

I lifted the gun to my mouth and stuck the still smoking, bloody barrel to my lips. Sliding my tongue out, I licked it clean from all of his blood.

Oh, yes.

Revenge is sweet.

I bent down by the body and ripped the ring from his finger, putting it in my pocket.

Alice came up behind me, holding her closed fist out to me, facing down.

Questioningly, I opened my empty hand and felt something small and still warm in my hand.

"Figured you would want this," she said shrugging.

I looked down to see the twisted bullet and grinned at her.

Esme gently grabbed both of us and pulled us to the door where she pulled a Zippo lighter from her pocket, flicked it and dropped it onto the bar where she had been apparently spreading his booze around.

Quickly, we made our way back down the street, arm in arm in arm.

I knew I loved these girls for a reason…

Smiling, I ran at full speed to our house – I had awesome news for Em.

He stood waiting on our front porch with a smile on his face.

I jumped into his arms, wrapping my legs around his waist and kissing all over his cheeks before landing them on his awaiting lips. I had never felt better. I felt as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

I was finally able to fully give myself to Emmett that night and had not looked back since.

**A/N: So, how'd you like it? I had Sara proofread this and she came up with a question that I feel may need answered…I imagine Edward reacting to Rosalie this way because of all the time that he spent hunting humans…he spent all that time 'eating' evil people…some of it was bound to absorb into him. Plus, if you really sit back and think about this, he was always struggling with his inner monster/demon when he was with Bella because she brought out the best in him – his humanity.**

**I really am liking writing Rose's POV…I don't know why….hmmmm. Lol, imagining Alice in pink gangsta apparel makes me laugh my ass off….**

**Sorry for this being delayed, but I have been writing my assistant general manager's essays for college and when I finally got a moment to write some more on this, I managed to come down with a kidney infection or some shit. All I know is that there was serious back/stomach pain going on and the meds I was taking for the pain were making writing damn near impossible.**

**Not bad for a high school dropout, eh? Making money from writing college material is fun, lol. Not to condone not completing school!**

**Anyways, reviews make me happy and the next one will be something akin to what ya'll are used to from me….lots of happy, loving and smutty stuff. XD**

**RedneckAngel**

**"G4L"**

I lick the gun  
When I'm done  
Cause I know  
That revenge is sweet  
So sweet

This is a gang  
Ladies' bang  
Baby bang  
Tell me what you need  
Oh

Any mother fucker wanna disrespect  
Playing with fire finna get you wet  
How it feel down there on your knees

I got this  
Girl's like a soldier  
Trip and its going down  
Down  
Down

I'm ready to roll  
Girl I'm with you  
If they get you  
They get me  
So come on let's go

Bitch I'm with you  
If you with it  
You with me

You know I'm down  
Down for life  
Load it, reload it and  
Let's go  
Gangster for life  
Till the day that I die  
I promise I'm standing by  
Cause you know that I'm down  
You know I'm down  
Gangster for life

We driving by  
With them headlights off  
We know where you stay

Know what you did  
We don't play that shit  
Nigga, we don't play  
No

Everybody cried when you did your dirt  
Acting like a bitch finna get you hurt  
Breaking lives down to their knees, oh

I got this  
Girl's like a soldier  
Trip and its going down  
Down  
Down

I'm ready to roll  
Girl I'm with you  
If they get you  
They get me  
So come on let's go

Bitch I'm with you  
If you with it  
You with me

You know I'm down  
Down for life  
Load it, reload it and  
Let's go  
Gangster for life  
Till the day that I die  
I promise I'm standing by  
Cause you know that I'm down  
You know I'm down  
Gangster for life

Girls  
Come on  
We ain't done yet  
Got a lot to handle  
We're taking over the world  
Yeah  
We're an army  
Better yet, a navy  
Better yet, crazy  
Guns in the air  
Guns in the air  
Guns in the air  
Can't hurt us again  
When you come around here  
We got our guns  
Got our guns  
We got our guns  
Got our guns  
We got our guns  
In the mother fucking air  
Oh

I'm down for life  
Gangster for life

I'm down for life  
Gangster for life

You know I'm down  
Down for life  
Load it, reload it and  
Let's go  
Gangster for life  
Till the day that I die  
I promise I'm standing by  
Cause you know that I'm down  
You know I'm down  
Gangster for life

I lick the gun  
When I'm done  
Cause I know  
That revenge is sweet 


	4. All Day Long I Dream About Sex

All Day Long I Dream About Sex 4

**A/N: *peeks from around the corner* Sorry for this taking so long. I could give you all kinds of bs excuses for me sucking ass, but truthfully, real life kicked my ass as well as my doctor. He put me on Prozac and Buspar for anxiety and depression…my life sucks, I know.**

**This is technically one of my one shots for this massive mindfuckery. This is actually a thank you for my favoritest person out there in the fandom: Stalkee4Life. Beautiful girl, this one's for you…I know that you said it didn't have to be a songfic, but such is the way this is gonna work so that it can fit in with the rest of this debauchery…lol.**

**Here's hoping that you likey mucho. XD**

**~Love~**

_**All Day Long I Dream About Sex ~ JC Chasez**_

Angela POV

I sat in my AP English literature class…bored…as usual.

I sat thinking about what all I had to do when I got home: I had to make sure that my brother ate dinner, did his homework and got ready to go to bed. I had to do my own homework (albeit a light load tonight), get myself ready for bed, write my nightly diary entry and fantasize some more about the god of a man that had begun to invade my dreams nightly…

Ben and I had been having an on again, off again relationship as of late – either he was hot, or he was cold. I was getting to the point of not being able to handle it anymore. He was content to hold hands, hug me and kiss me chastely; I was not so content any more.

How long can one girl date the same guy without any progress in their physical relationship? Six months? A year? We were officially at our two year mark and I could not, for the life of me, figure out why he was so hell bent on keeping my virginity.

I understand that it's supposed to be something special…tell that to the sexually frustrated…

More and more often, I find myself fantasizing about one in particular…a cowboy that I'd _love_ to teach me how to ride.

Just thinking about him again makes me shift in my seat in search of pressure.

God! This man was sexy – like _sexxiie_! He has the softest looking blond curls that I'd just love to fasten my hands to…gold eyes that make my stomach clench…among other things…a chest that's muscled and defined…chiseled arms…God! I can't even think about the rest of him without wanting to rape him in the middle of the school.

Dammit!

He was corrupting me and didn't even know it…yet.

Damn the little fairy bitch he was with…everyone knows that fairies are evil…ever seen that one Disney movie? You know the one…yes you do…no?…well, maybe not, but still…it's not natural.

I normally try to keep good thoughts in my head, but that Alice girl brings out my inner WWF Diva. I would love to have the opportunity to just beat her ass for the right for just one night with him…*sigh*…see? This is why it will always just be a fantasy.

I pick up the pen that I had apparently dropped in the middle of my drool-inducing daydream and get back to work…

I could never get that lucky…unless there was a guardian angel out there somewhere…I don't even want to win the lottery or anything like that…I just want one night with _him_.

*sigh*

_**Jasper**_

EPOV

I sat behind Angela in AP English literature and have been trying to figure out something that I could give her for being such a good friend to Bella…she normally has such pure thoughts. I have been searching her mind for anything…I don't mind being in her mind…as long as she's not thinking of riding my brother like a mechanical bull…*shudders*…ugh.

At this point I would be content with a Maserati…a 15 bedroom mansion…anything.

There's only been one thing that I can see that she wants…but I'm pretty sure that there's no way in hell that even I could _ever_ make her one and only wish come true. It would take bribery…maybe the yellow 911 that Alice was wanting so badly…

Why in the hell couldn't she have just wanted something simple like world peace…a basketful of puppies…Jacob Black (even though that may be the equivalent of a basketful of puppies)…a dozen red roses every day for the rest of her life…a leprechaun that sings Irish drinking songs…Justin Timberlake in her sock drawer…shit…even immortality at this moment in the game.

I've been thinking of asking Alice before broaching the subject with Jasper…I'm gonna have to ask her tonight…Angela is becoming more and more desperate to have Jasper – I fear for his sexual wellbeing if she doesn't get to him soon. I also know that once she gets him for the one time, that she will never ask for him again, so it's worth a shot.

My cell phone buzzed in my pocket signaling a text message…I quickly flipped it open, reading the text with a smirk on my face…

_We will negotiate tonight ~ A_

This was going to be unlike anything I had ever done before.

The rest of the school day dragged horribly. By the time I was finally walking out to my car, Alice was standing by the Volvo with a smug look on her face.

She had decided what her demands were for this one acquiescence.

Dammit!

She was going over the different types of pads and tampons in her head – along with what absorbency they were…*shudders delicately*…eeeewwwww!

I blocked her thoughts with a grimace on my face and drove to the house still shuddering at the thought.

I flew home – the trip only taking a few minutes.

I grabbed the irritatingly haughty pixie by her wrist and pulled her behind me into the woods by the house, running for several miles before finally stopping…there's no way I want the rest of my family finding out that I'm bribing my sister to get a human laid.

Without even granting me with the normal niceties, she dove right into business, "You will buy me the yellow Porsche that I've been wanting – plus you will make Bella go with me _all_ Spring Break week – with no one else, _yes that includes you_, for a shopping spree in, count them, not 1, but _**2**_ countries of my choice."

Before I could say _anything_ in response to her, she continued on, "_**Then**_, for Jazz, you will buy him the crotch rocket that he's been eyeing and spend _all_ Spring Break week with him in Texas. He's wanted to go there to check on his ranch…and hit all the redneck nightlife…he still feels like there's not enough entertainment here for him in the evening. Lastly, you _will_ tell Emmett that you have _always_ been jealous of his stamina…that when you and Bella finally seal the deal, you can only pray that you are able to be one hundredth of the man he is."

She shot the rest at me through her mind, _I've already seen you agree to this Edward, just man up and do it already_.

Her eyes narrowed as if begging me to disagree with her.

Sadly, I could handle any and all of her demands, save one. I completely did not want to tell Emmett anything of that nature.

_I can do this…for Angela…I can do this!_

I smiled peacefully at her after steeling my nerves, "Of course, Alice – that is, by far, more than fair. You and Jasper are making the bigger of the sacrifices here."

I nodded, finalizing my decision, "When are you going to approach Jasper about it?"

She smiled even more evilly, "I already have, dear brother, and he has completely agreed…given you agree to our demands. Since you have, he will go to her house tonight."

She turned on her heel and raced home. When she was within hearing distance, she shouted, "He's agreed, Jazz! Go hunt – right. the. fuck. now! You need to be as in control as you can be."

I heard his gleeful cheer – right then, it was almost worth all that I would be doing as payment for the sweet best friend of my human love.

I stepped into the house, "Oh Emmett?"

_Angela POV_

I had just finished my homework and was completely bored.

_Oh well!_ My less than righteous side exclaimed happily, _It looks like you will get to participate in your most recent favorite pastime! Go lock your door…and let's get to thinking about our naked cowboy!_

I rolled my eyes, but still got up, locked my bedroom door, closed the blinds on the window, turned the light off and jumped in bed…removing my sleep pants after turning the lights off.

I lie down on the covers and let my mind wander…

_Jasper is in front of me in nothing but a cowboy hat and a smile._

I felt the familiar heat and moisture spring up in between my legs.

_He smiles at me and in his deep South drawl, he says, "Good evenin' Angela. I've been thinkin' of doin' this for awhile now." He grasps his granite dick in his strong grasp and moves his hand up and down his shaft, his eyes never leaving mine except to roll them back in satisfaction at the pleasure his hand is bringing him._

_Oh to be the skin on that hand!_

I reach down to my slick opening and play with my clit lightly, watching him stroke himself languidly in my imagination.

_I reach down and begin to touch myself too, eyeing him hungrily. His stroking speeds up slightly as he watches me tease myself. My breath comes faster as the coil inside me tightens further…I feel like my body is a live wire. _

"_What are you thinkin' about, Angela?" Jasper asks, his eyes hooded, "What are you thinkin' about while you touch yourself? Am I on your mind?" He lets his head fall backwards and he lets out a moan…._

"Am I interruptin' somethin'?" a sexy southern drawl asks from the dark corner of my bedroom.

I shriek out in surprise and bolt upright in bed, fumbling for the light on my nightstand before soft white light floods the room.

I look around wildly until my eyes rest on something that I thought I would only see in my fantasies…Jasper. Fucking. Whitlock…in a pair of old torn up jeans and a long sleeved flannel shirt that is completely unbuttoned, exposing his muscled abs and very long and defined V…

Jesus! Is that a cowboy hat?

I rub my eyes really hard, expecting that when I opened them that I would, once again, be alone in my room.

Opening my eyes slowly, I shriek again as I see that Jasper is now only inches away from my face, a very entertained look on his face.

"No, Angela, you are not dreamin'," he says, blowing his sweet breath in my face.

Stupidly, I lean a little closer, inhaling his scent. It is much better than I had ever dreamed of.

"I've been wantin' to say thanks to ya for bein' such a good friend to Bella…" he is now talking in a very husky voice that is making my inner walls clench…damn that cowboy… "Now, darlin', I can't offer ya more than one night…'cause ya know that I'm in love with Alice, but if ya want, I can give ya somethin' that I know you've been wantin' for awhile now. I can't sit here and say that I haven't noticed ya lookin' at me when ya get the opportunity to, honestly I'm flattered…ya are so beautiful, Angela."

My heart thumped unevenly in my chest at his entrancing words.

I looked away to the wall, embarrassed to all hell that I had been that transparent.

He gently grabbed my chin and pulled my face to him, "Darlin' look at me. Let me make a woman outta ya…I want you as much as you want me, trust me on that."

I laughed a short laugh, "Yeah. Sure. Now where's the hidden camera? Who put you up to this? How did anyone even know?"

I fired the questions off at him rapidly, becoming more and more mortified with each new question. I pulled the cover over myself, finally remembering that I was naked from the waist down.

He looked at me abashedly, "I'm really sorry, Angela. Several weeks ago, ya brought yer diary to school with ya. Ya dropped it on the way out of lunch…I swear that I was gonna give it right back, but bein' a nosy-assed guy…I kinda read part of it. I know I shouldn't have and I felt really bad about it right after, but I have always been intrigued by ya. You're always so quiet and nice…I wondered if ya were as nice in private. Right after I got to the part about me," he smiled humbly, "I slid it through the slats in yer locker door. I ain't mentioned it to anyone. I swear to that. I just want to make ya feel as good as ya make those around ya. Ya think that people around ya don't see ya. Ya don't think you're attractive. I find ya ridiculously appealin'."

I sat in stunned silence through his confession. I was completely still for a moment before my heart began beating wildly in my chest.

He leaned in close – so close that his lips tickled mine when he spoke, "If ya want me to leave, darlin', then I will, but at least let me do this for ya before I go."

He turned to leave, making it to my window in a few short strides; my panic immediately rose.

Did I really want him to leave?

Before I could fully ask myself the questions needed to better form a correct conclusion, my stupid mouth jumped the gun and I heard myself ask him with enough desperation to embarrass the hell out of me, "Please. Don't leave! I mean, if you really want to go, you can…but I really don't want you to go."

He turned around and smiled bashfully at me, "Don't ya understand, Angela? This ain't about me right now; it's completely about ya and what ya want. If ya want me ta stay, I will stay. If ya want me ta go, I will go. If ya want me ta make ya moan and scream; I can do that too."

Okay, now there's the bad ass cowboy that was there just a few minutes ago.

I smiled easily, getting back to my fantasy. If this was gonna happen, I wanted to be able to remember this as something positive without all the uncertainty and nervousness.

"Come here, Cowboy," I spoke huskily, my voice surprising me to no end, "I got something that you can ride."

He smirked at me and I swear that my lust just shot through the roof, "Yes ma'am. Even though, before the night is out, I'm hopin' that I'll be givin' ya some ridin' lessons. Ya see, I got this bronco that hasn't been broken yet…I think I may be needin' some help there. Can ya help me with that?"

He rolled up the sleeves on his shirt and stood there with his hands on his hips looking completely edible. I swear…the dessert toppings I wouldn't lick off of his stomach…_get it together dipshit! He's waiting for a response!_

My eyes looked lustily down his body, stopping to linger on the bulge that was back in the front of those jeans.

God. I'm so going to hell for this…

"Does the bronco buck?" I asked, false apprehension dripping from my words.

"Well, if ya ride it right, it just may," he replied, his smirk becoming more pronounced.

"I'm ready for my riding lesson, Jasper."

He grinned crookedly and grabbed his shirt at the opening nearest his neck and pulled it backwards off of his shoulders, his muscles bunching and rippling nicely, before unbuttoning his jeans but leaving them on before walking over to the bed.

I wiggled over to the end of the bed to where our legs were touching and he was looking down on me. The lust was evident in the features of his face.

He leaned down and removed my glasses, sitting them gently on my nightstand.

I reached one quivering hand out to the V in his jeans, stroking the skin of his abdomen hesitantly, eliciting a hiss from his lips; his head leaning back seemingly of its own accord.

I took the hiss as a 'continue' so I touched a little more firmly, moving my fingers out to the edge of his jeans, bringing the other hand to the opposite side to help me slide the jeans down his slender hips.

Once I got them to where his length was free of the material, I balked. He looked massive from my point of view and the thought of something _that_ large coming anywhere near _any_ of my orifices scared the shit out of me.

He smiled gently and put my shaking hands in his steady ones, "Relax darlin'. It's just skin…see?"

He slid the jeans over his hips, allowing them to softly hit the floor and brought my hands to his solid member, sliding them over it slowly, allowing me the time to gather my bearings before we went any further.

As I slid them over the silky skin, he watched me until I became more certain in my touches and my grip improved…his head lolled to the back again.

He swallowed loudly and murmured, "God, Angela! So warm…sooo good."

I was gaining confidence fast, increasing pressure and speed. I kept going until he bucked in my hands, hissing a breath between his teeth, "Not yet, darlin'. I got plans for that…"

He pulled his hips away from me, leaving me pouting.

He smirked at me and knelt down beside the bed.

"I see that ya need to catch up to me before this goes any farther," he said, his voice getting deeper, "Let me help ya get to where I am."

He lifted my shirt over my head slowly, tantalizing me with his cool fingers over my already overheated skin.

Jasper rolled me onto my side, facing away from him and began kissing my bare skin languidly, lapping at my skin with his tongue – first on my back, then heading up to my side before licking down to the top curve of my hips and ass.

I laid there and writhed, my back arching of its own accord. He did this endlessly, bringing my skin to new sensitive heights before rubbing the skin with his hands, helping to calm me down before starting the worship of my skin again.

Finally, I couldn't take it any longer; I rolled over onto my back and eyed him lustily. His own eyes were wild and hooded.

I whimpered quietly under his gaze. It was almost like he was looking at me like something to eat.

"I don't think so, darlin'," he taunted me in a husky deep voice, "If ya want somethin' from me, ya gotta tell me what ya want."

At the deep tenor of his voice, I moaned. Jesus, he's going to think that I'm insane.

"Jasper," I started, startled at how porn star like my voice was sounding, "I need you."

He sat back on his haunches, smirking at me, "Ya gotta tell me where. Let's pretend for a moment that I'm not a sexual deviant who sneaks into unsuspectin' girls' rooms to have my wicked way with them. Ya gotta walk me through this so it will be good for ya too."

I smiled back nervously; he was worried that it wouldn't be good for me! If he only knew that I almost got off from his idea of foreplay, I would have died.

I cleared my throat, "Jasper." I steeled myself and took a deep breath, "I need you to…ugh…I need you inside me."

I was instantly mortified. That didn't come out like I wanted it to. I peeked up at his face to gauge his reaction…he looked even more turned on by my words. The look he gave me was pure smoldering sex.

_Really?_

_If he liked that, he would love this._

I parted my legs for him, spread my lower lips for him and pointed, "I need you to touch me…right here."

He sucked in a breath through his teeth and was instantly on me – kissing, licking and sucking my neck, my breasts, my shoulders – anywhere he could get his mouth on naked skin.

My back arched under his attentions as his hands drifted to the bare skin on my stomach, grazing the skin there and then lower until he was exactly where I wanted him to be.

His fingers gently explored my lips, the dampness that was caused by him alone. They circled up to my clit where he paid extra special attention for several breathtaking seconds.

My chest heaved and I bowed up to his body, I felt like I was having convulsions. Thankfully, he placed his hand on my chest, lightly holding me to the bed.

As I fought hard not to moan, he lowered his fingers to the entrance to my deepest desires.

Slowly and tenderly he pushed the first one into me, causing me to bite into the pillow next to my head to keep from moaning too loudly. Almost reverently he pumped it into me a few times until he felt that I was ready for the next one and added it quickly.

He kept up with his exploration of my lower half until I felt the band within me tighten to the max that it could handle. He must have felt it too because he quickly replaced his fingers with his length.

I bent up to kiss him, his cold length inside me set me on fire…I'm sure that I was smoldering.

He gently pushed me back onto the bed, leaned back and pulled me by my ass, keeping us connected until my back was arched and I was all but on my shoulders.

I have to admit, it felt amazing – every time he rocked his hips, his length would rub my far wall. It was like getting a massage…by Jasper…ahhhmazing.

He continued to rock his hips into mine slowly. He was allowing me to savor the feeling of being with him.

I was insanely grateful.

Jasper's eyes rarely left mine, only drifting occasionally to my breasts which were moving in time with his rocking, and to roll his eyes back into his head when it would feel too good.

Soon enough, the gentle rocking wasn't enough for me. I began to whimper and move myself up onto his lap to get friction where I needed it.

Jasper looked deeply into my eyes and pushed up into me, his thrusts beginning to become erratic.

My lust increased as I wrapped my legs around his waist and he began picking up the pace.

I felt his hand between us, applying the delicious pressure to my clit that I so craved.

My muscles began to clench rhythmically as I slammed myself down on him – determined to have him cum too.

Jasper groaned loudly and pushed up into me one last time, holding me in place as he shot his seed into me – I had never been more thankful to be on birth control pills in my life.

I felt myself come down from the high of my orgasm and clutched harder to him, pulling him with me to the bed so that I could get my breathing slowed down.

He lay beside me, holding me tightly to his chest.

"Angela," he breathed into my hair, "that was just amazin'. I'm really glad that ya asked me ta stay…I'm gonna remember this moment for the rest of my life."

I sighed, angled my face to his and kissed his jawline…I was not ready to have him disappear so quickly from my bed…from my life.

The sadness came crashing down swiftly around me as I remembered that this would never happen again – that he would be going back home to Alice soon.

It was as if he picked up on my mood because he leaned his head down and kissed me passionately. The kiss continued for several long minutes, leaving me breathless when he released my lips.

"I'm really glad too, Jasper," I said, my voice heavy with my emotions.

"Do ya mind if I stay here awhile longer?" he asked shyly, "I don't wanna just love ya an run. I would like ta hold ya for a little bit before I have ta go."

My heart stopped when he said love. I wished upon all things that I could keep him here with me and that he would just love me. How could I go back to being with Ben after this?

I wasn't worried about the indiscretion. I was worried that Ben would never again measure up.

*sigh*

I felt the tears brimming up and spilling over the bridge of my nose onto his chest.

He stiffened and wiped at my face softly, removing the tears before crushing me to his chest, "Why are ya cryin' darlin'?"

"I just am not ready for this to end yet, Jasper!" I wailed pitifully. God knows that come tomorrow, we would go back to not speaking to each other, so it didn't matter how much of this he knew about. At least I would feel better knowing that he knew.

"Don't ya worry about it, darlin'. I have a feelin' that this is the start of a beautiful friendship. I know that ya want more than that, but friendship is all I can give ya for now." he said. I appreciated his honesty more than he could ever know.

"Stay for a while, Jasper." I pleaded sleepily.

"I will, angel," he whispered in my ear, "please…rest now."

I felt like I had no choice, my eyelids were fluttering against my cheek and I finally succumbed to sleep.

I woke up feeling sore all over.

I reached over to check my alarm clock and was surprised when my hand came into contact with a piece of paper…

I read it with shaky hands:

_Angela,_

_Thank you for last night. It meant more to me than you could ever know. Just know that no matter how much time goes on, I will always look fondly on our night together. You are just as beautiful asleep as you are awake. I stayed awake for a while and just watched you. You had the most beatific smile on your face all night. It almost physically hurts to leave now, when you are still sleeping so peacefully, hopefully dreaming of me and our time together._

_I will look back on this time and remember how I felt like my whole body was on fire when you were touching me, how my entire soul sighed when you would moan. _

_Don't give Ben too hard a time…he loves you…more than words could ever express. He is just unsure how to proceed in your relationship. Make the first move. Don't be shy. You will be surprised at the reaction you get from him!_

_Once again, thank you for a great moment in my life._

_I will cherish every second you gave me._

_Your dirty cowboy,_

_Jasper Hale_

Holy shit!

I crushed the letter to my chest and let out a girlie squeal thinking through all the possibilities.

I would ask Ben to come over to study tonight.

My life was certainly looking up.

**A/N: I hope you like it, Jas. Sorry it took so damned long to crank out, but Jasper was misbehaving and wouldn't cooperate. I will most definitely have to be meaner to him in the next story that he will be in….maybe my niche is going to be Emoward and Emmett…idek.**

**Anyways, I hope it was worth the wait…all 1 ½ months. You can thank Switchfoot for the last minute inspiration. **_**On Fire**_** is the most amazing, heartbreaking, depressing, heartwarming song ever. If you have never heard it, listen to it…youtube it or something. I think I may end up having to write one for it…I think I could do something good with it.**

**Soooo….review time. Please! It helps my brain know where I'm succeeding, failing…etc. Let me know please! **

**~Love~**

**Kelly**

**P.S. – As per my usual, here are the lyrics to the song…..**

**"All Day Long I Dream About Sex"**

So you wanna be a rock star  
Keep it going, don't stop  
Work it while you're on top, call the cops

Rollercoaster riding, baby  
Up and down  
I love to watch you do it

I just want to get close to you  
Find out what it takes to move you

Feel the rhythm, hit the spot, getting hot  
All night long

All day long I dream about sex  
And all night long I think about sex  
And all the time I think about sex with you, with you  
All day long I dream about sex  
And all night long I think about sex  
And all the time I think about sex with you, with you

Keep in mind, I'm a love machine  
Get it twenty four seven, call me any time you need

Some extra attention, did I forget to mention  
School's back in session, get ready for a lesson

I just want to feel alive  
And do what it takes to satisfy you

Hour after hour baby  
All night long with you

All day long I dream about sex  
And all night long I think about sex  
And all the time I think about sex with you, with you  
All day long I dream about sex  
And all night long I think about sex  
And all the time I think about sex with you, with you

All day long I dream about sex  
And all night long I think about sex  
And all the time I think about sex with you, with you  
All day long I dream about sex  
And all night long I think about sex  
And all the time I think about sex with you, with you

All day long I dream about sex  
And all night long I think about sex  
And all the time I think about sex with you, with you  
All day long I dream about sex  
And all night long I think about sex  
And all the time I think about sex with you, with you

All day long I dream about sex  
And all night long I think about sex  
And all the time I think about sex with you, with you  
All day long I dream about sex  
And all night long I think about sex  
And all the time I think about sex with you, with you 


	5. No Ordinary Love

Chapter 5 (No Ordinary Love by Deftones – Originally done by Sade)

**AN: So…hi…I'm so very sorry that it has been so long. I have recently had my heart broken…I found out that I have Systemic Lupus. More about that here: www . uklupus . co . uk/facts . html and here: www . cure4lupus . org. Remember to take the spaces out. Instead of doing something constructive with my time since it is now rather limited, I pouted. Then everything at work blew up…in short, I'm very sorry. I'm back now and hopefully on top of my game – this one isn't as long as the other ones, but bear with me, it's just how it came out.**

**Without further ado….**

EmPOV

I stood around the corner from where she was standing, my beautiful Bella.

Steam was rising from the manhole covers in the middle of the street – it was a hot and muggy night here in the city. I could hear the insistent wail of a passing ambulance bringing me back to the matter at hand…getting her to listen to me for even just a fleeting moment. If she would just spare me a moment of her time, I could explain to her how good we are together and how she needs to give us a little bit more time to cultivate our love.

She was standing outside of the dive bar that she and her friends had just arrived at. She was smoking a cigarette leisurely.

Of course she had all of the time in the world to smoke now that I was no longer in her life. She no longer had to 'babysit' me.

I was the youngest of three boys. My eldest brother, Edward was an old man trapped in a young man's body. He didn't know how to have any fun. He was married to his wet dishcloth of a wife, Rosalie. That bitch didn't know how to smile – even if her life depended on it, she would still die with that permanent scowl on her face. She is the reason for the stick stuck up my brother's ass.

The middle brother, Jasper, was married to the most kickass girl I had ever met, her name is Alice. She was a bundle of energy that was constantly helping me find pranks to play on others in the family. She was the motivation for 95% of all of the trouble I have ever gotten into. Jasper was okay with all of this; he was overly indulgent with the little Goth cheerleader. On the other hand, with me, he got pissed regularly – he claimed I was "defiling" his girlfriend.

Yeah right…girl had pink, purple and blue streaked hair, multiple piercings including, but not limited to: her lip, tongue and nose and exhibited a worse vocabulary than a sailor. Truthfully, I don't think she owned one article of clothing that didn't contain the color black or skull patterns…I know most of her lingerie was punk friendly.

I had repeatedly told my brother that he had better consider himself lucky that he met her before I did or I would have married that girl…well, that was at least, until I met Bella.

I met Bella through Alice and She Who Shall Be Dubbed The Bitch (Rosalie). Bella had moved to Chicago after her mother and father had gotten legally separated. Her mother decided she would move to the one place that her husband wouldn't follow; a big city.

I went with Alice to GothInk, the local tattoo/piercing studio. I was there to get my second tattoo, a set of pink angel wings in my mother's memory. She had died the year prior from an extended battle with breast cancer.

We walked into the studio, expecting the normal half an hour wait that we had come to expect here. These guys were in demand.

I sat down in the chair and leaned forward so that Bobby would have access to my shoulder. Halfway through the stinging that was my newest tattoo, I looked up at Alice to see why she had gone quiet – the girl didn't have a quiet bone in her body.

Alice was standing over at the outside of the booth talking to a girl with chocolate brown hair cascading down her exposed back. She was wearing a blood red halter top to expose the skin on her back where I saw the most beautiful tattoo I had ever seen. It was a picture of a Phoenix just as it was bursting into flames. Above the Phoenix were the words "~The most beautiful things in life~" in a very elegant script. Below the Phoenix were the words "~come from the trials of fire~".

I was instantly awestruck. Not only was she beautiful, she had an overwhelming strength about her.

Over the following months, we had become more and more friendly – talking on the phone, in person, via text messages, however I could get her attention focused on me.

During our courtship, she talked me into the tattoo that rested on my hip – a black Care Bear; EmoBear as she called him. She talked me into it by saying that I needed to embrace my inner emo kid...and that she always wanted her boyfriend to have a tattoo that she picked out.

Yep – I'm a pushover...plus she called me EmmyBear...it worked.

She completely made it worth my time by lavishing the bear with her tongue before working her way down to my dick. Sadly, she made me wait a month so that it healed properly before she would pay attention to it.

I stood grumbling to myself about my emo bear, feeling completely retarded. Leave it to me to allow myself to be taken in with a girl and let her talk me into getting a permanent reminder of her on my body.

I'm such a dipshit.

I leaned my head back and rested it on the bricks behind me, sighing deeply…God how I love her.

I missed her kiss, the softness of her skin, the feel of her wrapped around my length.

My dick twitched as if awakening from a deep sleep at the thought of her riding me, her perfect breasts bouncing in time with each thrust.

I found myself warring with my libido. I fought with all the will I had in me as I roughly palmed the front of my jeans.

Unzipping my jeans quickly, I licked my hand from palm to fingertips and grabbed my length, pumping it a few precursory pumps to prepare me for…I'm not even sure for what. I should not be standing out here, in an alleyway, staring at my ex-girlfriend with my pants open and my dick in my hand.

I was soon disgusted with myself at my lack of control, but could not bring myself to be disgusted enough to stop.

The memories came flooding through faster and faster until I felt my stomach knot up with the immediate ferocity of my orgasm.

I stood there, leaning heavily against the brick, completely spent for long moments waiting for my heart rate to lower so that I could approach her.

When I finally felt stable, I walked quickly over to where my goddess was just stamping out her cigarette.

I met her angry eyes with trepidation, unsure of everything except the fact that she was about to hit the roof.

During our breakup, words like obsession, fatal attraction and mentally unstable were thrown around to describe me – the poisonous words falling from her lips so easily.

"What the fuck ya think you're doing here, Emmett?" the metallic screech to her voice was grating on my nerves.

I grabbed her by the elbow and pulled her around the corner of the club – I wanted complete privacy for our little come-to-Jesus meeting. It is not so much the fact that I wanted to not be embarrassed by her telling me off, but more like the fact that She Who Shall Be Dubbed The Bitch would push her into not listening to me. I just knew that if she could listen to me without any outside interference that she would see things my way and we could salvage what was left of our relationship.

"I wanted to talk to you without the Bitch Squad around you," I responded heatedly, "I miss you so bad Bella…I can't sleep…can't eat…can't live. I need you like air, Bella, I gave you all that I had inside and you took my love. What do I have left, Bella? What have you left me with? What?"

My anger burst from me in a flash and I had her by her throat against the bricks.

"What we had was special! It was everything to me! And how did you treat it? Like an old shoe that you didn't want anymore! Like a dog that you couldn't take with you so you put it to sleep! Why, Bella? Just answer that for me!"

I loosened my grip on her neck so that she could speak, but the only thing that got out was a strangled sob…it broke my heart…my shoulders slumped in defeat…she would never give us another chance.

Before I could let her go completely, a strong set of hands grabbed me from the back and pulled me forcibly off of her, pinning my hands at my sides.

I took one glance at the horrorstricken look on her face and didn't fight back.

Fifteen minutes later found me in the back of a police cruiser, handcuffed and on my way downtown to be booked for attempted murder.

Wow.

(~0~0~0~0~six months later~0~0~0~0~)

I sat in solitary confinement, staring out the barred window at the barren land beyond, contemplating.

The only thing that kept me from getting life in prison without parole was that they thought I was mentally incompetent and incapable of human contact…hence solitary confinement.

I had this all planned out – I would wait until I got out, track her down and make her see reason.

Once I spoke to her about how I felt, there's not a chance in hell she would turn me away.

After all, what we have is no ordinary love.

**A/N: Mwahahahahaha! Sorry it was so short, but it spoke to me this way so this is how it got taken care of. Hopefully, I will be updating much more quickly than what I have been as of late – no promises, but I WILL try.**

**Make me feel better? Review?**

**Lyrics are below:**

No Ordinary Love Lyrics

I gave you all the love I've got I gave you more than I could give  
Gave you love  
I gave you all that I had inside and you took my love  
You took my love

Didn't I tell you?  
What I believe  
Did somebody say that?  
A love like ours will last  
Didn't I give you all that I got to  
Give, Babe

I give you all the love I got I gave you more than I could give  
I gave you love  
I give you all that I had inside and you took my love  
You took my love

I keep trying  
I keep trying for you  
There's nothing like  
You and I  
Baby

This is no ordinary love  
No ordinary love  
(Ordinary)  
This is no ordinary love  
No ordinary love  
(Ordinary love)

When you came my way  
You brightened every day  
With your sweet smile  
Ahh

Didn't I tell you  
What I believe  
Did somebody say that  
Love like ours wont' last  
Didn't I give you all that I got to  
Give, baby

This is no ordinary love  
Ordinary love  
(Ordinary)  
This is no ordinary love  
Ordinary love  
(Ordinary love)

I keep trying

I keep trying  
I keep trying for you  
There's nothing like  
You and I  
Baby

This is no ordinary love  
No ordinary love  
This is no ordinary love  
Ordinary love

Keep crying for you  
Keep trying for you  
Keep crying for you


	6. Edge Of Desire

Edge of Desire – John Mayer

I scurried around the house, preparing for our evening.

I had everything meticulously planned, from the flowers to the food to the transportation.

It's not every day that a man gets to celebrate their 5 year anniversary with the woman of their dreams. My Alice was still as beautiful as the day I met her and still just as sexy.

Things the past year have been iffy at best and touch and go at worst.

Like any married couple, we had moments where we screamed at each other, declared our mutual hatred for each other and hurled words like knives so carelessly.

I had just started a new job at an accounting firm a year ago; 6 months ago, Alice started feeling badly enough to go see her doctor for treatment.

Our world came crashing down around us three months later.

Alice's doctor could find no logical reason as to why she was in near constant pain...even after several different tests. He finally broke down and did extensive blood work and came back with a few abnormal test results.

He explained to the both of us that her ANA tests came back positive. When I asked him what the chances were that it was a false positive he hung his head and explained that the test was run twice, with two separate blood samples, taken from Alice at two different times. He further explained that positive ANA tests meant that Alice had Lupus but before we could find out which type of the four that she had, she had to go see a specialist.

I made an appointment for her to go see the specialist immediately.

While we waited on the date for her appointment, I spent my sleepless nights online doing research. Suddenly, so many things were making sense. Her completely absent periods, her inability to be in the sun for long periods of time, her intense joint pain, bladder and kidney infections when there was no real cause for it, her prematurely gray hair, her erratic mood swings, and even the small rashes she got on her face from time to time. In all of the research that I had done, I saw that the outcome was never too good as there was no cure for any of the different types of Lupus...the only thing they could really do was treat the symptoms.

The average life span for those with Lupus was between 5 and 20 years after being diagnosed.

After the initial few appointments with the specialist, Alice was put on a few different types of drugs to help with her mood swings and joint pain, among other problems.

Communication was almost impossible with all of the different prescriptions she was on...not like it would have done much good at the time, she was so depressed all the time – it was like there was nothing I could do to help her out of the funk she was constantly in.

One day a few weeks ago, she stopped taking her pain medications – only taking them when the pain got so severe that she couldn't function.

She said that she wanted our time to be something that could be remembered as good times...she didn't want me to be left with negative memories of our last years together.

With my new job, I wasn't home very much lately and when I was able to be home, it was to sleep before rushing back out the door to make it to work on time.

She accepted this with finesse. She didn't nag and even got a job at a local gift shop to pass the time.

I honestly could not have asked for a better wife...even with everything that she was going through, she always managed a smile for me – urging me to believe that she wasn't feeling as badly as I knew she was.

All of this came full circle this week as soon as I realized that our wedding anniversary was on Friday.

I immediately set into motion, wanting to make this anniversary as special as possible.

I wanted her to know that, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I loved her more than my own life.

I hired a limousine to pick her up from work and chauffeur her around our little city on the scavenger hunt that I had set up for her.

Her first stop would be the local nail salon where she would receive a manicure and pedicure. Then she would be swept away to Magical Massage, the day spa in the area for a full 120 minute massage and facial...when she went back to put her clothes on, she would only find a garment bag in the place of her clothing. In this bag she would find a beautiful midnight blue satin floor length gown, complete with a plunging neckline and matching ballet flats. After leaving there, she would be taken to the hair salon to have her hair and makeup done before being taken to the next to final destination of her journey: Le Restaurante, an upscale Italian restaurant that I had reserved for the evening. Depending on the situation (or price tag) they could be persuaded to shut down their restaurant from other paying customers for the allotted time.

I was already waiting at the restaurant, with the menu selections already picked out.

I stood in the foyer fidgeting with the cuffs of the tux I was wearing. I really hated these damn things, but my wife loved to see me dressed up and I have not worn a tuxedo since our wedding. I wore it tonight, only for her.

Finally, I was able to see the fruits of my week and seemingly endless supply of money that I dropped on this night.

The long, sleek black limo pulled up. I found myself standing a little straighter with my chest puffed out in pride as my wife extended her hand to the chauffeur for assistance in getting out of the back.

She was a vision in blue, her makeup was pure vixen.

Her bright blue eyes were lined in smokey blacks and grays while her lips were a ravishing red. Her short brown hair was parted to the side and pinned up with a jeweled clip.

I had never seen her look more beautiful – I had to force the tears back to keep them from spilling from my eyes and ruining the night before it had begun.

I made a mental snapshot of the excitement that she all but vibrated with as she approached the front doors.

Just inside the doors, I met her and extended my arm for her to take so that I could escort her to the table.

"Jasper," her voice caught as the emotion closed her throat momentarily, "How? When?"

"I will tell you later, let's just enjoy tonight." I replied huskily in her ear, pulling her close to my side as we approached the table, "And by the way, happy Anniversary, love."

I pulled the chair out for her to sit and then pushed it in for her before going around the table to sit in my chair.

The music played at the perfect volume from the hidden speakers throughout the restaurant. I had made sure to bring a thumb drive with a playlist of all of "our songs" that we have acquired over the years. "_Learning To Breathe_" by Switchfoot was the first song on the list and I couldn't help how right everything felt in that moment.

_I'm learning to breathe, I'm learning to crawl, I'm finding that you and you alone can break my fall, I'm living again, awake and alive, I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies._

Her eyes shimmered with unshed tears in the candlelight. She was amazing and beautiful.

And she was mine.

"Happy anniversary darlin'," I choked out, my voice think with emotions.

_This is the way that I say I need you, this is the way that I say I love you, this is the way that I say I'm yours, this is the way, this is the way...that I'm learning to breathe..._

I have never been more proud of anything in my life. This wonderful woman goes through her life making sure that everyone around her is okay before her own needs as well as taking care of me; which can be a full-time job anyways.

Our waitress came by with the dishes that I had preordered. Back when I made the reservations they asked what menu that they should offer or if I had any requested dishes that they could offer us. I ordered the dishes that we had on our very first date all those years ago: Alice had Chicken Fettuccine Alfredo with broccoli and a side order of mixed fried okra, zucchini and yellow squash whereas I had Lasagna with a side of fried green tomatoes. (I'm telling you that this restaurant is the shit.)

We shared a bottle of Principado Blush house wine, which really set off the flavors of the pasta and brought out the hidden tastes of the fried Southern food.

She joked that night that I was trying to get her drunk so that she would be easier to get into bed. I was raised much better than that. My mother instilled in me a deep respect for all women. The first girl I had ever had sex with was one that I had dated for a couple of years before she jumped me...I refused to make the first move – opting, rather, to deal with my issues when I got to the safety of my room later on that evening, alone. Hell – I was 19 years old before losing my virginity.

"How did you do this, Jasper?" she whispered from across the table, "This is the exact same thing we ate on our first date!"

Tears coursed silently down her face as she took in the setting of the dishes.

"Good memory, darlin'." I whispered, "Plus, that was the day that I met my soul mate. That day is really etched in my mind. I remember everything about that night. I remember that you wore a cute short cocktail dress. I remember that the smoky eyeshadow that you wore made your eyes glow. I remember that the sandals that you wore drove me mad because between them and your skirt, your legs went of for miles. I remember that you had just recently had your hair cut and you kept pushing the short pieces behind your ears because they would swing down into your eyes. I remember that as you talked to me, your whole face would light up. I remember that you would get so excited and animated when you would talk to me about your life that you would gesture wildly – even so much to the point that you had everyone in the restaurant looking at you. I remember how captivated I was every time you would laugh – the sound was like music to me and I promised myself that night that I would do anything to continue to hear that sound if you chose to keep me. Lastly, I remember how lucky I knew I was to be with you and how jealous I became each time I would look away from you and see some other guy looking at you – but calming myself because you weren't here with them, you were here with me."

I swallowed thickly as Alice let the memories take her away to the first night we ever knew each other.

_I was getting ready for the blind date that my brother set me up on. It was Edward's wife's college roommate. I wasn't really excited about this date because I remembered stories about Alice and Bella's time together and from what I understood, it took a very special person to be able to handle Alice in ANY capacity – especially romantically._

_I was told that she had a hard time finding any guys that would deal with her exuberance and hyperactivity. I was also told that she could, at times, become very demanding in the relationship and I didn't know if that was something that I was going to be able to handle. I had always been the man in my relationships and I wasn't sure how having two dominant people in the relationship was going to work._

_Edward kept insisting that I wear a suit and tie, citing that it would really impress Alice and that I would be more likely to get a second date with her. I have never worn a tie or suit any other day except for the day that our father was buried and I vowed that I would never wear another one until the day I was married. On the night of prom, I wore a pair of slacks and a white button down long sleeved shirt._

_I arrived to the restaurant about fifteen minutes early so that not only could I go ahead and get to our reserved table, but also that I could see this hell on wheels before she got to me. The way I was going to know her from anyone else was that she was going to be holding the Hawaiian hibiscus flower that I had specially ordered and delivered to her house. The way she was going to know me was that I had the other flower with me to give to her. _

_I was stunned by the creature that walked in the door holding the flower._

_The first thing that I noticed about her was that she had an air about her so that she commanded the attention of everyone just by being there. I almost had to chuckle at how movie-like her entrance was: it seemed like time slowed down, everyone got quiet and turned to face her when she came in – honestly, I don't know if anyone else looked at her in that moment because I was so enraptured that I couldn't take my eyes away from her._

_When the waitress came up to take our orders I couldn't bear to peel my eyes away from the beauty in front of me...I ordered while looking deep into Alice's eyes._

_I was completely caught off guard when, at the end of the evening, she asked me when we were going to get together again. I swore that she was going to see me as an uneducated hick and not want to see me again – even to the point of getting a restraining order if necessary._

I was snapped out of my reverie by Alice waving her hand in front of my face.

"Where did you go?" she asked gently.

"I was remembering that first night," I replied, a serene smile playing across my lips.

"It really was something, wasn't it?" she asked, a small smile making an appearance, "Do you know I went home that night and called my mother?"

I had never heard this so I leaned forward eagerly; anxious for this new tidbit of information from my angel.

"No, I never knew. What did you talk about?"

"When I called her, I told her that I had met my future husband," she said blushing furiously, "I told her that I had met the man of my dreams and that she could go ahead and start planning the wedding."

My mouth dropped open – I was stunned into silence – I thought I was the only one to feel that.

I smiled at her, unable to keep the joy I felt at her including me it this secret.

I reached over to her and took her hand in mine.

I looked deeply into her eyes, attempting to convey the emotion threatening to burst forth at any moment.

"I felt it too darlin'," I told her, "Edward and Emmett joked on me relentlessly – telling me that I had to get it before I could be 'pussy whipped'."

I shook my head at the memory: I remember that it was all I could do to not knock either man on his respective ass for making such a snide comment – especially concerning the woman who I was certain would mother all of my children one day.

We ate the rest of dinner in comfortable silence, only speaking when needed.

That was one thing that I loved about Alice – she never felt the need to fill silence with meaningless talk...this was good because I was never a man of many words – but when I spoke, I spoke from the heart and what I said tended to be something profound.

I fed Alice her dessert, loving the way that she would moan as the different flavors played over her tongue.

I figured that, as cliched as it may be, milk chocolate covered strawberries would be an amazing addition to our dinner.

I became abnormally excited when a bit of chocolate would flake off and either stay on her chin or fall into the top of her gown.

I, being the awesome husband that I am, would take a gentle swipe at the top of her cleavage to remove the chocolate before it could melt or kiss her to alleviate her luscious lips of the broken chocolate shell.

By the time we were completely done with dinner, we were both quite tipsy and I was more than ready to take the next and final step in this continuous day of romance.

I helped her up, leaving a generous tip on the table.

Steering her to the front door of the restaurant, I said a quick good-bye to the hostess.

I opened the back door of the limo, steadying her on her heels so that she wouldn't face plant on the concrete.

On the ride to the hotel, we listened to more of our mixed thumb drive – sometimes, I wouldn't be able to control myself and would find myself singing to her. Especially when one of our first songs came on.

"_I can see us holding hands, walking on the beach, our toes in the sand, I can see on the countryside, sitting on the grass, sitting side by side, you can be my baby, been thinking 'bout lately, girl you amaze me, ain't gotta do nothing crazy, see all I want you to do is be my love, (so don't give away) my love, (so don't give away) my love, (so don't give away) ain't another woman gonna take your spot my love, (so don't give away) my love, (so don't give away) ain't another woman gonna take your spot my love."_

Alice toyed with the idea of making _My Love_ by Justin Timberlake the theme song for our wedding, opting at the last minute to change it to _Halo_ by Beyonce.

Her view of our relationship was slightly skewed; she believed that I was the angel that she had always wanted for her own for as long as she could remember.

If she only knew that she was everything that I needed – whether I knew it or not at the time. She was exactly what I would have asked God for...if I had only known what to ask for.

I was mainly praying for someone who could and would be able to deal with my family as well as my quirks.

It couldn't hurt if she was a walking goddess either...Jesus I was a lucky son of a bitch.

I sat next to her, rubbing circles onto her hand with my thumb while the tears continuously streamed down her face.

She had always been an emotionally-driven woman but since the doctor had put her on the mood stabilizers, her moods were pretty well off the charts. Either she was bursting at the seams from happiness or she was so sad that she would cry for hours – completely inconsolable. There were days when I wouldn't know exactly what I should do to make her feel better. Alice always said that my just being there helped although I didn't know how.

We watched as the city lights of downtown Birmingham passed by the windows.

I couldn't help the memories that flooded my mind as I waited patiently for our hotel to come into view.

I remembered our first time making love.

It was frenzied.

It was perfect.

That was the night that I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I was head over heels in love with her.

We had done our typical date: dinner, a movie and a walk on the beach.

When we were dating, we both lived in Orange Beach, Alabama.

Moonlit walks on the beach were quickly becoming our thing. It was the perfect setting for long talks, kissing and touching.

That night all the kissing and touching in the world would never be enough.

On this particular night, the weather was perfect – it was nearing the end of September, the salty air was losing it's humidity. It also was just warm enough to not have to wear a jacket.

Under the watchful eye of the full moon and a sky full of stars, I worshiped her.

There was not a single part of her body that I didn't kiss or touch in one way or another. I took my time enjoying the reactions I received from Alice, deciding immediately that our first time would be strictly about her – her pleasure, her body, her completion. I was already so taken with her that I could have waited happily until the night of our wedding for me to find my own release.

As it was, her pleasure was my pleasure.

I loved watching her face as I memorized what my touches did to her when I would find her erogenous areas.

As she fell apart from my touch I felt a traitorous tear escape my eye, quickly swiping at it before she could see it.

I was content to take her home then so that we could get a jump-start on our nightly hours long phone call...she was having none of that.

She was so attentive and caring for my needs that I did end up shedding a few tears by the end of it all.

To say that I was mortified would be an understatement.

I went home afterward and had to endure my brother's ribbing. His favorite sore spot was that he didn't know that his brother had actually grown a uterus when he wasn't looking.

Asshole.

"Jas," Alice's soft voice pulled me from my internal musings, "Where did you go, baby?"

"I was remembering our first time making love," I replied quietly.

"Well, I need you to come back to me," she said, a twinkle in her eye, "It seems like our ride has come to an end."

I looked out the window, slightly startled. I was surprised to see that we were already sitting outside of the front entrance of our hotel.

I felt a slight chill as the limo driver opened our door to the cool night air.

"Thank you so much, man." I told the driver, slipping him three $100 bills as his tip; we couldn't have asked for a better driver for this, "I really appreciate everything that you've done. I couldn't have done this without you and your unwavering patience. Have a great one and thanks again."

I shook his hand before offering my hand to my wife so that we could begin the last leg of our journey tonight.

Thankfully, I had really thought of everything. Edward had followed me earlier this afternoon to the hotel in his car so that I could drop mine off for in the morning. Since I was here, I had already checked into the room and set it up to my specifications.

Setting the room up hadn't taken all that long and I knew that she would love every bit of the effort I had put into making sure it was immaculate.

The hotel staff had helped as well, making sure that the wine had been chilled, the candles were lit when they needed to be and everything else had stayed where it was supposed to.

We walked right by the front desk, much to Alice's dismay. I could hear her huffing as we passed by the clerk, who gave a conspiratorial wink to the both of us.

I smiled a small smile and kept walking, pulling my wife closer to my side.

She snuggled into me, allowing herself to be lead to the elevator.

The ride to the top was long, the silence a comforting blanket that surrounded us.

I smiled to myself – we haven't been in the Penthouse suite since our first anniversary. That night was more about reconnection than anything else. We only made love once, opting rather to delight in touches and caresses. The level of deep connection was one hundred times better than any sex we could have had anyways.

I stuck the key in the lock, turned the knob and pushed the door, standing back so that she could enter first.

Alice wasn't three whole steps in the door before her breath caught in her throat.

I stepped in behind her, looking over the room in its entirety – seeing it through her eyes for the first time.

Sparkling pieces of confetti glittered from every imaginable surface except for the bed. Vases filled with white and purple lilacs were placed everywhere, filling the room with their sweet fragrance. From the ceiling were millions of blue twinkle lights. The room as a whole was one big romantically charged atmosphere.

I was so very glad that this was my doing and not hers because I would be crying my eyes out if she had done something like this for me. As it was, seeing her face as she took in everything and closing her eyes to draw a lungful of the lilac scented air was breathtaking. The twinkling lights reflected off the tears in her eyes, making them sparkle.

"Jas...per..." Her voice broke with the level of emotion she was feeling.

In one fluid motion, she turned, jumped, clung to me monkey-style and crashed her lips to mine.

I pushed her skirt up, running my hands along her thighs, to grip them tightly and pulling her to me hard. There was no doubt what she was doing to me – a blind person could have figured that out.

I continued to kiss her, walking her to the bed so that I could lay her down and properly show her what she meant to me.

Breaking the kiss, I pulled away from her to watch as I rid her of her silk prison.

I slid the shoulder straps down over her arms, reveling in the feel of her smooth skin under my fingertips. She sighed loudly as I ran my fingers over her arms, bringing goosebumps to the surface of her arms.

Her blue silk strapless bra shimmered against her skin under the lights. I sat back on my feet and just watched the lights reflecting off of her skin. To buy me some time, I ghosted my fingertips over every inch of exposed skin.

I couldn't help the satisfied smirk that played on my lips as she writhed under my touch, sighing my name.

I looked down tenderly at the woman who held my heart so completely.

"Tonight is about you, babe." I whispered huskily, "What do you want me to do?"

"Touch me, Jas," she said, her voice low with desperation, "I don't care what else, I just need your hands on me."

_Well Whitlock, you heard the woman!_ My inner man shouted gleefully. _She needs your hands and by God, she's going to have your hands...among other things._

I took my time in taking her bra and panties off, exposing her to me bit by bit. I could tell that the room was a little cool to her as just by exposing her to the air, her goosebumps had goosebumps. By the time she was completely naked, she looked like she was covered in Braille, only for me to read.

Running my hands over her curves, I groaned as her moans filled the air. She sounded like a good old-fashioned porn movie. That voice of hers brought me to release many, many lonely nights when we couldn't be together. I lived for the nights she would feel naughty enough to take the bold step to talk dirty to me.

I refocused at the task at hand, loving each and every spare inch of my woman.

After a few agonizingly torturous minutes, I couldn't take anymore of only touching her. I needed to be inside her unlike anything I have ever needed before in my life.

I sat back on my haunches and removed the last of my clothing – exceedingly happy to be rid of the confining monkey suit.

Leaning back down in between her thighs, I readied myself at her glistening entrance. I couldn't help the satisfaction at how ready she was for me.

Taking a steadying breath, I pushed into my second home – there was no place I would really rather be.

We both sighed as I finally hit home. Our pace was slow and unhurried. I wanted her to know just how special she made me feel and how much I love her.

We both reached our peaks at a leisurely pace, murmuring each other's name rather than the screaming that we were accustomed to.

I can't say that this was a bad change...it felt like it brought us closer together. This felt more intimate than the typical release – this was more of a homecoming than a rush to release.

In our post coital bliss I held her closely to my body, loving that I could feel her heartbeat against my chest; her heart beats mirroring my own.

"Ali," I said, my voice thick with emotion, "I could never tell you how much I love you."

Her answering voice was thick with sleepiness, "I love you too, Jas."

I tightened my arms around her and whispered into her hair, "Happy anniversary, darlin'."

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

In the bright sunshine of a fresh, new day our glow from our reconnection last night seemed even brighter than it was before.

I drove home with Alice's hand in my own, ready to tackle the next leg of our journey.

**A/N: I'm not going to give long excuses for why I've been so spastic in my updates, but I will give a little insight on my life right now.**

**A little over 2 months ago, I quit my job...apparently, I'm still grieving over the loss of my niece. She died right after her 31st birthday of a heart attack brought about by a staph infection in her leg that the doctors did not catch in time as well as my own health issues that continue to go unresolved due to the fact that money still runs this world and those who do not have, do not get. I went into a deep funk that I am having problems pulling myself out of and alienated those who claimed to care for me...therefore, I came to a crossroads that I didn't quite handle maturely, but feel better for cutting down on the people in my explosion's path. The less casualties, the better...right?**

**Anyways, here is the update – I hope that you liked it. I am currently in the process of job hunting as well as working on the update to The Devil Wouldn't Recognize You as well as other one shots for this one. I will not sit here and blow smoke up your rear and say that I will be updating on even a semi-regular basis as I have no way of guaranteeing that, so I hope you enjoy the updates as they come.**

**If you feel the urge, feel free to leave me some review love, I do so love getting those inbox messages.**

**Edge of Desire by John Mayer**

**Young and full of running  
tell me where is that taking me  
just a great figure eight  
or a tiny infinite**

love is really nothing  
but a dream that keeps waking me  
for all of my trying  
we still end up dying  
how can it be?

don't say a word  
just come over and lie here with me  
cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see

I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe  
there I just said it  
I'm scared you'll forget about me

so young and full of running  
all the way to the edge of desire  
steady my breathing  
silently screaming  
I have to have you now

wired and I'm tired  
think I'll sleep in my clothes on the  
baby this will spin on its axis  
and find me on yours

don't say a word  
just come over and lie here with me  
cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see

I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe  
there I just said it  
I'm scared you'll forget about me

don't say a word  
just come over and lie here with me  
cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see

I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe  
there I just said it  
I'm scared you'll forget about me  



	7. Hello

Hello – Lionel Richie

**A/N: This one is going to be a good bit shorter than what you have come to expect from me, so I'm sorry for that, but it is how it comes...so idk.**

**Enjoy!**

I walked through the grass in the park, trying to make the eye I kept on my little pixie look as conspicuous as possible. She had come out of her apartment about the same time as I had come from mine.

"Hello, Alice." I said politely – unable to be silent so I would not appear unthoughtful.

Her answering blush was more of a response than any words could be. I smiled gently and waited for her to move down the hallway so that I could get on with my day...following her, watching her, fantasizing about her, learning everything that made Alice Brandon.

We had been neighbors ever since freshman year and still remained unable to carry on a conversation longer than a few sentences. Her shy beauty astounds me. Even when asked a specific question that should require several minutes worth of talking, she was able to sum it up in a few short, quiet words. And then she would be gone.

The first time I followed her, we had only lived in this building for a few weeks into our sophomore year. She had been driving me crazy – always lingering in the halls when I would happen into them while she was there. Sometimes she would end up going to the library at the same time I did and she would walk behind me a few yards, never speaking, never making contact.

After that, I always made sure I was the one leaving last. I followed her to the coin operated laundry. We stayed there for hours, passing nervous looks and shy blushes.

I waited for her to approach me, to make some kind of move, but she never did. It was beyond frustrating. I never knew what to do. I had heard her talking through the paper thin walls before, obviously on the phone with a friend of hers, "Bella, you know how I am! I can't just wait for a guy to make a move on me! I want to always be the one that is in control of contact. If I don't want to be bothered by a guy, I shouldn't have to worry about him coming up to me. You know that it's just the way it is! Tell me, Bella! How many guys have I ever went out with who approached me first? None, that's right." After that, her voice faded, along with my hopes.

It didn't stop my dreams though. Alice was there in every dream...sometimes she was there just to talk, sometimes she wasn't.

Thus began my obsession.

I followed her like a puppy dog. Thankfully, hacking into the school's computer system was not that difficult. I changed our schedules to reflect each other. It made things so much easier when we were both in each of our classes. I never had to worry about missing out on any part of her daily goings on...except for what happened once her door closed for the last time each night.

I had no idea what went on then...although I was sometimes given little hints when she was too loud in the next apartment over.

She had brought a male friend over a little over 8 months ago. I knew undoubtedly, that I was in the process of a slow stroke the longer my night went on and I never heard the door – never heard him leave.

That was the first time I ever heard anything remotely inappropriate come from her room. I had been sitting on the arm of the couch that stood at the wall where our apartments were connected, thinking about what they were doing in there. He had to have still been there because like I said earlier, I never heard him leave.

I was becoming more and more angry from the detour my thoughts had taken. I could see him pinning her against the bed, the light from her beside lamp illuminating her hair and then her body.

I paced angrily, so sure he was fucking her, that I could almost hear her panting.

I stopped in my tracks, pressing my body up against the wall, trying desperately to hear anything that I could.

Finally, I found a thin spot between the sheet rock and I know my heart stopped.

"Ooooh! Mmmmm, yes..." she moaned loudly. From as loud as her voice was, I knew she was in the same spot against her wall that I was.

Embarrassment flooded my body quickly before the anger returned.

_HOW DARE SHE? How dare she let him fuck her against the wall that stood in between us! It was sacrilege, it was heaven._

"Mmmm, Edward..." her voice broke into my purgatory, "Yes, Edward. Please make love to me."

Her voice was begging, my body was aching to go answer her call.

_Goddammit Edward! _I chided myself quietly, _you act like you're the only moron on the face of the earth with the name Edward! I happen to know that it is still one of the most popular names of all time._

Sadly, I would take what I could get.

That night, I started my nightly fantasies which would leave me naked, spent and in desperate need of a moment to clean my wall.

As time wore on, I caught her getting off on our wall several times – each time more intense.

Each morning after, I would catch her eyes as she entered the hallway...privy to the glow on her face that made her look ethereal. I would live for those mornings. Her glances and smiles would last longer than normal...and they would stop all space and time for me.

We were still no closer than we were before to having meaningful conversations, but I'm certain she knew that I knew.

That brings me back to this moment in time – right now.

I circled the park, pretending to enjoy the cooler fall air and the soft green grass under my bare feet.

As I would get closer, I would see her eyes dart to mine for a moment before she would close hers again.

_So she wants to play this way?_

I made the circuit once more, finally stopping behind the tree directly behind where Alice was laying in the grass.

I stood there for long moments, peering around the tree at an oblivious Alice.

Suddenly, all my hard work paid off, she rolled her head around a few times on her shoulders before lazily opening her eyes, expecting to see me somewhere in her periphery. I couldn't help the smug feeling as a slow panic took her over. She obviously wasn't seeing what she was expecting.

The park was mostly empty, a few of snoozing grad students under trees and spread out across the grass.

I stepped quietly from behind the tree, gazing on this beauty that was reminiscent of a startled deer.

"_Hello, Alice..." I said, my voice husky and deep, "Is it me you're looking for?"_

I saw her visibly relax before she responded. "Hmm," she hummed, "You should know the answer to that Edward. You've only been following me around for three years. I've been wondering what has kept you from me for so long...I know you've heard me at night. I know this because I hear you...at night. When you're thinking of me? It's my name that you call as you abuse yourself."

Her hand was playing with the small bit of exposed skin of her midriff, her fingers made a slow circuit across the flesh, making me twitch in my pants and close the distance between us.

"_You think highly of yourself, woman," I said giving her my hundred watt, panty melting smile, "How do you figure it is you I'm thinking of? I could have issues with my self image...I could get off on the idea of me getting off."_

I smirked at her but continued my approach to her, unable to leave even a small space between our bodies.

The kiss was fire and sex and explosions. It was smoldering and hot. It froze me to my soul. It was nothing...it was everything.

I stood back from the bluest eyes I had ever seen.

"_Well," she said politely, "Come on home..."_

**A/N: Like I said, a lot shorter...but que sera, sera. I hope it was enjoyable, nonetheless. I always love a good Stalkerward...or even better – an Obsessiveward. Obsessiveward is hot.**

***snaps out of it***

**Sorry...was I drooling? Lol, on to the creation of the next.**

**Hello – Lionel Richie**

**I've been alone with you inside my mind  
And in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times  
I sometimes see you pass outside my door  
Hello, is it me you're looking for?**

I can see it in your eyes  
I can see it in your smile  
You're all I've ever wanted, (and) my arms are open wide  
'Cause you know just what to say  
And you know just what to do  
And I want to tell you so much, I love you ...

I long to see the sunlight in your hair  
And tell you time and time again how much I care  
Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow  
Hello, I've just got to let you know

'Cause I wonder where you are  
And I wonder what you do  
Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you?  
Tell me how to win your heart  
For I haven't got a clue  
But let me start by saying, I love you ...

Hello, is it me you're looking for?  
'Cause I wonder where you are  
And I wonder what you do  
Are you somewhere feeling lonely or is someone loving you?  
Tell me how to win your heart  
For I haven't got a clue  
But let me start by saying ... I love you 


	8. God Loves Ugly

God Loves Ugly ~ Jordin Sparks

I stood in front of the mirror again, glaring balefully at my reflection.

What I saw depressed the hell out of me.

My weight had always been a sore point for me...as had the rest of my appearance.

When I was in high school I was rather proud of my body – everything was perfect in my eyes. There were always things about myself that I would have loved to change about myself, but I used to think that everyone felt that way about themselves...that was until college and I met my two best friends, Rosalie McCarty and Alice Whitlock.

They were both perfect and had married the men of their dreams. I, on the other hand, had done little more than casually date. Either the guy would get tired of my insecurities and leave or I would get frightened by the prospect of staying with someone who would end up leaving me as soon as he saw me naked.

Like I said before, I used to be proud of my body...then my parents divorced, my father was shot and killed in the line of duty while on patrol as the chief of police in my little hometown, my idiot brother went looking for our father's murderer and damn near got himself killed in the process, my first serious boyfriend went off and cheated on me with one of my best friends, Leah, and last but not least, I was raped by a friend of my late father, who told me repeatedly during the attack that he _loved_ fat girls...which was why he chose me.

After that fiasco, my depression made itself known.

In an attempt to hide from the pain, I turned to my comfort foods...anything fried...or sugary...or fattening.

It was nothing for me to put down an entire package of bacon...or a whole bucket of KFC Original Recipe.

Alice, Rosalie and Angela (my best friend in high school aside from Leah) watched as my weight began to skyrocket.

Because of the influx, my clothes wouldn't fit me anymore, which also caused my depression to get worse as well.

They tried, God love them, to get me to go to the gym. They tried to get me to leave the house more often under the rouse of needing someone to walk with them around the mall. They tried to get me to eat healthier. They tried to get me to go see a therapist.

I tried therapy which, to my utter dismay, only made things worse.

Dr. Carlisle Cullen tried his damnedest to get me on medication for my depression, but all they succeeded in doing was making me gain more weight.

I wasn't on the meds for long after I realized that they helped me pack on an extra forty pounds with no help from me.

After going off of the medication, the girls became more concerned because I was no longer even making the attempt to be social – not even with them – anymore.

At my absolute worst, I began to go to Over Eaters Anonymous. Dr. Cullen was thrilled. It seemed that, with the help of the group, I was beginning to make some headway.

I began to walk around the walking track at the city park and although I hurt like a bastard for days after these walks, I became addicted, in a sense, to the exercise.

The weight started to drop off slowly, but any progress was appreciated at that time.

After about a year of walking at the park, the weight just stopped coming off. The depression came back with a vengeance. It seemed that no matter how much I walked, I was at a standstill with my weight loss.

I went to see Dr. Cullen about trying something to help the extra pounds come off, but nothing that he gave me to try would help.

I was stuck at 187 pounds.

During the worst of the depression from my inability to lose the weight, I met someone on the walking track.

Edward Masen walked several miles a day and it showed.

In the beginning we never said anything to each other...but as things of that nature do – the silence didn't last.

After we started talking, he did something that very few people were able to do: he broke down my walls so that I could speak to him candidly about how I felt.

He would listen to me cry, complain and rant about my weight and sympathetically would nod and murmur his understanding. I don't see how he could understand where I was coming from. He had never weighed more than 150 pounds his entire life – and most of it was muscle. He was built like a sculpture of the most amazing male specimen ever to walk the Earth.

The closer we became, the more about my self-depreciating side he learned.

He tried being tactful, saying I was beautiful and complementing me as much as he was able.

The only thing that successfully did was make my trust in him steadily decline. It also made me feel worse that what I had originally started out feeling.

There was no way this masterpiece thought I was beautiful. Anybody in their right mind could see how disgusting I was.

There were days when I had no desire to get out of bed at all, knowing he would be waiting for me at the track to fill me with more empty compliments.

Today, I threw on my favorite pair of jeans and a large t-shirt. I haphazardly tossed my hair up into something resembling a ponytail. I didn't bother with makeup – I had no one to look good for, so it was pointless.

When I arrived at the park, I saw Edward waiting at our spot, completely at ease talking to a middle aged woman who was also big.

I saw red.

I felt betrayed. Granted, we weren't dating or anything of that sort, but it would have been nice to know that he didn't spew that 'beautiful' bullshit to just any random fat ass that he ran into at the park.

I stood there for a few more seconds until he reached up and tucked a few loose strands of hair behind her ear.

My temper got the best of me and before I knew fully what I was doing, I approached the track – taking off into a sprint the second my feet touched the asphalt.

I ran right past the two of them, not glancing in their direction...even when Edward called my name. I just ran faster.

After I had run a complete lap and was nearing where they were still standing, an unreadable expression on both of their faces, I knew I had to acknowledge him standing there.

I did my best rendition of a smile and gave a half-hearted wave as I approached them.

"Bella," Edward greeted me, a tone in his beautiful voice that I had never heard before, "What in the hell was that? I called out to you and you just kept running."

His head was cocked to the side and my anger was picking up steam.

"Sorry," I replied, even though my voice said anything but an apology, "I didn't hear you. I see you have company...and I need to finish my laps so that I can go home, so I'll see you later?"

His eyes flashed at my best attempt of a brush off I could manage.

"My _company_, Bella, is my mother. I know that you've been having some trouble with your weight and figured that if you ever needed to talk to someone who is going through the same things you are, she would be a good one to talk to. She has struggled with her weight since she was a teenager and she could be a perfect shoulder to lean on. Bella, this is Elizabeth, my _mother_. Mom, this is Bella, the woman I have been telling you about."

I stood there with my mouth agape, unable to say hello to this woman who I had been envisioning as a threat to my happy solitude with Edward. Our walks were the one bright spot to my days.

She stepped forward to me looking a bit timid – just what I needed, to scare the mother of my walking partner.

"Hello Bella," the musical quality of her voice was entrancing, "As Edward said, I have had weight issues since I was a young girl. As I got older, the weight seemed to be having a fat party in my body and inviting all of it's friends. It seems I have tried every diet and medication on the market; the only thing I successfully accomplished in that was that I almost killed myself. It took a looong time, but with the help of Edward's father, Edward Sr, I was finally able to see the beauty in myself. I can actually go shopping for clothes without having an emotional breakdown in the dressing room. I now know that no matter how "big" I get, Edward Sr will always love me. He believes in me, no matter if I'm in sweats, no make up and jacked up hair or if I'm in a ball gown with every hair in place and perfect make up. His belief in me is all that matters. At the end of the day, he believes I'm perfect and I'm good with that."

She winked at me, "And apparently, my Edward Jr takes after his dad. He has come to the house in a wreck over you, girlie. It kills him that you feel so badly about yourself and he wants to change your opinion of yourself so desperately that he has talked to me at length on ways to make you feel beautiful. Sweetheart, you really ARE a beautiful girl...I don't see how you don't see it yourself."

I stood dumbfounded with tears streaming down my face. This woman didn't even know me and she took time out of her day to come and console me. Before I knew what was really happening, I was telling them both the unabridged version of my life story, only stopping when the emotions got so much for me to handle that I had to break down in sobs.

The twin looks of horror on their faces when I was finally done made me feel even worse.

Finally, Elizabeth spoke, "Bella, darling, look at me," she put her hand under my chin to pull my gaze to hers, "the man that did that to you, the issues that he had were HIS, please don't give him the power to make them yours. He was a sick man, who I hope has gotten the justice he deserves. You are a beautiful woman. You have completely bewitched my son...and that is no small feat. I like to think that he takes after his father and looks for the true beauty in people. His romantic life has been hell because of meddling friends. All he has been looking for all this time was a woman who would love him for him, not for what he could do for her – what he could give to her. I can't tell you how many women have used him for status and material possessions. I worry about him finding true love. He has a feeling about you...and I think he may be correct. I really do wish that you can let go of your insecurities and let him love you. I think you may find that is all that's been missing in your life."

She patted my knee and rose to her feet from the grassy area that we had been occupying. Elizabeth motioned to Edward for him to walk her to her car and he quickly followed her away from me with a glance over his shoulder and a short, "Sit still, Bella, I will be right back."

I sat twisting blades of grass in between my fingers trying to absorb the knowledge she had just dropped on me and finding myself still silently crying.

I was so lost in my thoughts and internal rambling that I hadn't noticed that he had come back to join me.

"Bella," the sound of my name on his tongue sounded like a whisper of silk over bare skin.

I raised my bloodshot eyes to his and the breath was stolen from my lungs at the sheer amount of emotion I saw in them.

"Bella," he repeated, this time so close to me that his lips brushed lightly against my own, "My mother was being completely honest. I have found myself so smitten with you that I had no idea what I could do to get you to see yourself the way I see you. If you could just have some confidence in that God doesn't make mistakes, nor does he make trash. It's society's views on everything that makes us consider people ugly or beautiful. See yourself as I see you...as God sees you. You are an incredible woman to have made it as far as you have in one piece. You are strong. You are brave. You are kind...even through moments in your life that would reduce any normal person to ashes of their former self! Everything that you've experienced in your life has brought you one step closer to me and, though I'm sad that they were hard and heartbreaking, I am extremely thankful for them."

He stopped long enough to pull away from me and look deep into my eyes.

"Will you let go of your insecurities so that I can love you the way you deserve to be loved? Hell, I have found myself turning down dates that my friends try to set me up on, citing that I'm already dating someone. Did you know that for all intents and purposes, we have been dating for about four months now?"

He laughed heartily and I found myself laughing too.

"Well, if we've been dating, I think I may have slept through most of it," I said with a smile, glad that my eyes were finally drying up on me, "isn't it traditional for the guy to actually ASK the girl though?"

A mischievous glint appeared in his eye as he pulled me to my feet then knelt in front of me.

My mouth dropped open and all I could find myself thinking was: NOT THAT! NOT THAT!

He took both of my hands in his and with all the emotion in his eyes, he asked, "Bella, will you...make me the happiest man of all time and...go out with me?"

My breath left my lungs in a happy whoosh and shyly I replied, "I think that could be arranged."

He laughed loudly and stood up, grabbing me in his arms and twirling me as if I weighed nothing.

Fast forward two months and here I am, glaring at my reflection like it would immediately drop sizes from my frame.

Edward has been waiting for me in the bedroom for the past forty-five minutes patiently, while I war with myself on whether or not I can bring myself to go out in the room with him.

For the past two months, Edward has been the perfect gentleman, never once pressuring me for anything I wasn't ready to give him.

The past two months have been torture for me. I have wanted nothing more than to have him make love to me and every time we make out, it gets so close to being physically intimate that I freak out. The first time it happened, he brushed the skin of my stomach under my shirt and I spent the next five hours in the bathroom bawling my eyes out. Edward felt so guilty that he bought me a necklace. I, in turn, felt so guilty, that I avoided him for the next week, only speaking to him when he would break the silence with intermittent text messages.

He has been so careful with me that my heart swells every time I think about it.

Tonight was the night.

I was going to woman the fuck up and go out there and make love to my boyfriend.

If I could ever get up the courage to take off this robe and walk out there to him.

After another five minutes, Edward knocked quietly on the door, "Bella. Baby. We don't have to do this tonight. I can very easily get dressed, we can go into the living room and watch a movie. As much as I would love to show you the physical aspect of my love for you, it's not more important than your comfort. Baby?"

"I'm on my way out, Edward," I said, my voice nearly begging him, "please go lay down."

I heard his footsteps retreating from the door.

_See, Bella,_ I internally chided myself, _this is why you're going to man the fuck up and go out there. Edward is waiting on you. He has been more than patient. He has seen you in a bathing suit, for Christ sakes, there's nothing much left that he hasn't seen. Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. The. Bathroom. Now._

I took a shuddering breath and stepped to the door, my silk robe wrapped tightly around my body – my last defense against him seeing me completely naked.

I smiled lightly as I heard the faint and heartbreakingly romantic music coming from the speakers around the room.

He knew I loved Kenny G for romantic moments.

My throat constricted as I thought of him doing all of this for me – making sure that my first time with him was beautiful and wonderful and romantic...even the lights were low...candles were everywhere.

I raised my eyes to the bed where he was lounging against the headboard, completely naked.

A tear escaped my eye as I took in his fantastic body. My momentary confidence wavered as I thought of what I would look like next to all that perfection.

The tear did not escape his notice and he rose from the bed in one fluid motion and glided over to me.

"Baby, I meant what I said," he said reassuringly, "If you're not ready, I can wait."

He looked deeply into my eyes as I felt my resolve strengthen.

Apparently, he saw all he needed to see, because in the next moment, he slowly began to kiss me and replaced my hands with his own. I clamped my eyes shut as Edward pulled back from me just enough to allow himself the opportunity to watch as he undressed me.

I felt the belt loosen and his hands move up near the top of the robe, pulling the front open slowly.

I didn't hear or feel anything for long moments and I finally opened my eyes to see what was going on, even as my heart was clenching in my chest at the thought of him being repulsed by me.

I didn't expect to see his amazing green eyes in a dark shade that I had never seen on him before. His breathing was harsh and his eyelids were heavy.

He had been waiting for me to open my eyes.

In a deep, husky voice that I had never heard from his lips before, I heard him breathe, "Baby, you're exquisite. I would love nothing better than to touch you. May I?"

I nodded my head almost imperceptibly and immediately felt his warm hands start at my both sides of my neck and slowly work their way down to cup my breasts. He watched as he gently rubbed his thumbs over my nipples and how they hardened at his touch. My breath began to speed up as he lowered his head to one of my breasts and toyed with the nipple with his tongue.

His eyes rose to mine as he licked and sucked his way across my chest to the other breast.

My heart was beating so fast in my chest that I was sure he could hear it.

As he continued his attentions on my chest, his hands continued downward, over my stomach, around to my sides and down to my hips, where they finally rested for a moment.

"So beautiful," he whispered as he lowered his head to kiss my stomach.

I was quivering so badly under his touch that I was beginning to fear I would shake myself apart.

Edward stood up to his full height before putting both hands under my ass and lifting, holding me to him as he made his way back to the bed.

Laying me down as gently as he could on my back, he knelt at the edge of the bed, letting his eyes dance all over my naked form and although I felt a little nervous at how he would respond, I couldn't help the tremor that passed through me as I looked him over and noticed his lower half responding to the sight of my naked flesh.

He noticed where my gaze was, gently lowered himself over me and breathed into my ear, "Do you see how desirable I find you, Bella? My body would never react this way if I didn't see you as beautiful. Please believe that I have never seen another woman so beautiful as you."

He kissed my lips for an indescribable moment before moving to my neck.

"I know you have a hard time believing how special you are to me. Let me explain as I show you."

He placed his mouth on my breasts again and I found myself arching into his touch. He placed his hands where his mouth had just been and said in a breathy voice, "I know how you feel about your breasts, but let me tell you what I see when I look at them," he began to play softly with my nipples and palmed the skin, "I see the chest that you will console me with when I'm having a bad day; a pillow that I can rest my head on when I'm feeling vulnerable; and later, these breasts will help sustain our children until they are able to eat formula and solid food."

He moved his hands in whisper-soft motions down to my stomach where he placed a kiss before continuing, "I know how you hate your stomach but this is what I see when I look at it: I see the place that will house our children for nine months; I see womanly curves that will drive me wild when I see them until I have the pleasure of touching them."

Edward placed his hands on my too-wide hips and massaged them as he looked into my eyes, "These hips will help stabilize your body while you are pregnant with our children and give them support so that they don't hurt you; these hips will also swing to entice me when you're feeling playful or flirty."

Finally, he placed his hands on my thighs, another really sore point for me, "Your thighs. God, your thighs. These thighs will wrap around me when we are making love, keeping me inside of you and making you feel tighter to intensify the feeling of our love-making; they will also drive me insane when I see them in a pair of shorts, knowing that only hours, days or weeks before, they were wrapped around my waist as you came undone."

"Can you now see that when I look at you, I can't help but to find you the most beautiful woman on the face of the earth?" He was looking at me so openly I found myself tearing up at his beautiful words.

"Bella, baby, please tell me that you can see what I see?" he begged, his voice still so honest that I couldn't help but to imagine all of the wondrous things he envisioned.

I could easily see myself round with his child and I knew, deep down, that he would love me no less than what he does now. Even if the baby weight never came off, he would still look at me and see all the things that my body has given him.

"I understand now, Edward. God, I'm so sorry how I've been acting – I'm truly ashamed of myself," I murmured, more tears sliding down from my eyes and into my ears, "I should have given myself more credit than what I have."

A look of unadulterated relief washed over his face as he leaned down to kiss my tears away.

"I love you, Bella. Ever since I first saw you on that track, I knew you'd be the woman to turn my life from solitude to the happily ever after my mother has wanted so desperately for me. I loved you from that very first moment. And now, this is the best night of my life...so far," he whispered before he slowly slid himself into me.

The bliss of knowing that we were becoming one entity was pure and overwhelming. I gasped and moaned as he took long, slow strokes inside of me. Our bodies rocked together in an unhurried rhythm as we both reached the precipice of our impending climaxes.

With each stroke and thrust, I found myself cling harder to him until I felt like I was trying to climb into his skin.

As our respective worlds completely shattered around us, I felt a perfect sense of completion that I had never felt before.

As he waited inside of me for our breathing to even out he kissed me sensually, murmuring his love for me against my lips.

Finally, he rolled to the side, gathering me into his arms where sleep swiftly claimed us.

Several hours later, I awoke with the need to use the bathroom. I wiggled out of his grasp and walked to the bathroom as quietly as I could – even closing the door before turning the lights on so as not to wake Edward.

When my eyes adjusted to the light, I realized I was facing the large mirror in the bathroom.

I took a good, hard, long look into the mirror. I could see the effect Edward's love had on my body. My lips were slightly swollen from the passionate kisses I had received a couple of hours prior when Edward and I had woken up. His need for me was insatiable. Our joining this time was primal, needing to please the other as much as possible. The orgasm was blinding. I saw spots before my eyes.

My cheeks were still flushed from the memory of his powerful thrusts into my body.

My collarbones had slight bruises from where Edward has sucked hickeys all along them in the heat of the moment.

My breasts looked fuller through my new eyes. I caressed my stomach, remembering the way his touch danced all over it's surface and I found myself eager to get back to the bed so that I could be back with him.

I finished my inspection just in time for a face to appear over my shoulder as Edward pressed the entire length of his body to mine, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me tightly to his body.

"See, Bella? You are gorgeous. And you're all mine. ALL MINE," he growled playfully into my shoulder.

Still standing facing the mirror, I watched as his hands roamed my body, touching all of the places I had loathed only hours before and realizing that I was satisfied with my body...obviously, it was perfect enough to grab Edward's attention.

My eyes rolled into my head as his hands grazed over my overly sensitive breasts and down to the one place I was still aching for him, even though I had just had him several times.

I stood there, watching as his fingers disappeared into my heat over and over again until my legs felt so weak that I needed to brace myself against the counter with my arms so Edward wouldn't have to completely support all of my weight.

"Bella," Edward growled at me, snapping my attention to his face in the mirror, "watch as you come undone around my fingers. See how beautiful you are when you are in the throes of your orgasm. If I thought you were beautiful before, I had never seen anything more perfect in my life. Watch."

I met my eyes in the mirror and watched as my lips parted to let the pants escape them. I knew I wouldn't be able to hold on for much longer. He had already learned so much about my body; he was playing it like a finely tuned instrument.

My face flushed as he brought his fingers up to my clit, working fast and furious circles over the sensitive nub. My knees began to buckle and I moaned loudly when Edward reached around my waist to grip me tighter to him.

A few more circuits and I was done for. I watched as my head fell back minutely to his shoulder; my parted lips; my heavy-lidded eyes, my flushed skin.

He was right...his love made me more beautiful than I had ever imagined myself.

**A/N: Okay, so that ended kinda not where I thought it would...but these damn things write themselves sometimes. Oh well. If you've never heard this song, you really do need to head on over to youtube and check it out. It is still one of the very few songs that no matter how many times I hear it, it still makes me cry and breaks my heart. I think it's a song that everyone should listen to and take to heart, cause no matter how beautiful a person is, I don't think anyone's truly happy with how they look...and it turned out that this one was a bit harder for me to write because I had to pull from some of my own insecurities to make Bella's issues more believable.**

**Also, I know that the second part of the song is directed at God (I think) but it seemed to me that this Bella needed to see that Edward saw inside of her and still believed she was beautiful even after everything she had been through in her life...and like I said, these things do write themselves sometimes.**

**I have taken some time away from the original idea of this challenge because there seem to be too many good songs out there that call to me. I have two more o/s's finished for this challenge to kinda get the edge on this, so that I can hopefully start updating more regularly...we will see how that works. (Thank God for wi-fi hot spots!)**

**As it stands, I have 103 songs that I want to write about, not including the *N SYNC ones, I have each of them in a folder all of their own so that I can just pull each one up and go from there.**

**Until next time *~***

**Kelly**

**Ps, I know that I have epically failed each and every one of you by not updating and for that I am truly sorry. Please leave me a review – even if it's cussing me out for the exorbitant length of time between updates – just to let me know that you're still there. Also, I would love for you to let me know of any songs that are out there that speak to you or are special to you so that I can check them out and see if I could do them any justice. :)**

**Lyrics**

**You said that I wasn't pretty**

**So I just believed you**

**And you said that I wasn't special**

**So I lived that way**

**With critical gazes and brutal amazement**

**At how my reflection could be so imperfect**

**With all of my blemishes**

**How could somebody want me?**

**But God loves ugly**

**He doesn't see the way I see**

**Oh God takes ugly**

**And turns it in to something that is beautiful**

**Apparently I'm beautiful**

**'Cause you love me**

**(woah, oh)**

**I tried to clean up the outside**

**All shiny and new**

**Worked overtime to thin up and look right**

**But inside I knew**

**That deep in the bottom were secrets **

**I thought I could try to ignore**

**Old ghosts in my corridors**

**Never get tired of haunting the past that's in me**

**But God Loves ugly**

**He doesn't see the way I see**

**Oh God takes ugly**

**And turns it into something that is beautiful**

**Apparently I'm beautiful**

**'Cause you love me**

**Help me believe**

**Why you love me**

**When I know you see**

**You see everything**

**Help me believe**

**Why you love me**

**When I know you see**

**Inside and you still say I'm beautiful**

**You're telling me I'm beautiful**

**You're screaming out I'm so beautiful**

**And I'm finding out I'm beautiful**

**You're making me so beautiful**

**And I can see...**

**I'm beautiful**

**'Cause you love me**

**(woah, oh)**


	9. Never Be The Same

Never Be The Same – Red

**A/N: I just wanted to set the stage for a moment before jumping into the "story". This is going to be my version of New Moon after Edward leaves Bella. Bella doesn't jump – Alice doesn't really interfere until her time in my version. I hope you like it. This song is one of the most amazing songs I have ever heard. When Bella sings it, you might aught to want to pull it up on youtube to listen to it at the same time...you will just have to imagine a girl singing it, lol. Also, there will be another song by Red in here, but it is to set up for Never Be The Same, so you can look it up too if you'd like. It's called "Already Over". One last thing, you will notice a few quotes from New Moon...and some that I have taken the liberty to change. I don't own anything recognizable.**

**BPOV**

"_It will be as if I never existed..."_

I sat with his words echoing in my head...again. These past few months have been hell on me.

Jake was worried.

Charlie was worried.

Hell, even I was beginning to worry. I had never really been one to dwell on and harbor sadness, but it seemed that when Edward left me in the woods, he had permanently etched sorrow onto my soul.

At the worst point, Jake had found me...in the woods with my arms bleeding profusely. I had decided that I couldn't live with the pain Edward had inflicted on me and the pain I was constantly inflicting on all of those who I loved and still held dear to my heart.

I had decided to take matters into my own hands, go out into the woods far enough that Charlie wouldn't find me, slit my wrists, then wait for Victoria to find me or wait to bleed out so that my heart could finally have some peace.

I used a knife that I knew Charlie kept razor sharp for his fishing trips...and then just moments after I sank to my knees from the blood loss, I felt Jake's hot and powerful arms envelope me as he lifted me from the bracken I knelt upon.

He cussed me from the moment he picked me up right up until he took me to see the tribal doctor to be stitched up since the best doctor in town had pulled up his roots and left without a goodbye. Also, taking me to the tribal doctor would keep Charlie as far out of the loop as possible...so that he wouldn't have me committed.

I had overheard the midnight conversations with Rene he had been having. I knew that if I didn't soon straighten up, he would be contacting the home for the clinically insane in Seattle.

I'd rather die than go to a place where they would keep me drugged up. I knew that even if they had managed to keep me dopey, I would then be trapped in memories of Edward leaving me that I wouldn't be able to pull myself out of. There was no way in hell that it was going to happen to me.

After my episode, Charlie insisted on me spending any time he couldn't be home to keep an eye on me with Jake at the reservation. Charlie still to this day believed that I had fallen out on the beach and had managed to severely cut my wrists and arms on some rough coral.

Jesus. Was I SO prone to moments of life threatening idiocy that everyone just believed what was told to them about my "falling down"?

I believe, deep down, that Charlie really did know what was happening, but was choosing to believe that if he forced me to spend time with Jacob, I would heal.

Sadly, he was right.

After a few months of never-ending boredom on the reservation, I walked around town for a few hours. When I returned back to the house, I heard some of the loudest music I had ever heard coming from Jake's garage.

The only way to explain it was a beautiful mix of rock and metal and, God, it was my salvation.

I sat listening, like the enraptured teenager I was as Jake's little rock band played a song that they had written.

The words touched my heart...and felt like they were ripping the scabs from the wounds Edward had inflicted on my heart and were beginning to heal them immediately.

**You never go,**

**You're always here (suffocating me)**

**Under my skin,**

**I cannot run away,**

**Fading slowly...**

**I'd give it all to you,**

**Letting go of me,**

**Reaching as I fall,**

**I know it's already over now,**

**Nothing left to lose,**

**Loving you again,**

**I know it's already over,**

**Already over now.**

**My best defense, **

**Running from you,**

**I can't resist,**

**Take all you want from me,**

**Breaking slowly...**

**I'd give it all to you,**

**Letting go of me,**

**Reaching as I fall,**

**I know it's already over now,**

**Nothing left to lose,**

**Loving you again,**

**I know it's already over,**

**Already over, now!**

**You're all I'm reaching for,**

**It's already over,**

**All I'm reaching for!**

**It's already over now.**

**I'd give it all to you,**

**I offer up my soul,**

**It's already over,**

**Already over now!**

**Give it all to you,**

**Letting go of me,**

**Reaching as I fall,**

**I know it's already over now,**

**Nothing left to lose,**

**Wanting you again!**

**I know it's already over now!**

**It's already over now!**

**I know it's already over,**

**Already over...**

I stood still, struck dumb by the sheer emotion that flowed through me. Jake's words poured over my soul and I almost felt at peace...

Until I realized that Jake had written the song...for me...and was currently horrified that I had heard the words that he obviously never meant for me to hear.

My mind was racing a mile a minute until I, completely ignorant in my choice to do so, clapped. I clapped, hooted and hollered for all of them; Jake, Embry, Quil and Seth.

I knew that while I was gone from the reservation, Jake had started up a little garage band to help let go of some pent up aggression.

"**Bella," Jake said, his voice shaking slightly, "Hey. I thought you had went home...so I called the guys for a jam session. I'm really sorry you had to hear that, but it helps me cope with my feelings."**

"**Jacob Black!" I scolded, "You never told me that you guys were this good! I'm really proud of you guys! You made it sound like you guys never really played full songs, just played around with chords and stuff...but to write and play an entire song? Wow! I'm really impressed."**

He kinda scuffed the toe of his sneaker on the ground and blushed a little bit while motioning to the other guys, "Well, they did most of the work – I just wrote the words to the song."

Seth chimed in, "Yeah, he wrote the words for the most amazing song of all time! As soon as we come up with enough material, we're gonna approach a record label in Seattle...see if we can get us a recording contract."

The other guys nodded enthusiastically.

"**I want in," I added shyly, "I mean, if you guys don't mind a girl coming in and ruining your testosterone party..."**

Jake looked to the other guys in the group and they all nodded their consent, "Well, we've heard you sing out here before and we'd love to be the next Evanescense. I think having you with us could be a selling point with the label."

After discussing some details with the guys, I went home to write my first song.

I never expected that THAT one song would end us up where it did.

~~~~**Flash forward two weeks**~~~~

I lay on my bed, writing and rewriting the song that we would eventually become known for. Throughout the entire writing process Edward's words rang through my head less and less...I didn't know whether to be sad that I wasn't hearing his musical voice anymore or to be happy that I was finally letting go, in a sense.

"_**I can see, I can still find, you're the only voice my heart can recognize, but I can't hear you now..."**_

This songwriting process was taking it's toll on me emotionally. I became so engrossed with the completion of this song that I didn't even really remember to eat as often as I should.

"_**You led me here, then I watched you disappear, you left this emptiness inside and I can't turn back time. NO! STAY! Nothing compares to you, nothing compares to you and I can't let you go..."**_

In some ways, this was therapeutic – I wasn't having nightmares anymore about him leaving. It seemed I was, in my own way, letting him go finally.

I was finally okay with the idea I may never see him again.

~*~*~*~Three years in the future~*~*~*~

**EPOV**

I sat in the house, mindlessly watching another news program. This has been my life after the biggest mistake of my never ending existence. We all moved to Oregon, just to be close for our efforts in dispatching Victoria.

Getting to and getting rid of her wasn't nearly the problem we had expected. We caught her outside Bella's house one night and quickly dragged her out into the woods to tear her apart so as not to alert or disturb Bella.

Ah, Bella. It seemed she had been having a hell of a time with our departure...a lot worse than the torture I had been dealing with on a daily basis since we left.

At least my family understood what I was going through...Bella really couldn't talk to anyone about what had transpired between us because of what we, my family and I, are. If Charlie wasn't thinking about having her committed before, he most definitely would if she finally sat down with him and told him that she had been in love with a vampire and his family...and that we had left her "because she no longer fit in with our world".

I was such a goddamned moron.

Who was I kidding? She was meant for this life. She was born to die the temporary death that all of us vampires do to start our never-ending eternity. No matter what I did or tried to keep her safe, she always managed to draw the next vampire within a five-hundred foot radius to her.

Jesus, I was so glad I couldn't tire, because protecting her all of the time would have exhausted me to the point of death.

_Oh, my God, it's Bella!_

I was shook from my internal ramblings by Alice's thoughts. I had made her promise me not to look at visions of Bella – to essentially block those visions so that Bella could have a shot at a normal, human life without us.

I became angry, until I realized that she wasn't the only one thinking it.

I followed what everyone else was doing and stared dazedly at the television screen. She was just as beautiful as she ever was...dressed in a simple pair of tight jeans and an equally tight, ripped t shirt and recently dyed black hair – she was a vision.

Shit! What was she doing on the Today Show?

I watched the interviewer as she smiled happily at Bella...and it took me a few moments to realize that she was asking questions...which were being answered.

"_So, Bella," the woman started with a smile, "How did your group come up with the name for your band?"_

Bella blushed a deep crimson, "Um, well, Blood Red Swans came from an inside joke between the guys and myself."

"_It seems you are very close to all of the guys of the band, what about the rumors that "Already Over" is a song that Jacob Black, your lead guitarist, wrote for you...about his feelings for you?"_

"_Well, he actually did. I was in love for a long time with my first love...and Jake had some feelings for me that he had a really hard time getting over. Writing them down and putting them to music seemed to be therapeutic for him and helped him get over me...before I was able to break his heart."_

"_So, there is nothing between you two?"_

"_God," Bella sighed, "Nothing romantic. Jake is like the brother I never had. He brought me back from a very dark time in my life. He helped me heal and showed me that there was another way for me to heal...I just needed to let the music in."_

"_So, your debut song, "Never Be The Same" isn't about your love for Jacob?"_

I had to give the interviewer credit...once she got her mind set on something, she damn sure didn't give up easily.

Bella laughed, completely oblivious to where the woman was trying desperately to lead her, "'Never Be The Same' was written about the very first love of my life..."

My breath caught in a ball in my throat and I felt like I was choking.

"I won't say his name to protect his identity, but when he left, I was emotionally dead. Really fucked up. I didn't want to live anymore. He essentially took my will to live when he left with my heart. It took writing this song for me to realize that he hadn't taken MY heart, he had taken his back...and that was something I could live with. My world had revolved around him for so long that when he left, I felt like mine had ceased it's own rotation...once I sat down and started writing this, it began to finally heal the part of me that had been damaged."

"Can you explain the true meaning behind this story...for those out there that don't find it painfully obvious?"

Dear God, no.

"It's about giving yourself to someone so fully that when they decide that you're no longer compatible, it crushes you. You're constantly engulfed in these memories...these promises of the yesterdays you shared together...and you're having a damned hard time letting go. It's about not giving up on love, even though the person you just KNEW would be your future couldn't see you as theirs. It's the only way I could have ever truly begged my side of the story...as he didn't give me a fucking chance to say my peace...so now I can finally be free of all of the pain and misery he caused when he left me alone and in the darkest part of my soul."

"Well, do you hope that this idiotic mystery man hears this song and contacts you?"

"At first, I did, but now that I'm fully healed, I honestly don't know what I'd say to him if he did come back into my life."

My heart began to break little by little listening to her talk about our past relationship.

"Well, you heard it first here, ladies and gentlemen, if you're the mystery man behind the first of what I feel is to be a long line of number one songs for Blood Red Swans, you might just be too late to fix what you broke. Now, let's hear it for Blood Red Swans! They're performing their very first number one hit right here for you all right now! Give it up for "Never Be The Same"!"

I sat transfixed as I watched Bella gracefully approach the stage set up in the middle of Time Square of New York. She nimbly placed her hands on the stage and swung her entire body up onto the platform. She approached the only open microphone and turned to Jacob and the other unknown guys of the group smiling in their directions as a sign to start the music.

Mellow and sad guitar chords flowed out from the speakers for a few seconds before I heard the most beautiful sound I had ever heard...Bella's voice. She looked at the camera with an almost peaceful look on her face as she began to sing:

"I know you, who are you now? Look into my eyes if you can't remember, do you remember? Oh, I can see, I can still find, you're the only voice my heart can recognize, but I can't hear you now, yeah. I'll never be the same, I'm caught inside the memories, the promises, our yesterdays, when I belonged to you. I just can't walk away, 'cause after loving you, I could never be the same..."

My stone heart broke a little more with every word that passed her glossy, rosy lips.

"And how can I pretend I never knew you...like it was all a dream? No, I know I'll never forget the way I always felt with you beside me, and how you loved me then, yeah...I'll never be the same, I'm caught inside the memories, the promises, our yesterdays, when I belonged to you, I just can't walk away, 'cause after loving you, I can never be the same..."

She reached for the camera time and time again, and each time she reached I fought my urges to reach back to her. I knew she was just on the tv screen, not here in front of me. The pain and emotion in her voice was breaking me down...but it was nothing compared to the next thing I heard come from her mouth:

"You led me here, then I watched you disappear. You left this emptiness inside and I can't turn back time...NO! STAY! Nothing compares to you, nothing compares to you and I can't let you go, can't let you go...I CAN'T LET GO! I'll never be the same, not after loving you, not after loving you, no, I'll never be the same, I'm caught inside the memories, the promises, our yesterdays, when I belonged to you...I just can't walk away, 'cause after loving you, I could never be the same...I can never be the same...I will never be the same..."

With each whoa, I felt a little bit more of myself shatter until I was crying tearless sobs. Who knew that something so horrible could be turned into something so beautiful?

"I just can't walk away, no, I can't walk away...from you."

The crowd erupted into screams for the woman I once thought was my future. How was I to know that she felt as deeply for me as I did her? Humans were never supposed to feel as deeply and as permanently as vampires.

This is impossible.

If I didn't know better, I would have sworn that I was dreaming...the worst possible nightmare I could have ever dreamed of. I broke her. My God. The amount of pain I heard in that song was enough that I almost felt as full of anguish as I had upon my turning. The fire of my transformation only overshadowed this pain by mere ounces.

As I looked up at the television screen, they zeroed in on Bella's beautiful face one more time, just in time to catch a beatific smile graced her features...then the screen showed a damn cat litter commercial. I clawed at the screen, desperate for one more glimpse of her, only to be pulled back by none other than Alice.

"Edward, I know you're hurting. I didn't see this until she was on the screen. I'm assuming it's because of the dogs that's in her band. You can't go see her, Edward. You just can't. Your future disappears and I can't see anything after that. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

She was shaking me by the shoulders but I couldn't help the smile that crossed my face. I would gladly die at the hands of those wretched dogs if it meant I got to see her one more time.

The announcer came back on and mentioned that Blood Red Swans were kicking off their four month US tour tonight in New York at Madison Square Garden.

That gave me just over twelve hours to get a ticket, get to her and tell her how I felt before they jet-setted off to the next stop on their tour.

I broke from Alice's grasp and crashed through the front door, a shower of splinters raining all over the front yard as I heard the calls from my family members calling me back to them grow more and more faint.

Exactly eight hours later, I was crossing into the state of New York. I had used my cell phone to purchase a ticket at the last second while I was running. Last stop before the venue was a clothing store.

I threw my credit card down on the counter along with a pair of fitted jeans and a button-down polo shirt. The girl behind the counter looked startled for a moment until she saw the vampiric beauty that I possessed and then quickly went about ringing up my purchases.

Only minutes later, I was dressed in my new attire and speeding toward the woman who so wholly held my heart in her delicate hands.

An hour later I was walking through the doors to the arena. I could smell her scent so concentrated in this area that my heart clenched in my chest as random memories flitted through my mind.

Most of the fans that were here for tonight's show were already here and in their seats. While I sat down front, I listened to bits of each of their different conversations.

"What do you think the guy who broke her heart looks like?" "Obviously he'd have to be a god, 'cause she is one hot ass woman."

"She had to have been _really_ broken when he left her, you can hear the anguish in her when she sings that song. I hope I never feel pain like that."

Fuck. Listening to these people aren't really helping matters.

"Bella, listen to me!" Okay, now Jacob's voice was DEFINITELY one that I wanted to pay attention to, "I'm not trying to start shit with you! That fucking bloodsucker is out there! I can smell him! I'm not sure I want us to go out with him out there!" 

"Jake. Stop!" Bella's voice was angry...and commanding...it was a tone I'd never heard in her voice before, "I don't give a fuck if he IS out there! These people have paid a lot of fucking money to hear our music! How do you expect to be able to make more music for people to listen to if we go down in history as the only act that couldn't grow the balls to face our past head on for our fans and bomb before we have our FIRST fucking concert?"

Everything she said made sense...technically, I was just there to hear the music. I hadn't made my mind up to speak to her or not.

The opening act came on...they were mediocre at best, even the crowd shared my sentiments about them.

Finally, the lights in the arena went down and a deafening rumble roared through the speakers as strobe lights flickered from everywhere on the stage. On the giant screen behind the stage, a carnival game was being played.

Carnival music filled the air as pure white swans rotated on a vertical circle just behind a "grassy" area. From the standpoint of the viewer, you were the shooter. A shotgun was raised at the swans and several deafening shots rang out before one of the shots hit a swan right in the chest. As the circle continued its rotation, the blood dripping from the wounded swan landed on the other ones, staining their beautiful white plumage an angry red. More shots rang out as more swans fell, before one swan was left unscathed. The swan began to come to life and released herself from the metal rings imprisoning her ankles before coming to stand right in the center of the screen, staring out over the audience. She opened her beak to speak and Bella's soft voice floated out of the speakers:

"Time heals all wounds for your kind. You're not good for me. You're mind is nothing more than a sieve and in time, you will forget me. You were never right for me from the beginning. I don't want you. It will be as I've never existed."

I felt nausea twist my stomach in knots as the words I so carelessly said to her all those years ago were flung back to me. Her voice became harder as the next words were said:

"You told me to forget you...but you know what? Fuck you. It's not that easy. Nothing worth having in this life comes easy. You should have understood that and fought for our love. Not left me alone and unprotected. It took me a long time to finally forgive you, you know. But there are some permanent ramifications for your actions – I've been left with paralyzing HATE for you. I hate you. I hate how you controlled me instead of viewing me as your equal. YOU'RE as responsible for the death of that girl all those years ago as if you pulled the trigger yourself. I hope you like what you see and can live with yourself, parasite. Enjoy the show."

In a sudden burst of light, the swan stuck the shotgun in her own mouth and pulled the trigger as blood spattered everywhere over the screen, which promptly turned a sickening blood red before going black.

The crowd cheered as I watched horror-struck. I would have vomited on the floor, had I been able to.

All at once, the lights on stage came on and the Blood Red Swans were all in their respective places on the stage.

They opened with a song that I assumed was the song Jacob wrote for Bella. I believe the name was Already Over.

I cried tearless sobs as Bella sang words that tore at my heart with every note. I know I deserved it. God, I deserved so much worse for what I put her through.

I sat through each of the songs and each one killed me a little bit more. Finally, the show was one song away from being over – they were about to perform "Never Be The Same".

Bella had been the only member of her band who had not seen me yet. As the opening notes to the song started, her eyes aimlessly roamed the crowd before finally seeing me.

Her breath hitched only a moment before Bella the performer kicked into gear and she gave the performance of a lifetime. Her eyes never left mine throughout the song.

When she sang, "NO! STAY!", I wanted nothing more than to rush the stage, pull her into my arms and never let go.

They took their bows after the song and left the stage – which immediately went black and the screen behind the stage lit up again.

Russian Roulette by Rihanna blasted through the speakers as the same scene from before the show played again, this time, the swan didn't talk or shoot itself, it aimed the gun out over the audience and pulled the trigger and as the last shots of the song rang out over the audience, the screen flashed completely yellow as if we were seeing the gun going off those times.

The audience went wild and I, using vampire speed knowing that no one would see me, left the auditorium. I raced to the tour bus parked around back that waited to whisk Bella away to her next destination.

I waited in the shadows until I heard them approaching. Jacob was still very angry and could smell me out here.

I didn't care if they killed me afterward, I just needed for her to listen to me for just a second before they took her.

Bella came through the door and walked directly over to me, "What do you want, Edward?"

Her voice was tight with anger. She waited patiently for a few moments while I collected my thoughts.

"Bella, I love you. I know I will never have another opportunity to be with you again, I just needed you to know that I lied that day. I do love you. I have never stopped loving you and it has all but killed me every day since we left." I poured my heart out, knowing that this just may very well be the next time we ever talk.

"Is that all, Edward?" she asked. I nodded. "Okay. I appreciate you coming all this way to tell me that, Edward. I'm sad to say how much joy it gives me knowing that you were hurting all of this time too, but it's the truth. Don't come to me again, Edward. This time you will be allowed to leave unharmed, but next time, I WILL allow Jake and the rest of the guys to take you out. Goodbye, Edward."

She immediately got on the bus, following directly after her were her guard dogs.

I stood completely immobile and watched her drive out of my life forever.

**A/N: Yeah, I suck. I know. I've always wanted to have Bella have a chance to have her say and be a strong woman about it...not the pushover that SM made her to be. She just took him back. Granted, I am 110% Team Cullen, but he really should have had his ass beat by her for doing what he did, regardless of his reasoning behind it.**

**Leave me some love and let me know what you think. :)**

**Lyrics:**

**I know you, who are you now?**

**Look into my eyes if you can't remember,**

**Do you remember?**

**(Oh)**

**I can see, I can still find,**

**You're the only voice my heart can recognize,**

**But I can't hear you now...**

**(yeah)**

**I'll never be the same,**

**I'm caught inside the memories, the promises,**

**Our yesterdays, when I belonged to you,**

**I just can't walk away,**

**'Cause after loving you,**

**I can never be the same.**

**And how can I pretend I never knew you?**

**Like it was all a dream...**

**(no)**

**I know I'll never forget,**

**The way I always felt with you beside me,**

**And how you love me then...**

**(yeah)**

**I'll never be the same,**

**I'm caught inside the memories, the promises,**

**Our yesterdays, when I belonged to you,**

**I just can't walk away,**

**'Cause after loving you,**

**I could never be the same...**

**You led me here,**

**Then I watched you disappear,**

**You left this emptiness inside,**

**And I can't turn back time...**

**NO!**

**STAY!**

**Nothing compares to you,**

**Nothing compares to you,**

**I can't let you go,**

**Can't let you go,**

**I can't let go!**

**I'll never be the same,**

**Not after loving you,**

**Not after loving you...**

**(no)**

**I'll never be the same,**

**I'm caught inside the memories, the promises,**

**Our yesterdays, when I belonged to you,**

**I just can't walk away,**

**'Cause after loving you,**

**I could never be the same...**

**I can never be the same,**

**I will never be the same,**

**Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,**

**I just can't walk away,**

**No, I can't walk away...from you.**


	10. How Many Words

**A/N: Still don't own most of this shit. Here is the next installment of all this mindfuckery that is The Challenge. Longer A/N at the bottom...with some good news!**

How Many Words – Blake Lewis

"**What more do you want from me, Emmett?"**

I know that I said we wouldn't yell...I was just going to pack my shit and leave...but here he was, trying to make me talk out our problems.

_Again._

I had nothing more I wanted to say.

We had been doing this for years...too many to count. It was always the same shit. He had a wandering eye, I was being an incessant bitch, our bills were too high, he smoked too much weed, I "didn't love him anymore", I didn't make him feel needed, Jesus...it seemed like the list never ended.

The seams of our relationship had been falling apart for a while. I tried everything – including us going to a counselor to work out our problems.

Even the counselor thought we were insane. She only saw us a grand total of 3 times before she told us that we were far beyond any help that she could offer. I laughed in her face before walking out without a backward glance.

We both had trust issues.

The beginning of our relationship was not one of the norm. In trying to make my current boyfriend take the hints that I had been dropping that he obviously was too obtuse to get, I told Emmett, right in front of Royce, that he was to go home and get his shit because he was moving in with me...because Royce was on his way out.

Emmett and I had originally met in a nightclub one night when we were both drunk as hell.

When I woke up next to this behemoth of a man for the first time, I was honestly terrified. This was until he snorted a little in his sleep, wrapped his arms around me, pulled me to him and snuggled his face into the top of my head.

I was instantly smitten.

It was pathetic...and sad.

I dealt with months of pissing and moaning from my two best friends in the world about the ludicrousness of our situation. I listened to Bella and Jasper bitch about how it wasn't going to last. I defended Emmett on a regular basis to Jasper who swore Emmett was one wet slit away from cheating.

I was becoming increasingly more agitated with my meddling friends; I knew that they were only looking out for me, but seriously – I'm 23 fucking years old...plenty old enough to make my own goddamn decisions.

That was my biggest issue with Royce – he treated me like I was his child rather than his lover.

By the end, I loathed him...even the timbre of his voice was like a cheese grater on a fresh cut to my nerves.

I had to be fully medicated toward the end of the relationship just to be able to withstand being in the same room with him.

It was beyond ridiculous.

I should have outright told Royce that I wanted him gone, but I assumed that he was smart enough to take a fucking hint...I had even gone as far as to set his clothes outside and pawned all of his electronics.

Hey! I was nice. I gave him the pawn tickets at least – then if they were _that_ important to him, he could always get them out of the pawn shop.

Of course he didn't.

Moron.

Back to the reason I'm currently screaming at Emmett: I caught him with an ounce of weed after he ** swore** he'd put the shit down so that he could get a **real** job. These damn get rich schemes that he was so invested in were immature as well as very taxing on my wallet. I only work forty hours at the local car dealership and I didn't even get paid hourly. It was shitty salary of $500 every two weeks plus 5% commission on any car I sold.

I know, when I heard about the commission, I was fucking thrilled to pieces. I just knew, with my looks, that I would be able to outsell any other dealer in the company. I was completely right. My numbers were much higher than that of any other dealer, but when you consider that out of every twenty people I walked around the dealership, I would make one sale – two if I was lucky. I ended up making as little as $1,500 off of any one of our cars...seeing as our most cost efficient vehicle ran a temperate $30,000.

My favorite sale was the sale of our most expensive car...I made a whopping $7,500 from our $150,000 'sport performance package' on our beautiful Audi R8. An athlete purchased that car...it was the easiest sale of my career so far. The car sold itself and it didn't hurt that I subtly hinted that he would look 'fuckhot' driving the magnificent machine.

Men are so easy.

Emmett didn't find the humor in the situation until I told him how much my commission was going to be for that car...then he was suddenly proud of the girlfriend he had just all but called a whore.

Jesus, I could hate him sometimes.

Most of our money went to the massive penthouse apartment that we rented – the rest went to Emmett's addiction, what we ended up needing as well as new suits for my job. I found that wearing power suits fed most men's fantasies.

It was beyond ridiculous that I would have to stoop so far as to parade myself around like a peacock vying for attention in a career field that was mainly male oriented.

The odds were on my side when I proved to the guys at the dealership that I knew my way around the inside of an engine better than even their head mechanic. When I won that little pissing contest, I was told that I would be one of their top dealers.

Men are so fucking pathetic.

Emmett thought he had the world wrapped around his finger, so I was going to indulge him. I was moving out and he could take care of all of the bills that he had acquired since moving in with me.

I was no longer going to be the woman who financially supported my man.

If I wanted a son, I would fucking get pregnant. I wanted a lover. A real _man_.

Emmett was mediocre, at best, in the bedroom.

If it wasn't for the fact that I loved dick too much, I would become a lesbian...even if I had yet to find a dick that could take care of my sexual frustrations.

God knows, Bella was desperately trying to get me to bat for her team. She had to get me completely plastered to tell me her side: she had been wanting me to give her an 'audition' for a lack of better terminology.

_~*~*~*~__**Flashback to 3 years ago**__~*~*~*~_

"_Rose," Bella murmured after her fifth shot of Captain Morgan, "I need to discuss something serious with you for a second."_

_I raised my perfectly shaped eyebrow at her._

_We had been doing shots for the past hour and I was beyond buzzed. Bella had asked me out for a 'girl's night out'._

_She never did that unless there was something weighing heavily on her mind._

"_What is it, Bella?" I leaned closer, unable to hide my curiosity._

"_Rose," she sighed, completely wasted, "I know you've had shit luck with men since...well...EVER."_

_She was gesturing wildly as she spoke._

"_Well, I was wondering if you ever..." she struggled for words, her trademark blush creeping across her face._

"_Have I ever what, B?"_

_To say that I was intrigued as well as confused was an understatement._

"_Nevermind, Rose." She said looking disgusted with herself._

_Oh, hell no. No one ever starts a conversation with me and doesn't finish their thoughts._

"_What is it, B?" I pushed gently, hoping that she would just speak her mind. I knew that, out of all of my friends, Bella had the hardest time talking to me – although I never did know why._

_She seemed to find whatever it was that she was looking for in my face because she took a deep breath and continued, "Well, have you ever thought about giving girls a shot?"_

_She studied my face closely as I mulled over what she was asking me._

_Don't get me wrong, I have thought about it more than a few times, but like I said, I like dick waaaay too much to convert._

"_Well," I said honestly, "I would be lying if I said I never have thought about it. But you know me, B, I'm hopelessly addicted to penis. I don't think I could ever fully give it up...no matter how fucking fine the girl was."_

_I couldn't help but notice the cloud of disappointment cross her features._

"_B, is there a reason you asked?"_

"_Well, if you ever decided you wanted to give it a try, I would be happy to be your first." she said in a rush after downing another shot._

_~*~*~*~__**End Of Flashback**__~*~*~*~_

Hell, if there was any way that it would get me out of this mess, I would gladly give Bella a call right now.

Sadly, I was not so naive as to believe that if Emmett saw B and I together, that he would leave – shit, he'd get his camera.

I realized that I had been standing there glaring at him as he begged and pleaded his case. If he only knew that his shit had been falling on deaf ears.

I stalked off to the bedroom to get enough things together for a few nights. I knew that Bella would welcome me into her home with open arms if it meant I was finally leaving Emmett.

Of course, he charged right on after me.

"So, this is just it?" His normally deep voice was cracking under the pressure, "You're just gonna walk out and stick me with all the bills?"

I rolled my eyes, of course he was worried I was going to financially ruin him.

"Emmett, I'm fucking **leaving**! I will take care of the rest of this month's bills and all of my bills from there on out. I'm liquidating our joint bills today. I will be calling Rent-A-Center to come pick up all of the shit we're renting. If you want to continue to pay on them – that's fine. I just want my name off the fucking account. I will be changing my phone number as well as canceling your cell phone service. If you want a cell phone – you can pay for it. I'm not paying anymore for a phone that is not mine. This month's rent is on me. After that, you're just gonna have to figure out to pay for everything. You're just gonna have to go find yourself a job. Hell, sell weed for all I care! You're NOT my problem anymore!"

He stood there with his brimming eyes wide open and his lips quivering. Apparently, shit just got real for him.

"Babe. We're so good together! Why would you want to give that up? Haven't I done everything you've ever wanted me to? Haven't I given you everything?"

Okay, now not only was he full of shit, he was deluded too.

"Listen asshole," I seethed, "**I** have always been the one to work. **I** have been the one to give up everything for you. **I** have been the one to give you everything. **I** have been the one to bend over backwards for this relationship! All I asked from you was to give up the weed and get a fucking job! Even a fourteen hour a week job at McDonald's flipping burgers would have worked, Emmett! YOU'RE FUCKING LAZY, COMPLACENT AND COMPLETELY DELUDED IF YOU THINK I'M GONNA CONTINUE TO SUPPORT YOU! When I get through paying for all of our bills and then whatever the fuck else you decide you want, I am left broke as fuck and am unable to enjoy MY fucking money! When is the last time **you** took **me** out, Emmett? And I don't mean you taking me out with MY money! YOUR MONEY! I can't even tell you when, Emmett! That's just fucking sad!"

As I continued my tirade, I was flying around the room grabbing the essentials – clothes for a few days as well as my bath stuff and my secret money stash inside my box of tampons. (The one place I knew Emmett would rather die than look in.)

His eyes bugged when he saw me grab the wad of hundreds from the tampon box before his faced flushed with raw anger.

"You've been hiding money from me, Rose? All the times I went without and you said we were broke, you've had a small fortune stashed right under my nose?"

"YOU'VE WENT WITHOUT?" I shrieked, "YOU went without? What has your dumb ass ever went without? WEED? Tough shit! I am not fixen to buy you weed when I could use the money for bills! I always knew the time would come when I would have to start fresh and I knew I would need money for a hotel room for a few nights as well as anything else I would need during the transition! This is MY money and I'm taking it with me! You've never worked a day in your fucking life, whereas I've had to bust my ass for the entirety of our relationship! There are days when I feel like a fucking slut because I have to flirt my ass off to get some of these assholes to buy the Goddamned car and then I come home and deal with all of your stoner bullshit! Not anymore! Never again!"

By the end, I was absolutely seething.

"Babe, I HAVE a job! Making a woman like you cum is a fucking job!"

Now he wants to play underhanded hardball? **Oh, I'm game**.

"Nothing like the fucking job that I had – making you believe that I was getting off was more exhausting than what it was worth! It was ABSOLUTELY exhausting writhing under, over and beside you! I have better sex alone than I have ever had with you! I DESERVE A GODDAMN OSCAR FOR THE PERFORMANCE I GAVE EVERYTIME I FUCKED YOU!"

He stood there opening and closing his mouth like a fish before he settled on screaming "YOU EVIL BITCH!" at me and stormed out of the room – the veins in his forehead and neck bulging like he was on the verge of a heart attack.

By this time, I was so livid that the tears were rolling down my face in waves.

I picked up my cell phone and conference called B and Jasper.

They answered in tandem before I quickly explained the situation, "I'm leaving Emmett for good. I need to stay on your couch for a few days, B. I'm calling you guys because Emmett pulled the bitch card and threw our sex life in our face. Of course I threw it back and he is more pissed than I have ever seen him. I need you guys to come over now – especially you, Jasper. I doubt he would ever lay a hand on me, but at this point, I can't be too sure."

I was sobbing in earnest by the end of my explanation and I could hear the engines of both of my friends' cars revving as they sped toward me, both talking over each other.

From Jasper - "It's okay, Roro, I'm only about a minute out." The barely contained rage in his voice would have frightened me if I hadn't known better. Emmett was in a world of shit.

From Bella - "Rose, I'm on my way. GET OUT OF MY WAY FUCKER! JESUS, IT'S CALLED THE SPEED LIMIT MORON – TYPICALLY, ONE USES IT AS A GUIDELINE ON WHICH TO DETERMINE WHAT SPEED TO GO! IF YOU CAN'T AT LEAST GO FIFTY-FIVE, GO THE FUCK HOME AND TRY AGAIN TOMORROW! GODDAMNIT! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE? WHERE DID YOU GET YOUR FUCKING DRIVERS LICENSE ASSHOLE? OUT OF SOMEONE ELSE'S WALLET?" Jesus, when her road rage hit, she was hilarious to listen to.

I snorted in an unladylike fashion listening to them banter back and forth for a little bit until the door to the room flew in and there stood a shaking and very angry Emmett.

"**GET THE FUCK OFF THE PHONE, BABE! WE'RE NOT DONE HERE YET! YOU'RE NOT LEAVING! THIS IS A BUMP IN THE ROAD OF OUR RELATIONSHIP; NOT A DEAD FUCKING END. NOW FUCKING HANG THE GODDAMN PHONE UP OR I WILL HANG IT UP FOR YOU!**"

I didn't hear anything on the phone other than the slamming of a car door and the revving of an engine past the point of redlining it.

I backed up against the wall away from him; I had seen Emmett angry several times before, but never so angry that he was vibrating.

In the time it took him to stomp his way to me, I heard a commotion behind him and looked past him with very wide eyes as Jasper all but flew into Emmett, knocking him to the ground.

"Get the fuck offa me, man. This doesn't involve you yet, Jasper!" Emmett warned in a growl.

He was too far gone to be thinking rationally right now. I watched as a veil lifted from Emmett's eyes and he growled in his throat before looking murderously at Jasper, "**That's it! That's why you're here! You've been fucking her, haven't you Jasper? You've been fucking this whore!**"

Anything else he would have said was cut off as Jasper's fist connected with Emmett's jaw. That is one place I know people underestimate Jasper – he was slight, but built like a brick shit house. He had been in the military for too long to not be built. I had only ever seen him in one fight before – my brother, Edward. Edward had been a complete douche and called me a slut when he found out that I wasn't a virgin. Jasper had known that my losing my virginity had not been consensual and had no problem damn near killing my brother for being as catty as he had been toward me about the situation – even though he had known that his best friend, Mike had raped me, he believed it to be my fault because there was no way Mike would have ever done anything like that.

Jasper in a fight was deadly...if he got too mad, he would blackout and not remember anything from that moment on until he was able to calm down. I knew that he was in a bit of a blackout because his eyes were somehow empty but hate-filled as he held Emmett down by the throat with one hand and continued his assault on his face with the other.

"Jasper!" Bella screamed at him, "ENOUGH! Rose is what's important here! He's unconscious! Let's get her out of here!"

It was like someone flipped a switch, immediately Jasper snapped his face to me: his face a horrified mask.

"I'm sorry, Rose," he said with his voice shaking, "I don't know what came over me."

I let a few tears escape for the tortured expression on his face before I replied, "It's okay, Jas, let's just go."

I left a note on the table in the entrance way. Folded inside the note was four crisp one-hundred dollar bills.

The note read:

_Emmett ~_

_Take this money and go buy yourself another sack of weed as a peace offering for what Jasper did to your face. Don't think of calling the cops. I have witnesses that heard you being combative as well as threatening me._

_I will be back at some point in the near future to get the rest of my shit. I will have Jasper and Bella with me, so I will let you know on my way over so that you can get the fuck out while I collect my possessions to avoid another scene like the one we witnessed today._

_I don't expect to receive any type of communication from you in the future at all – for any reason unless it is something related to my bills for this month._

_I have been waiting for so long to be able to tell you this:_

_No more words. __It's over__. Now I can finally breathe._

_Sweetheart, so now this is goodbye._

_Rosalie_

I had never had the final say in anything in this relationship, so I smiled sadly as I closed the door behind me and followed my two best friends in the whole world down to the cars so that we could go to the bar on the corner and get righteously shitfaced before I started my new life.

The future sure looked bright.

**A/N: So, yeah. I know. Emmett was an ass. The version of this story that I experienced was not nearly as dramatic or horrifying, but it was heartbreaking all of it's own accord. I'm glad that Rosalie got her happy ending here as I did so many years ago. **

**I've got a few more O/S's started for this and I have been working on the next chapter for The Devil Wouldn't Recognize You as well. It's been a work in progress as it's like ripping a scar open...I left my life at HI behind...along with the 'friends' that I had there as well, so there won't be too many chapters left in TDWRY, maybe 3 in all. Then I can finally start work on What It Feels Like For A Girl. It has been too long since I did anything for that story and I'm excited to begin that journey with everyone. Fair warning: I still don't have internet here yet, so I can only update as often as I have a connection...so just please be patient.**

**See you on the flipside! ;)**

_**Lyrics:**_

_**Right back where we started**_

_**Falling apart at the seams**_

_**You tagged your name on my heart and**_

_**I sat there and let it bleed**_

_**Sweetheart, so now this is goodbye**_

_**I'm letting you go**_

_**You're letting me down**_

_**Been caught in your rain (reign)**_

_**And I almost drown**_

_**I'm letting you go**_

_**Our love's black and blue**_

_**How many words does it take to say "I'm through"?**_

_**You said you knew what romance is**_

_**Jaded, I fell for your lies**_

_**You're out of second chances**_

_**Sadly, we're fading out tonight**_

_**Sweetheart, so now this is goodbye**_

_**I'm letting you go**_

_**You're letting me down**_

_**Been caught in your rain (reign)**_

_**And I almost drown**_

_**I'm letting you go**_

_**Our love's black and blue**_

_**How many words does it take to say "I'm through"?**_

_**I have to**_

_**Don't want to**_

_**I've got to set you free**_

_**No more words**_

_**It's over**_

_**Now I can finally breathe**_

_**I'm letting you go**_

_**You're letting me down**_

_**Been caught in your rain (reign)**_

_**And I almost drown**_

_**I'm letting you go**_

_**Our love's black and blue**_

_**How many words does it take to say "I'm through"?**_

_**I'm letting you go**_

_**You're letting me down**_

_**Been caught in your rain (reign)**_

_**And I almost drown**_

_**I'm letting you go**_

_**Our love's black and blue**_

_**How many words does it take to say "I'm through"?**_

_**I'm letting you go**_

_**You're letting me down**_

_**Been caught in your rain (reign)**_

_**And I almost drown**_

_**I'm letting you go**_

_**Our love's black and blue**_

_**How many words does it take to say "I'm through"?**_


	11. Burn It Up

Burn It Up – Jessie James

APOV

I stood outside of my house watching the large bonfire.

I stared into the flames, thinking about all of the time I wasted trying to reform the South's biggest playboy.

Jasper Whitlock.

I felt my temper flare just at thinking his name. I picked up the near empty bottle of kerosene beside my feet and heaved it into the fire, smiling and rather pleased with myself as I saw the last bit of recognizable bullshit erupt into flames.

I was a woman scorned...and I was beyond pissed.

Jasper Whitlock sauntered into my life damn near ten years ago and I had been instantly smitten.

Jasper was a local boy who had made something of himself in the rodeo circuit – being one of the very few that no bull could throw; no matter how much it bucked, swung and twisted.

He was built like a god, slim everywhere but built in the arms and chest. The fact alone that he chose me, pixie-like Alice Brandon, as his "true love" should have set off multiple alarms in my head. Sadly, I was young, naive and in lust.

My father, Joseph Brandon, was thrilled that the likes of someone like Jasper could be interested in a little country bumpkin like me.

I used to hang out with my best friend from birth, Emmett McCarty, daily. We would go mud riding every weekend in his large truck with mammoth tires; during the week, either I kept him company while he worked on his farm or he would come to my house and we would swim in the creek behind my house.

For the longest time, both of our families were convinced that Emmett and I were destined to be together – but Emmett was pretty clear that he wasn't attracted to the type of girl I was – he always dated the tall, leggy, dumb blondes.

It broke my heart to watch him chase the girls he did when I was obviously head over heels for him, but I made a point to not let it disable me and I tried my damnedest to find another guy to be interested in romantically.

I never found one that could hold my interest longer than a week or so...until Jasper. It also didn't help matters that Emmett normally ran off any guy who had promise...asshole.

Looking back now, it was his celebrity status that originally reeled me in – then Jasper went all Southern gentleman on my ass and I was officially gone.

I distinctly remember the day I met him: my father and I went to the state rodeo on a weekend when Emmett had made plans with Rosalie Hale...AGAIN.

I admit I was angry at Emmett; he was blowing me off more and more for that bimbo and I would be in denial if I said it didn't sting that we were spending less and less time together. So, when daddy mentioned that the rodeo was in town and that there was some up-and-comer on the circuit that was blowing everyone away, he really didn't have to twist my arm to get me to go.

We sat down near the front rows so that we could see the action better. I distinctly remember that I was wearing my tight Levi jeans with rips in the knees and thighs, a white tank top with a flannel shirt tied up in the front over it and my most comfortable pair of Timberland boots. I always wore my hair in a ponytail, but decided to wear it down for a change to keep my neck warm in case if they had the air conditioning on blast.

"Please welcome, newcomer Jasper Whitlock to the arena! Let's see if he can hold on to his title of 'Energizer Bunny' folks. Apparently, this boy don't know when to quit, ladies and gentlemen! No bull can buck him!"

I missed the rest of his introduction as the crowd went wild with cheers and applause for him.

I craned my neck to see this 'superhero' and had to instantly sit back down for fear that I would fall.

From what I was able to see, he was gorgeous.

Jasper was currently being strapped onto the biggest, meanest looking bull I had ever seen. I could see the muscles under his white t shirt bulge as he gripped the strap and his grin become even bigger as the beast below him jerked restlessly.

At the sound of the air horn the gate burst open and Jasper and the monster flew out into the arena.

The bull was pissed and did everything it could to get Jasper off of his back, but somehow, he held on. And it was a beautiful sight to see him ride that bull.

Sue me, I swooned.

Of course, my daddy noticed...and officially made it his life's mission to meet the boy who made his typically disinterested daughter giddy...it didn't help that during his time on the bull, Jasper tipped his cowboy hat in our direction.

Yeah, I somehow made it in my mind that he tipped his hat at me.

After his extraordinarily long eight seconds, Jasper got his hand free, jumped lithely from the bull's back, ran and scaled the pen's walls to safety.

The crowd, of course, went absolutely wild. My ears rang from all of the cheering...and my screaming.

My daddy was very pleased to see me take an interest in the rodeo for a change...normally, I sat there, completely apathetic and only cheered when something out of the ordinary happened.

After the other bull riders took their turns having their ass handed to them, I stood up to make my way out of the bleachers so that we could get some refreshments and go home.

Daddy talked animatedly to me about all of the riders, but there was only one that stood out in my mind enough to actually talk about.

We made our way slowly to the concession stand and imagine my surprise when there was a group of people off to the left congratulating a rider with full, wavy blonde hair...in a white t shirt.

Jesus. It was Jasper.

I instantly began hyperventilating and pulling on my dad to get him to abandon the idea of funnel cakes and Coca Colas.

Yeah, he noticed and zeroed in on Jasper's form.

Abandon the concession stand, my ass...he all but started to cut in line to get us up to the front faster.

And I began to studiously pay attention to Jasper...how happy he looked at the adoration he was receiving for his heroics...the way his eyes crinkled in the corners when he smiled at something that was said...the muscles of his suntanned arms peeking out from under the bottom of the sleeves...the way he poured a little bit of his water over his head to cool himself off...and how said water turned his white shirt completely transparent...rendering me a drooling mass of dumb as shit.

When there were only a couple of people in front of us, my father noticed the crowd around Jasper begin to move away to give him some space and took it as open invitational to pull his dumbfounded daughter with him out of the line we had been standing in for the better part of fifteen minutes...right up to Jasper as he put his cowboy hat back on.

I closed my gaping mouth and couldn't wipe off the dumb smile that was plastered across my face.

We finally reached Jasper and my father stuck his hand out which Jasper shook heartily. My dad then proceeded to, in fangirl fashion, congratulate Jasper of his successful ride. Jasper took all of the praise and smiled coyly at me.

"Howdy, ma'am," he greeted me, tipping his hat, "Did you enjoy the festivities today?"

His eyes shown with humor as he waited patiently for me to get my brain to start functioning properly again.

"Ye...yes," I stuttered, "You definitely showed that bull who's boss."

_Omg. Wtf Alice?_ I internally shouted at myself. _Just how fucking old are you, grandma? I bet he did show that bull who's boss...right before going to get a pop and asking Aunt Bee out to the Sunday night social._

Motherfucker.

"Well, I like to think that the bull tried damn hard to show me somethin'...but I have never taken too kindly to animals thinkin' they're superior to me." He replied, the humor still in the creases at the corners of his eyes.

"Right. Superior." I forced my mouth to say anything that wouldn't make me sound like I crawled out of a cave right before coming here, but here I was, making myself sound like an inbred moron...again.

_Jesus, Alice, just shut the fuck up and let the men talk, huh?_

**Bitch, shut your whore mouth and let me try talking to him! How is he gonna be the father of our children if I can't talk to him?**

_Girl, chill the fuck out and let your dad talk for awhile so that you can let your brain reboot from all that sexy...okay?_

**Eh, fair enough.**

It seemed both the angel and the devil on my shoulder were finally in agreement on something for once.

In the midst of my internal struggle, my dad and Jasper were having a full blown conversation, about me, it seemed.

"...well, since you're here for a few days, I'm sure my daughter here would love to show you around!"

Shit!

"Dad!" I squealed, smacking the fuck out of his shoulder, "I'm sure Jasper is too busy doin' rodeo stuff to explore our little hole in the wall!"

Jasper smiled even wider and lifted the front of his hat infinitesimally, "Well, Alice, I would _ love_ for you to show me around! There ain't many people my age here in the circuit and I miss talkin' to normal twenty one year old folks...I mean, if you ain't busy later..."

Dear Jesus, he just toed the ground.

_And, my dear, that's all she wrote. You're gonna be going on an unofficial date with Jasper Whitlock later._

"Well, I actually don't have anything goin' on later, so I guess I could. I need to go home and change before I come back to get you though." I said, making any attempt to get the hell away from here for a few hours to get my bearings and hopefully look a little bit more like the twenty one year old woman I was – not the farmhand I currently looked like.

"You look perfect, you don't have to change anything for me," Jasper said winking at me.

" Well, then, it's all settled. I'll hitch a ride home with Sam and you can just keep the truck for you two." My dad was being___waaaaay_ too nice. He never let me drive his truck – citing that the one truck was more important than fifty of me.

That's a Southern man for you.

"Are you sure, dad?" I asked skeptically, "I could give you a ride home before we go."

"Nope." He shook his head, "Sam already said he would."

"Daddy," I showed him my disbelief, "When in the hell did you talk to Sam?"

Sam picked that moment to walk up to us and shook dad's hand, "I overheard ya'll talkin'. Seems like I'm takin' you home, Joe?"

_Dammit all to hell._

"Yeah, Sam." I cocked my eyebrow at him, "It seems you are."

Jasper almost killed himself laughing at the antics in front of him.

"Well, you crazy kids have fun. See you in the mornin', Alice." Dad said as him and Sam made their way back to the concession stand line...but not before handing me his credit card.

_Seriously, Alice. WTF is wrong with your dad? His truck, no curfew AND his credit card? Has he been drinking the moonshine again?_

I honestly had no damn idea what he was up to, but turned and smiled at Jasper, "Well, what time can you leave here?"

"I'm completely done, we can leave when you want."

"Well, okay then." I said, trying to figure out where the fuck I was going to show him, "C'mon then."

We walked out the front doors to find my dad's Chevrolet Silverado. The damn truck was a monster. He had a lift kit and step bars put on it just after he purchased it, knowing that he would need them to navigate some of our land.

I attempted to hoist myself into the driver's seat after pushing the unlock button on the key chain so that Jasper could get in himself and was shocked when, as I put my foot up on the step bar, I felt hands on my hips...Jasper's hands, more specifically...lifting me up into the truck.

"Ladies first," he drawled politely before striding over to the passenger side of the truck.

I know that my face was beet red as heat radiated from my neckline up.

My breathing began to race and I found myself wanting to crank the air conditioning wide open to try and diffuse the heat that was engulfing my body.

As I turned the motor over, Nickleback blared from the speakers...my dad had amazing taste in music and had made this mix cd a couple of weeks ago...he loved Nickleback.

"_**Better hang on if you're taggin' along, 'cause we'll be doing this til six in the morning, nothing wrong with goin' all night long..."**_

Jesus. Just when I thought I couldn't blush any more than what I already was, I repeatedly get proven wrong.

I turned down the music way down and tucked my hair behind my ears before putting the truck into gear and began to drive aimlessly.

We did the normal 'getting to know you' questions before I turned the music back up a little bit, only to be horrified again:

"_**Pretty little lady with the pretty pink thong, every sugar daddy hittin' on her all day long, doesn't care about the money, she could be with anybody, your body bangs, you're ripping up the dance floor honey, you naughty woman, you shake your ass around for everyone, you're such a mover, I love the way you dance with anybody, the way you sway, and tease them all by sucking on your thumb, you're so much cooler when you never pull it out, 'cause you look so much cuter with something in your mouth."**_

My mouth hung open in horror...that is until I heard Jasper's husky voice singing along with it...then my mouth was hanging open for a completely different reason.

I _ do_ need to go home and change...my cheeky hipsters...

I diverted my attention back to the road and found that we were pulling down to the end of the dirt road where I normally went in my truck when I needed to think...or just to get away from Emmett.

There was an old rope swing that swung out over a crystal clear river. I loved that I could see the whole way to the bottom and watch the fish as they swam below me as I floated above them.

We got out of the truck and raced each other to the bank. When we reached it, I stood catching my breath as Jasper stripped out of his t shirt, boots and then began unbuttoning his jeans.

"Jasper!" I squeaked, "What are you doin'?"

"I'm fixen' to go swimming in my boxers. I'm hopin' you're gonna join me."

I was awestruck as he slid those tight jeans off of his ass, stepped out of the confining material and took off jogging toward the rope. Without slowing down, he jumped, catching the rope and swung back and forth a few times before letting go to fall gracefully into the water.

He resurfaced almost immediately, "C'mon, Alice! Live a little! The water feels amazin'!"

I brought my hands up to the knot in my flannel shirt and tugged the knot open, sliding the material from my already overheated skin. Next thing to go was my boots, the Levi's and finally, the only thing keeping Jasper from seeing me in my crimson bra and panties, my tank top. As I pulled it over my head, I heard a groan from the water.

"I can leave the top on if it's that bad," I said self-consciously...Emmett had been the only guy to ever see me in this state of undress and he always made little comments about my build...apparently, God didn't give me a killer figure.

My breasts were my best attribute: a 34D. I had a small waist, a round ass and a flat stomach.

Honestly, I thought I looked hot...until Emmett made the comments he did.

"Darlin'," he drawled in a very husky tone of voice, "If you put that top back on, I'm sure it'll kill me. I now know what was under it and my mind will be tryin' to visualize for the rest of the day."

I blushed and with renewed confidence, walked to the rope where I got a good grip and swung a few times, enjoying the breeze through my tresses before letting go to flip in the air once before landing in the water.

What can I say? Been doing this for years.

When I resurfaced, Jasper was nowhere to be seen.

I panicked for only a moment until I felt his body slide up mine until he was treading water right in front of me.

His very hard, very prominent erection brushed against my stomach momentarily as he leaned in to kiss me.

We kissed for several very long moments until he shocked the shit out of me. He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me flush with his rock hard body before using our buoyancy to raise us out of the water about a foot before flinging me into the water playfully.

We spent the next few hours in the water kissing and playing around until my stomach gurgled loudly and Jasper said politely, "I think it's time to feed the lady."

We threw on our clothes, opting to stay barefoot until our feet dried enough to not ruin our shoes and climbed into the cab of the truck.

The exorbitantly long ride back to town was full of conversation and jokes – before we knew it, we were sitting in front of the local chicken shack.

After going in and eating, I had officially ran out of ideas on where to take Jasper.

We ended up spending the night out in an abandoned field getting to know each other better and drinking beer.

The next couple of days, we spent as much time as we possibly could together...until the rodeo pulled out of town.

I was heartbroken.

We exchanged cell numbers and color me dumbfounded when he actually texted me first. Through texts, calls and picture messages, we talked more than Emmett and I even did.

After the rodeo had been everywhere it was scheduled to be for the season, Jasper came back to go apartment hunting for his down seasons.

I was ecstatic.

Emmett? Not so much.

Their first meeting was a bit colder than the North Pole at Christmastime.

It actually ended with Emmett screaming obscenities at the both of us...and him slinging red mud all over the front of my house from the mammoth tires on his truck as he spun a circle and raced away.

I gave him the silent treatment for a few weeks until he showed up at my house with a peace offering...a case of Budweiser – always a winner.

We began double dating as often as we could and the boys became tentative friends; I still hated Rosalie, so there was no headway to be made there.

Jasper and I were all but inseparable the six months he lived in town. My father was even hinting around at what he hoped would be impending nuptials for us.

Every time I broached the topic with Jasper, he would quickly change the subject – citing that marriage wasn't all that high on his list of priorities because of the broken home he grew up in. His father was more into the next piece of ass he could get than his own family.

I understood his hesitance about the situation and would immediately drop it, feeling like shit for bringing up such a sore point in his life.

Oh yeah, he played me like a damn good game of Monopoly.

The years flew by...and I didn't even realize how lonely our relationship really was. He would be gone for months at a time and even when he was home, I sometimes felt like I was by myself.

Being his girlfriend was completely surreal.

I, for once, felt like I was a desirable woman...women hated me for tying him down, men paid more attention to me because I was able to "tie down" such a quality man.

Hell, Country Living magazine even interviewed me for an article. Granted, I tried really damn hard not to throw a pity party for myself in the interview...I didn't want to be _that_ woman. The woman who whined about being all alone in her relationship with a successful man.

I even tried damn hard not to take it personally when he came home "too tired" to make love.

Truthfully, I was coming apart at the seams.

So, when he came home last week with another woman's perfume all over his shirt and traces of lipstick on his lips, I completely lost my shit. I confronted him about it in all of my dramatic glory.

He, of course, denied everything.

I, of course, bought into the lies.

That was until tonight.

Tonight was the last fucking straw.

I was doing his laundry and unpacking his things – normally, he insisted on unpacking his bags because he didn't want to "burden me" with the boring task.

In his suitcase were letters.

Dozens upon dozens of letters. All from the same woman.

Tanya Denali.

At first, I thought they were fan letters.

Until I noticed one that wasn't in the envelope. Out of sheer curiosity, I read the damned thing.

I don't know if I'm happy that I read it or not.

_My dearest Jasper,_

_I'm going to miss you terribly now that you have to move on to other shows in other towns. Our time together never seems long enough. The days aren't long enough to spend with you – the nights aren't long enough to fill my body's insatiable need for you. Baby, know that out of everything I'm gonna miss about you while you're gone, know that I'm gonna miss your rock hard cock most of all. I have never met a man who could make me cum so many times. The memories of the faces and sounds you make when I bring you to the brink will keep me going until I can tremble under your touch again. I can't wait until I can go from being your fiance to your wife. Then we will never have to be without each other ever again. I can't keep my eyes off of the ring that symbolizes your promise to me._

_Completely and utterly devoted to you,_

_Your Tanya._

That bastard.

I sat in absolute silence until he came home.

I don't remember much about the confrontation – aside from me shoving the letter in his face, screaming at him and eventually slapping him in his lying face before he stormed out of the house to go to the bar in town to "give me time to cool off".

I sat on the front stoop of our, well my, home for a solid hour replaying the letter over and over in my head before snapping to action.

I began to gather all of his belongings in a pile out in the front yard. Since he was never home all that much, it didn't take long before everything belonging to him was out in the yard.

My anger refused to be denied...just putting his stuff out didn't feel like good enough retribution for all of the pain I was feeling.

I flew around back to our tool shed...looking for the blue container.

We kept kerosene just in case we needed it.

I would be put to some damn good use tonight.

I doused all of the pile with almost every bit of the kerosene in the jug and smiled smugly to myself as I grabbed Jasper's Zippo lighter from my pocket, lit it and tossed it onto the pile – catching it aflame immediately.

And that brings me to where I am now.

I stood there watching the flames dance and lick their way all over Jasper's belongings, smiling grimly as the items continued to curl in on themselves and melt into each other.

I had been so involved in my memories that I hadn't noticed the flashing lights of the Sheriff's car until the Sheriff of our small town was standing in front of me. "Well...Alice...what do you call yourself doin' out here?" "I'm havin' me a bonfire, Charlie. What does it look like I'm doin'?"

He set his mouth in a grim line as he thought how he should approach this topic. Our family has a history of being mean drunks and apparently, Sheriff Swan believed I was drunk.

"Why are you out here burnin' Jasper's stuff, Alice?" "You gotta understand, he wouldn't change, Charlie. Every time he went away, he left me cryin'. I knew what he was doin', but it took awhile to say 'enough', so now we're doin' things my way."

I set my eyes to the flames after my angry little tirade and saw in my peripheral vision that Charlie was floundering with the way this confrontation had turned.

"Alice," he scolded, "now you can't just go burnin' a man's things because he has a wanderin' eye." "Sheriff Swan," I replied testily, "if it was JUST a wanderin' eye, I wouldn't really care – Jasper has a wanderin' dick! THAT -," I said, jabbing my finger at the flaming ruins that used to be Jasper's stuff, "gives me all the right in the goddamn world to burn whatever the fuck I want to!"

My breath was heavy and my face was red – although I didn't know at this point if it was anger or humiliation that colored my features.

"Now, Alice," Sheriff Swan started, "do I need to call Joe?"

Charlie had always been good friends with my dad – they went on a once a year fishing trip to Guntersville every year to get away from their responsibilities and duties here.

I groaned at his mention of bringing my dad into this whole fucked up mess, "Now, Charlie, if I wanted my dad in jail, I would DEFINITELY call him – but since I ain't got bail money on me right now, I think it'd be best if I waited until AFTER Jasper is out of the state. Don't you agree?"

I shot him a look, knowing how he'd feel about taking his childhood friend into custody. I knew that they had already been through that and it had taken them about a year to hash things out to where they could talk without arguing again.

He startled for a moment, like he had hoped I wouldn't bring it up.

"Yeah, well, friend or not, I would have to call him to let him know I was incarcerating his daughter. Alice, do not burn anything else of Jasper's. Watch this bit burn out, then go inside and watch some tv. When Jasper shows up, tell him he's got to go and, should he refuse, call me."

I smiled at Charlie, knowing that this man meant business and Jasper would be out of my hair by sunup. For good.

"I will, Sheriff Swan," I said, turning on the Brandon charm, "I promise, I will be good."

Charlie seemed pleased with my assurance, patted me on the head in the same manner he used to when I was a child, got in his cruiser and left.

I sat and watched the remaining bits smolder into ash. Just as I was standing up to go back inside, Jasper pulled up into the yard.

He stumbled out of the truck, obviously drunk, and staggered his way to my side.

"Havin' a bonfire, babe?" "Had. Past tense," I said still beyond pissed at the man I thought I knew so well. "Well, let's go to bed...we have some makin' up to do."

He slung his arm around my shoulder and I caught a whiff of a strong smelling woman's perfume. My temper flared and I shoved him from my side. "Smells to me like you've been makin' up already, asshole!"

I was enraged, "Let me put this to you as gently as I'm able to – Get your lyin', cheatin' ass back in your truck and go back to the whore who wrote those letters!"

His smile slowly faded into an angry, grim line and his eyes flashed with malice, "You don't get to tell me what the fuck to do in my own house bitch," he spat, "Now, I'm gonna forget what you just said to me. We're gonna go inside, make up and I'll think about not kickin' your skank ass out in the mornin'."

All at once, I became incensed. I snatched my cell phone from my pocket and shot Charlie a quick text. It was only one word, but I knew he would understand..."Now!"

"Who the fuck you textin'?" Jasper was staring intently at me, "Is it a guy? Has he been sleepin' in my bed while I been out on the road makin' a future for us?"

I slapped him right across his face, "HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF CHEATIN' ON YOU!" I was shrieking in his face, "I have been sittin' here, in MY house for months on end, waitin' for you to come home to me while you been out stickin' your dick into everything that gets wet for you! You can't turn this around on me, Jasper Whitlock! It's YOUR infidelity that brought us to this!"

I was shouting, at this point not even caring that not only could the neighbors hear us, but that they were standing outside watching the spectacle.

"How dare..."

He only got the first part of the exclamation out of his mouth before a flash of blue streaked by and tackled Jasper to the ground.

I'm sure things would have ended there, but Jasper's volatile temper reared it's ugly head and he started to fight back. I have to hand it to Charlie, he held his own as he firmly put Jasper beneath him on his stomach, cuffed him and recited his Miranda rights to him.

"Alice," Charlie said, loud enough to have Jasper hear him, "I will have the towin' company come get the truck as soon as possible so that you won't have to see Jasper again. Seein' as how the house is in your name, you shouldn't hear from him either."

I smiled and nodded at Charlie knowing that he would understand I heard him.

I watched the cruiser disappear from sight before walking back into the house.

Things were fixen to look up for me very soon.

**Lyrics:**

**There's no need for talkin',**

**When you're walkin' out the door,**

**There's no need for shoutin',**

**'Cause you'll only be ignored,**

**What's the point of fightin',**

**You already lost the war,**

**Give it up,**

**Give it up,**

**You won't hurt me anymore.**

**There's no need to hide it,**

**Everybody saw your face,**

**Don't even make excuses,**

**I won't make the same mistakes,**

**There ain't nothin' you can do,**

**There's nothin' left to say,**

**Give it up,**

**Give it up,**

**Doesn't matter – it's too late.**

**Took the sheets and tore 'em up,**

**With all the pictures of us,**

**This is for the times you kept me waitin',**

**Piled up everything you got,**

**Poured some kerosene on top,**

**This is what you get for my heart breakin',**

**Burn it up,**

**Burn it up,**

**Burn it up,**

**Boy, that's what you did to my love,**

**Burn it up,**

**Burn it up,**

**Burn it up,**

**Boy, that's what you did to my love.**

**Sheriff, understand, **

**I had a man who wouldn't change,**

**Always left me cryin',**

**Every time he went away,**

**I knew what he was doin',**

**But it took awhile to say,**

"**That's enough, that's enough",**

**Now we're doin' things my way.**

**Took the sheets and tore 'em up,**

**With all the pictures of us,**

**This is for the times you kept me waitin',**

**Piled up everything you got,**

**Poured some kerosene on top,**

**This is what you get for my heart breakin',**

**Burn it up,**

**Burn it up,**

**Burn it up,**

**Boy, that's what you did to my love,**

**Burn it up,**

**Burn it up,**

**Burn it up,**

**Boy, that's what you did to my love.**

**You made your bed,**

**Now watch it burn,**

**All of my dreams,**

**A lesson learned,**

**You only got what you deserved,**

**The roof is on fire!**

**Took the sheets and tore 'em up,**

**With all the pictures of us,**

**This is for the times you kept me waitin',**

**Piled up everything you got,**

**Poured some kerosene on top,**

**This is what you get for my heart breakin',**

**Burn it up,**

**Burn it up,**

**Burn it up,**

**Boy, that's what you did to my love,**

**Burn it up,**

**Burn it up,**

**Burn it up,**

**Boy, that's what you did to my love,**

**Boy, that's what you did to my love,**

**Boy, that's what you did to my love.**


	12. Not Strong Enough

Not Strong Enough – Apocalyptica feat. Brent Smith

**A/N: This will be your only warning for this chapter – SLASHSLASHSLASH. K. 'Nough said. ;)**

I stood at the solid black oak door, my trembling hand on the knob. I was in the middle of an internal battle…my heart against my head.

Tonight was the night I gave myself back over to my master.

He was a good master…but I was raised strictly devout Christian…and led to believe that sins of the flesh were wrong.

Homosexuality, deriving pleasure from another that wasn't married to me – it was all perversion…and perversion was a sin of the flesh.

I had these beliefs drilled into my head ever since I was a small child. Needless to say, these beliefs also led me to a marriage for the sake of being married. There was no passion; no pleasure. I felt so sorry for Isabel…she believed that I had a mental defect that kept me from getting an erection…ever…with her.

Maybe I **did** have a mental defect. All it took was for my divorce to go through and I found myself at the only real bar in town…a notorious gay bar known for its involvement in the BDSM community.

I was standing at the bar doing a shot every five minutes to keep me from blacking out. After forty-five minutes of this, I felt a hand on the front of my ever tightening jeans. I swayed back a step into the bar and raised my green eyes to a set of eyes that were the most shocking blue I'd ever seen.

Before I even really thought about who it was, I crashed my mouth to the lips of the over-friendly stranger.

He kissed me back with a certain fervor before pulling away harshly and placing a sharp smack to my jean clad ass.

"That was the one and only time you will get the pleasure of kissin' me boy," the stranger said in a husky voice that made my cock throb, "I only kiss my subs…which you are certainly not one of."

I stood dumbfounded and more than a little drunk as I watched him turn his back to me and, taking long strides, walked right out the door.

I turned unsteadily to the bartender, "Can I please pay my bill? I need to get out of here."

Laurent, as his nametag proclaimed him, smiled wickedly at me, "You certainly do need to get out of here. Jasper just paid your bill before he walked out. You'd best follow him. I'd bet all of my tips for the next several months that he's waiting outside for you. He never makes an investment he's unsure of."

I stood shocked at the unabashed gall of this Jasper, paying for my drinks before leaving me at the bar in what he hoped was going to be a night of depravity.

I honestly had no room to talk – my dick had never been this hard before.

So, what did I do?

I went to the parking lot, of course.

And Laurent was right. Jasper was leaning up against my Volvo…looking like a sexy demon brought to this world to destroy my soul.

"I figured you'd be out. I just never thought it would be that fast," Jasper laughed.

"What the hell is your deal, man?" I shouted at him, only about a foot away, "You can't just grab someone like that, kiss them like you did, pay for their drinks and then walk the fuck out!"

I knew my face was red, although at that point I had no idea if it was from embarrassment or anger.

His eyes flashed dangerously as he smiled before he answered me, "I came here tonight to have a good time. This is a small town, Edward; everyone knows that you just got a divorce because you couldn't get it up…"

My temper flared at this perfect stranger knowing all he knew about me and throwing it in my face.

"It's okay though, I figured I would see if my assumptions were correct…which they were…as always. You're too soft, Edward. You need someone to control you. Your precious ex-wife might have had a better chance of havin' decent sex with you if she'd just have put on some leather and ordered you to do her biddin'."

"You don't know anything," I retorted much too softly for my liking. He had hit the nail on the head…even though it might not have done any good since she didn't have the equipment I preferred.

"I know more than I think you even do," he replied just as softly, only mere millimeters from my lips, "You just want someone to dominate you…with a large…warm…cock."

I raised my eyes to his, trying desperately to decipher this puzzle in front of me. How did he know?

"You see," he continued, his cool minty breath washing over my face, drawing me ever closer, "I was in the same sort of predicament before I moved here. I was married to a very slight woman…very small in stature. We tried different ways for the sex to be better for both parties but it always ended up with me needin' to control her and her not wantin' to be controlled. The day before we mutually saw a divorce lawyer, I had thrown her down on the bed and damn near raped her. I knew in that moment, I needed to get the fuck outta dodge and do some soul searchin'. I ran across a woman in my travels who liked it really rough. She showed me that what I needed to feel was that I was in complete control in my sexual escapades. Breakin' in to the community wasn't necessarily the easiest thing I have ever done, but definitely the most worthwhile. I was able to find ways to make sex enjoyable for myself…and I also found out that I do prefer guys. I love nothin' more than to break in a new sub and if you feel that this may be somethin' that you find interestin' and want to explore more in depth, I will be more than happy to train you. Until then, if you'd like, I would love to take you back to my place and let you get some well needed relief. I could see your arousal from across the bar."

He once again ran his hand up the length of my aching dick before backing up fully against my car again and waiting for my official verdict.

I thought about it, much longer than what was probably necessary but in the end, I went home with him.

He opened up a part of me that I had always suspected was there, but never had the balls to release.

My first orgasm with him was epic. I almost passed out from the amount of pleasure he released in me.

"I'm in."

A few months later I allowed him to collar me. We had discussed my hard limits as well as anything I might be curious about. I approached him with the topic of wanting to top him just once to see how it felt. He told me about it being a negotiable hard limit with him…used only as a really big reward for a sub when he had done something so perfect there was no other way to reward him.

God I tried. It seemed that I was a fledgling and couldn't get anything right. He liked strict and rigid positions…I was too lax. He liked complete silence unless it was otherwise stated…I couldn't not make noises when he touched me. He wanted a full-time sub…I simply wasn't ready for that yet.

We had talked at length of what being a full-time sub would entail for me. I would no longer be collared in the house…he would actually have me branded like cattle. I would have to give up my job…or at the least drop to part time. Being his submissive meant that I would have to fully rely on him for the things I needed and wanted. That included fiscal dependence too. I wasn't all too comfortable with not having my own money.

After several months of playing together, he was ready to take that final step to fully become my master…or he was gonna drop me on my ass and find a new sub…he never said the words, but I knew that was going to be the inevitable outcome.

I still wasn't ready. I told him so. I told him of my deepening feelings for him; the blossoming love that all but choked me when I looked at him. I also told him of my inability to fully submit to him because I was beginning to want a partnership, not just the dom/sub relationship that he craved.

That was to be our first actual fight. It ended with us screaming at each other, kissing each other and finally, making love to one another. At the most heated part of this argument, I sobbed because I knew, deep down, that I was about to lose him.

He let me top him that night. He said I had done exactly what he had hoped I would do – I fought for him. None of his other subs would have.

He let me top him that night. The feeling of Jasper clenching the entirety of my cock was a wholly ethereal experience in itself. I fell hard for him that night. It was the first time I had ever told him I loved him.

He was not so forthcoming, but I knew it would come in time.

We agreed to try a more traditional relationship…with a few kinks thrown in there.

It worked well for almost two years…until Jasper started getting rougher with me when we were in bed. He still wanted me to get branded, even if I was his partner. He wanted his mark on me.

His need to dominate finally came to a head one night when I was making dinner. I had gone on a bit of a vacation from work so that I could see what it would be like to fully rely on Jasper for my needs. I was almost too happy being the nontraditional 'housewife'.

I had just finished the last remaining course and was about to plate everything up when Jasper stormed into the kitchen, grabbed me roughly and dropped me to my knees. I had seen Jasper angry a few times and didn't want to upset him further so I went along with what he wanted…obviously to feel like he was forcing oral sex out of me.

I let him fuck my mouth as roughly as he wanted because in a sense, I did enjoy servicing him. I had just gotten used to the softer side of Jasper. All the 'darlin's and 'baby's that he spoiled me with made my heart clench.

After he had fucked his anger out, it was like someone flipped a switch in him.

His eyes immediately softened and became panicked as he took in what he had just done.

"Oh, my God," he panted, "Tell me I just didn't force you to suck me off!"

"It's okay baby," I soothed, trying to pull him close to me so that I could hold him to me, "you didn't force me to do anything. I wanted to."

He shoved himself away from me and I could feel the first fissure snake through my heart.

"You didn't." he replied in a very soft and timid voice, "Consensual means that you both know what is going to happen and have given approval. You didn't know that I was gonna come in here and ambush you."

His eyes welled up with tears and he fled the house.

He was gone for at least two weeks…that was all I would allow myself to stay with him not there.

I finally got my shit together and rented a hotel room until I could find an apartment close to my job – if I even had a job to go back to.

I saw him out in public a few times after I moved out; he always would make a move to touch or corral me so that he could speak his peace.

I didn't want anything from him at that point. He had broken my heart and left me stranded with the last remaining pieces of my sanity.

It took me about a month, but I finally gave him his moment.

He apologized, cried, ranted, raved and begged for the better part of an hour.

I finally got him to understand that I was certain that we would never work out again. We were too different…and we wanted two different things. Of course I wanted to be with him in a dom/sub environment, but I wanted more. I wanted it all. He wanted a more controlled environment lightly sprinkled with tenderness and romance.

I left him standing in the middle of his own living room…screaming at me that I would be back.

I found myself going to some of the larger cities surrounding my small town just to go to a gay bar where I wouldn't have to worry about seeing Jasper. Thankfully, I never did.

That didn't keep him out of my thoughts though.

Every stranger I took to a hotel room and fucked – or if I was lucky enough to find one that was dominant, submitted to – was a temporary release and would only numb the pain for moments before I would feel the massive hollow pain in my chest open back up.

These encounters always found me kicking the guy out of my room and curled up in fetal position in the bed, sobbing uncontrollably until I finally exhausted myself to the point of passing out.

It took me months to finally break down completely and come to terms that I couldn't be without Jasper.

I had been hearing around the circles that Jasper had not found another sub and was almost completely absent from all happenings in the community…only coming out long enough to go into a bar or function, look around for a little while, then leave.

I went to the largest and best rated tattoo parlor in the state a few times to draw up an idea for my branding. It took the better part of a month before Mike who was to do my branding and I finally had the final concept.

It was simple. With Jasper, less was always more. It was a beautiful script that simply proclaimed "Property of Master Jasper Whitlock". It was on the right half of my chest and I couldn't have been happier about the final look of it.

The actual act of the branding hurt like hell and it took weeks to heal. I wanted it fully healed before I finally went back to see him…thank God I kept the key to the house. Leaving it would have meant that it was really over.

Now that I'm standing in front of the door to the playroom, I'm questioning myself as to whether I made the right decision or not.

I know not to knock and I listen quietly for sounds that he's not alone in there. Nothing would be more humiliating.

The only sounds I hear from inside are what sound like quiet sobbing.

My heart breaks even more and I slowly twist the knob. I'm silently praying that I don't have a heart attack in the time it takes me to get the door open.

As it silently swings open, I look down at myself one more time; I was wearing exactly what Jasper most approved of: tight jeans and no shirt. No shoes either – bastards take too long to get off.

My eyes flit across the room. It was in need of a good and thorough cleaning.

When I finally saw Jasper, my poor heart thought it would implode from the state my poor master was in.

He was lying on our sleigh bed, curled up in the twisted sheets with his head buried in the pillows making the most pitiful sounds I had ever heard.

I padded quietly over to the bed, and only applying the slightest pressure on the mattress to reach out and gently stroke his hair – one thing I had dreamt about doing for months.

His hair, although soft, was lightly knotted and I found myself flinching each time my fingers snared in his blonde locks.

His sniffles slowed down with each pass of my hand until there was no sound but the light hiccups that remained.

"Jasper?" my voice cracked, "Look at me baby."

With great effort, he turned his head to where he was looking into my eyes.

"This isn't real…" he murmured huskily, "YOU'RE not real."

His eyes roamed my naked upper torso until his gaze leveled on my brand. His breath hissed in through his teeth and he instantly looked **livid**.

"My subconscious has never been _this_ cruel to me before though," he grumbled as he reached out and let his fingers dance across his mark.

"Jasper…Master," my voice tried out the word, "I came to offer my submission to you again if you'll have me."

He mulled what I had said over and over in his mind before his face took on a look of pure anger – immediately jumping from the bed.

"Get the fuck out." He growled at me.

I rose slowly to my feet, "Why?"

"Because," he said, hanging his head in defeat, "if this isn't real…I don't want you here."

"But, Jasper, I _am_ here. This **is** happening."

His eyes flashed with irritation, "I said _get the fuck out_!"

He thrust his hand at the door. I couldn't help but to go to him.

When I was standing only about a foot away from him, I looked at him levelly in the eye and said, "I'm not going anywhere. I need your forgiveness. I need you…in _any_ way you will take me."

I knelt before him, gently grabbing his hand and placing it on his mark, allowing him to feel the raised flesh of the brand and hopefully absorb that this was real.

"If this is real," he whispered, "there's nothin' to forgive. I was the one in the wrong. You did only what was natural in the situation. And then you show up here with my master's mark on you. How could I be upset with you when you gift me with so much?"

That was everything I needed to hear. I sunk to my knees in front of him and gently pulled down his sweats, groaning in satisfaction that he was not wearing any underwear.

I leaned in to place a lingering kiss at the smooth, soft expanse of skin just above his rapidly hardening member.

Pumping him a few times experimentally, I took him into my mouth and began to suck him hard like he likes it.

Continuing my ministrations, I cupped and pulled tenderly on his balls, knowing that he wouldn't last much longer.

A few more bobs and he was spurting thickly down the back of my throat. I swallowed every drop he gave me thankfully.

I wiped my mouth from any residual aftereffects of his love and sat back on my heels waiting patiently for him to make the move to make me rise.

I met his eyes and smiled awkwardly.

After he caught his breath, he put his open hand under my chin, pulling up to get me to rise to my feet.

Jasper caught my lips in a life-altering kiss that threatened my sanity.

"You taste so good, my pet."

"Thank you, Master."

It was the only thing I needed to hear to understand that everything was going to be alright.

**Sooooo. Review?**

**Lyrics:**

**I'm not strong enough to stay away,**

**Can't run from you,**

**I just run back to you,**

**Like a moth I'm drawn into your flame,**

**Say my name,**

**But it's not the same.**

**You look in my eyes,**

**I'm stripped of my pride,**

**And my soul surrenders,**

**And you bring my heart to its knees…**

**And it's killing me when you're away,**

**And I wanna leave,**

**And I wanna stay,**

**I'm so confused,**

**So hard to choose,**

**Between the pleasure and the pain,**

**And I know its wrong,**

**And I know its right,**

**Even if I tried to win the fight,**

**My heart would overrule my mind,**

**And I'm not strong enough to stay away.**

**I'm not strong enough to stay away,**

**What can I do,**

**I would die without you,**

**In your presence my heart knows no shame,**

**I'm not to blame,**

'**Cause you bring my heart to its knees.**

**And it's killing me when you're away,**

**And I wanna leave,**

**And I wanna stay,**

**I'm so confused,**

**So hard to choose,**

**Between the pleasure and the pain,**

**And I know it's wrong,**

**And I know it's right,**

**Even if I tried to win the fight,**

**My heart would overrule my mind,**

**And I'm not strong enough to stay away.**

**There's nothing I can do,**

**My heart is chained to you,**

**And I can't get free,**

**Look what this love's done to me!**

**And it's killing me when you're away,**

**And I wanna leave,**

**And I wanna stay,**

**I'm so confused,**

**So hard to choose,**

**Between the pleasure and the pain,**

**And I know its wrong,**

**And I know its right,**

**Even if I tried to win the fight,**

**My heart would overrule my mind,**

**And I'm not strong enough to stay away.**

**Not strong enough, strong enough,**

**Not strong enough, strong enough,**

**To stay away,**

**Not strong enough, strong enough,**

**Oh, not strong enough, strong enough,**

**I'm not strong enough to stay away.**


	13. REvolve 30stm  A Gift For ggbluma

**A/N: This is the gift one-shot for ggb-luma who was my 50****th**** reviewer in **_**What It Feels Like For A Girl**_**. Hope ya'll like it. Review and let me know…see ya at the bottom.**

Edward/Bella pairing. Zombie/Apocalypse setting. Rated M

**Bella POV**

I stood on the rooftop glaring balefully out across the barren wasteland that used to be Seattle, Washington.

It has been five years since the Immunotoxin had been released full scale. The world had gone into biological warfare in 2014…opting to turn entire states into mindless zombies instead of using their weapons of mass destruction and simply killing them.

Washington was one of the very last states in the United States to be hit…even though having the heads up of what was coming really didn't do much to prepare us. Scientists all over the globe had been scurrying to find a vaccine or antivirus ever since the first attack, but none were able to find a cure.

At first we were all freaked out that those we loved were just dropping dead after being exposed to the toxin…but it didn't take long for our sadness to turn to horror as the recently departed were becoming reanimated as soon as water hit their skin.

The government thought they had the right idea – just burn the bodies of those who were exposed. Very soon, they realized that it was a fool's hope – the people were dying faster than they could conduct the mass cremations…and they were sorely short staffed.

It seemed that once the toxin came into contact with the human bloodstream, it mutated – causing the body to reanimate…and become highly contagious. All it took was contact with the body to catch the 'bug'. For those who were bitten – their immediate future looked far worse than bleak. If inhaled, the toxin would immediately kill the person before mutating…those who came into contact with _any_ bodily fluid…well; they died slowly – choking on their own blood before finally expiring…and then reanimating.

Watching all of the people in your life die like that certainly fucks you up for a while…it took me the better part of a year before I could finally sleep at night with no nightmares.

Some of us were called lucky. Apparently, there was a part of us that repelled the toxin. We'd get really sick for about two days and then we were just _over it_. We didn't know what about our bodies refused to house the toxin, but most of us were relieved.

I wasn't.

I was furious.

What in the royal fucking hell made me so goddamned special?

The only thing I could possibly think at this point is that we all _really were _dead and we were just in a hell of our own making.

I hadn't seen an actual living person in the past year…except for Edward.

Edward had been my best friend since childhood…and as things of that nature do – our relationship progressed through high school. By the time we graduated, we were engaged…happily so and married a year later.

Within a few years, the apocalypse happened and he took on the role as provider for the both of us.

We tried traveling, but soon decided that it wasn't a good idea. The infected population was everywhere and outside of where we were - there was absolute chaos. It was best for us to stay in one central location – less of a chance of us taking any unnecessary risks…that and at least we were guaranteed supplies while we were here. Well, at least until we depleted them.

Edward was out on another hunt. We were running low on meat as well as drinking water.

There were several grocery stores that still were almost completely stocked seeing as how it was only us using the items. Thankfully, there was still power…apparently with only a few hundred people in the entire country that needed power, it seemed we had a never ending supply of everything. And if it ever got to the point where we lost power, we had generators as well as solar panels on everything. We were determined to be as self-sustaining as possible.

From what we can tell so far, those of us who survived the toxin were unable to have children – which was a great relief to Edward and me. Neither of us wanted to bring any children into this world knowing what they would be up against. We didn't know if the repellent genes would be passed down or if we would have to witness our children die at the hands of people who we once called friends and family.

Some more good news is that these reanimated dead people were completely able to be killed. A gunshot through the head or decapitation killed them on the spot without any problems at all. Before the bio-warfare started, I was a horrid shot. My father, God rest his soul, was the Chief of police in my little hick town and had always valued the ability to have good aim when it came to firearms. I was somewhat of a disappointment, seeing as how if I was any farther than four feet away from the target…well, let's just say it wasn't good.

After we found out their weakness, Edward _insisted_ that I learn to shoot a gun. Now that I had very good motivation to learn, I was a quick study. Although the contaminated ones couldn't infect me, they were still VERY dangerous. Their brain functions were very basic. They needed food…and they would go through great lengths to get it. I have seen a survivor taken down by a mob of them – it was extremely ugly. They didn't just kill the man – they tore chunks of his flesh and muscle out with their bare hands until he bled out.

That was the most vicious thing I've witnessed since the toxin was released. I was sorely tempted to shoot him in the head to put him out of his misery, but Edward didn't want me to draw attention to our location.

As you can probably imagine having flesh eating zombies all over the place left us with very little time to ourselves and even less time to be romantic.

Edward always tries to set aside time near or on our anniversaries to do something special, but more often than not, we would have something pop up. That and it makes it really difficult to keep track of everything when you don't have an actual up-to-date calendar.

The last time Edward and I tried to make love to reaffirm our connection was one attempt I'll never forget.

It was our official four year wedding anniversary and we hadn't had sex in almost six months.

I was beyond craving his touch by that point.

Edward was a very sweet and nurturing guy – always wanting long and drawn out foreplay as well as making sure I got mine first. That night, I wasn't having any of that…I needed him on a far more basic level that I would readily admit.

He had just come back from a hunt with the freshest steaks he could find and a bottle of my favorite rum.

Thankfully, we didn't drink the rum until after we were through or otherwise things might have ended up much worse than what they did.

Edward had slowly relieved me of my clothing and I had made his disappear so quickly that I almost doubted that he had worn any at all. He was trying for slow and romantic – but I wanted fast, hard and primal. My need for him was so bad that it was almost a separate entity all its own.

I could tell that he wasn't extraordinarily pleased with not getting to take his time with me but once I told him that I _needed_ it, he was pretty quick to agree to anything. Edward was always one for putting my needs above his own.

He had been in the process of slamming into me when I opened my eyes to look at my beautiful husband. I never expected to see a zombiefied version of my fifth grade history teacher approaching Edward's back. I began to push Edward away from me and back toward Ms. Newton-zombie until I realized that Edward was off in his own little world. I doubt he would have realized even if a bomb had went off in the room.

I reached my hand under the pillows on our bed and pulled out the nine millimeter that we kept for emergency use, aimed and fired without really thinking things through.

Edward had been in the first throes of his orgasm when I fired…over his shoulder. He squealed like a girl for a moment before he took in my pale features and turned around, looking at the bloody and dead body laying less than six feet behind him on the carpet.

He immediately shut down, hiding his emotions from me after that day. It took everything in me to _make_ him talk to me a few weeks later. I had resorted to childish name calling and threatening to leave him before he'd finally talked to me about his problem.

Apparently, he felt that he was to blame for the lack of control. He didn't see that it was bound to happen sooner or later; he chose to see it as a momentary lapse in concentration that could have taken me away from him…never mind the fact that Ms. Newton was closest to him.

He took what happened as a hit to his masculinity that his _wife_ had to shoot and kill the zombie that was threatening our safety.

Jesus. Men.

Since then, we've kissed and hugged…and that's just the end of it. If it goes past that point, he shuts down.

Tonight I feel insatiable…and I refused to be denied.

I heard the doorbell ring before the jangling of keys in the lock to the door. That was our signal to the other that it was indeed us and not danger. The door shut with a soft click as I heard his soft footsteps on the hardwood of living room floor.

I was currently in the kitchen, readying everything else for our dinner. Since I no longer heard his footsteps, I assumed that he had gone into the bedroom to change out of his dusty hunting clothes.

Edward was a stickler for us being clean while we ate dinner. I believed that what he craved the most was some semblance of normalcy…and having a nice quiet dinner seemed to be his only shot at normal.

Imagine my surprise when I felt hot, moist breath on my neck as I gazed out of the window. I leaned back into the well muscled chest of my husband, knowing beyond a doubt that had it been a zombie, I would have already been attacked.

His lips brushed lightly against the pulse point in my neck – his favorite place on my body since as long as he felt the steady pulse through the skin, he knew I was still _his Bella_ – and I couldn't help the moan that left my lips as tremors began to invade my body.

I wanted him in ways that I couldn't adequately express. I hadn't felt this ravenous for his skin, his body, his touch since before our wedding. We had been each other's first – deciding that it was far too important to both of us to just throw our virginities away rather than give each other something so precious as a wedding present.

That first night was pure magic. There wasn't enough time during our honeymoon to sate our needs for the other…if we only knew truly how very little time we had.

I turned slowly to face Edward and had to suck a breath in through my teeth. His normally jade green eyes were dark – the lust tangible. He hadn't looked at me like this for many months. I almost wanted to take a picture of this for in the future when he decided to hold himself from me again. He dipped his head down to nuzzle the sensitive pulse point – his stubble rubbing the surface deliciously…driving me insane.

"Bella," he murmured against the skin of my throat, "Baby, I need you. I know that you want it…I can smell it on you now. I also know that you will probably want it in the most vicious way possible. I _will_ give it to you like that, but afterwards, you will let me take it the way I want it. I need you _slooow_, Isabella. I need to feel every single inch of you. I need you to arch into me out of delirium…I _desperately_ need you to feel that luscious heat build slowly inside you."

The husky timbre of his voice was making my knees weak and I wobbled unsteadily for a moment before clinging to the solidness of his biceps.

Since the outbreak, Edward's muscles had filled out very nicely. He wasn't muscle-bound…he was _defined_. And it was sexy as hell.

"What about the dinner, baby?" I asked anxiously. I wanted nothing more than for him to tell me that food wasn't the priority right now.

"Dinner can wait," he whispered against my lips, "I've made you wait for far too long…I'm not inclined to make you wait another second."

He grabbed me around the waist and lifted me up his body until our pelvises were aligned and I couldn't help myself as I wrapped my legs around his waist – desperate for us to be joined.

I began to kiss along his neck going up to his jaw and gently biting the skin there…knowing that it drove him insane to be nibbled at.

My assumption was correct, as always, as I felt his very hard length nudge me through his jeans. I leaned my head back and moaned. I loved knowing that I was the only person in the entire world that brought that reaction out of him.

I felt us moving, but at that moment, I was absorbed in sensory overload as I kissed, licked and bit every exposed inch of flesh on his neck. I needed him in ways that should have embarrassed me.

In what seemed like seconds, I was laid down on the soft silk of our sheets.

We tore off our clothes – me needing him incessantly, him needing to please me so that he could get the connection he so desperately craved.

By the time we were both naked and panting I was absolutely soaked. I could feel the moisture leaking from me onto our sheets – they would have to be washed after we were done.

We sat back taking in the sight of the other's nude form. I knew what he would see as he looked at me: flushed red skin, pebbled nipples, heaving chest, wild eyes, glistening pussy lips and a slowly expanding dark spot on the sheets directly below me. He was perfection: tousled hair, a dark pink blush staining his skin, breathless pants leaving his slightly swollen lips, dark and feral eyes, a sheen of sweat covering his perfect chest, a thin line of hair trailing from his bellybutton down to the most perfect penis I had ever seen – which was standing at full attention to me…throbbing slightly as he looked me over. The tip had a translucent pearl of precome emerging from the slit.

Edward leaned down to me, brushing his lips over mine slowly before opening his eyes and giving me a pure unadulterated look of unabashed love. I kissed him back violently. I needed his tongue in my mouth…his hard length inside of me.

As we kissed, his hands roamed my body roughly. When he got to my breasts he squeezed them hard causing me to moan loudly into his mouth and arch my back, thrusting my chest more forcefully into his hands. I reached for his beautiful dick blindly. I hummed in contentment as my fingers found the shaft and curled around his girth.

He groaned loudly as he thrust himself roughly into my fist. I pumped him fast and hard, making sure that he was more than ready for me.

He grunted before pulling his length from me completely. I whimpered at the loss of contact until I felt his hand testing me to make sure that I was ready for him as well.

"God, Bella," his words washed over me, "you're so wet for me. Positively _soaked_. As much as I want to bury myself inside this – I _have_ to taste you."

He kissed my lips once more then lowering his head until I felt his breath tickling my stomach. All of my muscles clenched at the vision I was seeing.

Edward's head was mere inches from my dripping core breathing in my scent before letting his tongue take an experimental swipe up my slit. I moaned loudly and let my hooded eyes watch my sexy man worship me with his tongue. He swirled his tongue around my clit a few times and then plunged it into me as far as he could.

He pulled his head back and looked squarely into my eyes as he licked his lips, "That, baby, is the taste of unadulterated ecstasy. If I could only ever taste one thing for the rest of my days – this would be it."

He dove right back in, licking, sucking and nibbling on my overheated flesh. To bring me to bigger heights, he slid one long finer into me, pumping me in slow strokes and adding a second digit. I was a goner.

"Edward!" I whimpered, "I need you, baby. So bad."

He got on his knees over me his signature sexy smirk firmly in place as he sucked the remnants of me from his fingers.

"How bad?"

He was teasing me now and as hot as it was making me, I was in no mood for games.

"Worse than I have _ever_ needed you before."

I didn't wait for him to respond as I grabbed him by the dick and pulled him to me, expertly aligning him with my aching heat.

He drove into me making me squeal out as he fully sheathed himself. I felt so full that I couldn't stand it. I wiggled my hips – teasing him now and enjoying the hiss that left his perfect lips.

He pounded into me relentlessly, giving me everything I needed and more. I felt my peak coming quickly as his pelvic bone rubbed by clit with each thrust, causing me to tighten around him.

I knew he wouldn't last much longer – the tighter I was wrapped around him, the quicker he found his release.

"Oh God," I moaned loudly as the rubber band inside of me pulled tighter and tighter.

My man smirked as he continued to plunge into me and with each thrust ground out a word through clenched teeth, "Yeah, but you can call me Edward."

I loved a cocky Edward…he was hot…and undeniable.

I teetered on the edge for a long moment before a keening noise left my mouth as my climax washed over me. Edward sped up, feeling my contractions around him and just as his orgasm hit, he bit my shoulder…hard.

Edward knew that when he bit me it would drive me on into another orgasm – it always did.

He collapsed beside me, pulling me into his side. I knew that when we had our explosive sexual escapades, he always needed some cuddle time immediately afterwards to soften the emotional onslaught he felt.

"I love you, baby," I murmured into his chest as I snuggled into the warmth of his skin.

"You're my whole world, Bella," he whispered back to me, meeting my eyes for the first time since we had been done.

As we laid there and caught our respective breaths, he gently rubbed my back.

I was almost soothed into a peaceful sleep until I realized that Edward was fully recovered and was stroking my skin with a purpose. I roused almost instantly, looking up into Edward's face – his eyes tender and full of love for me.

My chest constricted painfully…my heart so full of love for this man that I couldn't breathe for long moments.

I reached up to his face to kiss his lips tenderly, trying to convey as much of the love I felt for him through the kiss as I was able to. I caressed his jaw line, trembling slightly from our previous activities and smiled slightly to myself as I noticed that his eyes were closed – he was enjoying the tender touches.

I continued gently touching his face until his eyes opened to me. There was a different kind of fire there now…whereas the last one was a flash fire – this was a smoldering one; burning low threatening to consume us both.

He raised his head until our lips met in a languid kiss. His lips moved unhurried against mine, only brushing mine some moments – other moments the kiss was so deep I felt almost as if we were melding into each other.

He rolled gently on top of me, kissing my face tenderly as his hands caressed every inch of my skin…and mine reacted in kind.

I still loved feeling the flat planes of his skin – hard and sleek but soft and yielding all the same.

I broke our kiss long enough to kiss his collarbones. My husband was and still is the most amazingly handsome man I had ever seen. I had never understood what he had seen in me to make him want to be with me above any other girl in our area – but I was thankful nonetheless.

"Bella," his melodic voice broke me out of my reverie, "Are you okay, love? Do you need some more time before we do this?"

I smiled at the obvious care in his tone, "No, Edward, I'm fine. I was just remembering our younger years and had to ponder for a moment."

He smiled slowly, "What were you pondering?"

"How I got so incredibly lucky for you to choose me over all the other girls that fawned all over you in high school…I never have understood…and still don't understand. I have never been anything special and here I am with the most thoughtful, amazing, loving, _sexy_ and attentive man ever to walk the Earth."

I shook my head for a moment, laughing at the absurdity of the whole situation. I had to have seriously won the mega jackpot lottery in heaven to even be in this position right now.

Edward rolled his eyes at me before kissing the tip of my nose before replying, "Baby, I truly am the lucky one. You've always been so beautiful…so kind…so generous. And you put up with my geeky ass following you around like a sick puppy dog for years. That is one thing that Emmett and Jasper were talking to me about on the night of our wedding during the reception. Do you remember when you came to find me because it was time to cut the cake and the three of us were at the tree line so that the guys could smoke?"

I nodded – a huge smile on my face.

"They had just told me what a ridiculously lucky bastard I was for 'convincing' you to marry me. I completely agreed. I always thought you were the most angelic being I had ever known. I was smitten with you back when we were children playing in my mother's back yard. I knew, even then, that I would do anything in my power to secure your hand. I wanted everything for you, Bella. I would have worked the most boring desk job for the rest of my life to procure a future for us."

I felt a few tears leak from my eyes. There was never any amount that was big enough that I could have given to be this lucky.

Even through the mushy discussion we were having, I knew right then that I wanted to give Edward exactly what he gave me. I needed him to know that although I could be stubborn to a fault, I always wanted to put his needs above my own.

"Edward," I murmured as clearly as I could, given that my voice was foggy with tears, "I need you again."

His brows furrowed together in concentration, "Like we did before?"

I shook my head, allowing the tears to pool somewhat in my ears, "No. I want you just how you like it. I want it soft and slow…I want our connection."

His eyes were perfect examples of how I'd always want my husband to look at me…there was so much love in them that I found it hard to breathe.

"Anything for you, love," he murmured against my lips before slowly sliding into me.

I felt every ridge…every vein of his impressive length as they eased against my sensitive walls and I found myself arching in the bed as if he'd just pounded into me.

My eyes were wide – looking to his for guidance. I had never felt anything so all encompassing before. When we were joined, it was always fantastic, but this was something else entirely.

It took me to a cosmic plane – in a matter of speaking.

Edward's eyes shone down into mine with the same adoration and love as they always have, but I now completely understood where it came from.

We stayed locked in that loving stare for what seemed like lifetimes.

Edward raised his hand and caressed the pulse in my neck, "There is nothing in this world that I don't want for you. You always have been everything to me…as you always will be. To say I love you at this point almost seems inadequate."

As he finished his statement he slowly pulled out from me just to return to me as painstakingly slow as he could. He was making this moment as memorable for the both of us as he'd always wanted.

"Wrap your arms around me, baby," he murmured huskily in my ear.

I submitted to his command and he pulled me up a little from the bed wrapping his arms around me in kind.

Our bodies were so close there was no place our skin wasn't touching.

This joining was so intense; neither of us moved very much – just the slow rocking of our hips to show our unabashed devotion to each other.

We didn't moan as we normally would have. Our deep breaths were enough to coax each other to do what was needed to deepen our connection.

The feelings that were bouncing around inside of me were becoming so extreme that I was having a hard time not crying out.

Edward was still gazing into my eyes adoringly as I felt his muscles begin to tighten.

He hugged me ever closer, reaching places inside of me I didn't think were possible.

My deep breathing was coming out in pants into his ear…as his breaths caressed mine. I could feel rather than hear a small growl build in his chest.

He unremittingly ventured deeper and as he constantly rubbed new and previously uncharted areas, I found myself whimpering with each rock of his hips.

In a giant rush all of the feelings that had been building up washed over me, bringing him over the edge with me. Rather than stopping as we normally did, he continued to rock into me as our climaxes waned out…drawing out all of the delicious feelings for immeasurable seconds.

Finally, he stilled inside of me but kept me pressed to his chest. Our heartbeats matched each other's…beating so hard it was almost as if they were reaching out to the other.

I knew in that moment, beyond a shadow of a doubt that Edward loved me equally to how much I loved him.

Edward rolled slightly so that we were on our sides facing each other. He gazed into my eyes, unshed tears shining in his stunning jade eyes.

The intensity never died as he took my hand in his and kissed my knuckles lightly.

"Bella," he whispered, his voice cracking a bit with the strain of his emotions, "thank you for that. I've always loved giving you whatever part of me that you want. Thank you for giving me your heart…that's all I've ever really needed from you. If we never lived a day past today, I would die a happy man."

"It's always been yours," I said, my voice equally as rough, "as it always will be."

He held onto me, our dinner forgotten as we let the beats of our hearts pull us into the most blissful sleep ever known.

**A/N: Okay, now that was just intense. I found myself bawling by the end of this one. I've never written anything like this and I hope beyond hope that you like your official thank you, ggb-luma. I can honestly say I think I may have poured part of my heart in this one.**

***wipes sweat***

**Whew.**

**R-Evolve Lyrics:**

**A revolution has begun today for me inside  
The ultimate defense is to pretend  
Revolve around yourself just like an ordinary man  
The only other option to forget**

Does it feel like we've never been alive?  
Does it seem like it's only just begun?

To find yourself just look inside the wreckage of your past  
To lose it all you have to do is lie  
The policy is set and we are never turning back  
It's time for execution; time to execute  
Time for execution; time to execute!

Does it feel like we've never been alive?  
Does it seem like it's only just begun?  
Does it feel like we've never been alive inside?  
Does it seem like it's only just begun?  
It's only just begun

The evolution is coming!  
A revolution has begun!  
(It has begun!)  
The evolution is coming!  
A revolution has, yeah!  
(Has begun...)

The evolution is coming!  
A revolution has begun!  
(It has begun!)  
The evolution is coming!  
A revolution has, yeah!


	14. A Peek Into Forever (HEA Twific Contest)

**Contest entry for the Happily Ever After TwiFic Contest**

**Title: A Peek Into Forever**

**Pairing: Bella/Edward**

**Rating: M for language and for hinting at adult situations.**

**Summary: A future take from BD pt. 2. Bella remembers moments of her life with Edward thus far and figures out what she wants to be 'when she grows up'.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight related…*sigh***

I sat by the lit fireplace with my love, his arms wrapped around me tightly…my mind a million miles away and here in the present moment – all at once.

If someone had told me when I was sixteen…nearly three hundred years ago…that the man of my most secret and passionate dreams would be as desperately addicted to me as I am to him…well, let's just say you'd have gotten a really rude look before I burst into fitful giggles.

Yet here we were.

Renesme and Jacob have been married for a very long time…Edward and his son in law were finally getting along – I was shocked that it took a few decades before Edward could stand to be in the same zip code as Jacob without wanting to rip his head off.

After Renesme and Jacob moved from the Cullen household to a small ranch on the reservation, Edward and I found ourselves behaving like newlyweds all over again.

Emmett has finally stopped his vicious jokes long ago after we started having Jasper project our lust to him in concentrated doses. His foul humor afterwards always made for a good time.

The past few years, we've distanced ourselves from our family to spend some quality time with one another…something that I've never regretted for a moment. Time alone with Edward was something I'll never get enough of.

Since my awakening as a newborn, Edward has opened up to me progressively – each new layer unfurling like a rose…every petal, flawless.

Every time I think I've seen all the sides to Edward there were to see, he disproves me and I fall harder for him.

Many things have changed since I woke up, nothing more surprising to me than my infinite ability for my heart and mind to expand – making room for all of the new information and feelings I acquire every day of my existence.

I know that if my heart were still beating, every beat would be for him, telling him everything he needed to know – my devotion, my trust, my adoration, my protectiveness, my lust, my eternal love for him.

He has always been everything I never knew I needed. With him I was better able to pull air into my lungs but I'd always been able to breathe better with him by my side. Without him, I was merely a shell of who I am – who I have the capability to be.

Edward never let a day go by without showing me his adulation for me. His touch spoke volumes of his reverence. No other has ever made me feel so cared for…it was impossible to feel any more loved that what I feel daily.

Although we don't sweat or really ever get dirty, he runs a warm, scented bath for me every evening before we go to bed. It's still funny to me that we go to bed…even though we can't sleep.

Some nights we make love long past when the sun rises high in the sky, others find us just staring into each other's eyes. We've even spent nights sharing memories, Edward verbally, me through his gift.

Edward never got tired of seeing my memories of our time together…even though seeing things through my mind left me unable to hide my feelings about each memory.

The memory of my take on our wedding was his favorite. Without being conceited, he loved seeing his anxious face in my mind. Meeting his eyes, I remember finding myself fighting the urge to hurtle myself down the aisle at him. Even then I was so in love with him. His ardent need for reassurance that I really did feel for him what I do was, at times, heartbreaking. He really never did see himself as clearly as I saw him.

He was perfect – an angel sent to me from a higher power that wanted me to be blissfully happy. If it weren't enough that his was the handsomest face I'd ever seen, his soul was beyond compare…his body absolute paradise.

I sighed contentedly as he held me from behind, running his nose along the smooth expanse of my throat.

I knew that his desire was making itself known to me as he began to hold me closer to him, his hands tightening on my hips.

As much as I loved his adoring touches, I wanted his rough touches just as much. Knowing now how much he held back when I was human gave me a new respect for my husband…the other half of my soul.

He most definitely took advantage of my readiness for less tender touches. It was as if he were able to finally show me with his touch how much he wants and needs me – with such intensity…the need for him was just as strong for me.

I was shocked into absolute stillness the first time he swore while we were roughly making love. I chuckled, caught in the memory of his startled eyes and stunned features while he waited in perfect silence for me to make a move…a noise…anything. I can still hear his voice in my head.

"Fuck baby…"

His chagrin was short lived, however, as soon as he realized that his talking like that only fueled my passion further for him.

We spent the next week making hard, fast, fanatical love. He spent most of the time uttering words that I'd never heard leave his lips before. It was our longest sexual streak…one streak that we try to outdo all the time.

Thinking about all of this, I hadn't realized that I'd let my shield slip and I heard Edward hiss out a breath before beginning to growl lowly against the flesh of my neck.

"Bella…my Bella…" he murmured seductively, "I'd know that you were thinking those naughty thoughts without being able to read your mind, love. You're positively _drenched_, my pet. You like thinking about me fucking you hard…"

I squirmed against him, relishing in the way his marble body yielded so easily to mine.

He pulled me back against me harshly, effectively stopping my movement all together.

As he kissed my neck, he whispered the word, "Forever…"

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o 0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Several hours and many broken possessions later, we finally broke apart, gasping haggardly for breath that we didn't need.

We had just gotten dressed when Edward turned toward me and smiled that crooked grin that I loved so much.

"Come," he beckoned me, "take a walk with me."

Unable to deny him anything…since he is always giving me so much…I took his hand and left our love nest.

Edward began pulling me towards the path that wound along a peaceful stream the length of our property.

I pushed down my internal glee, knowing that he remembered this path is my favorite among all the paths that crisscrossed all over the land. This path was the one he proposed to me for the fifth time on.

We had just moved onto the property. Taking a leisurely stroll along the banks of the rather large stream, he kept looking at me from the corner of his eye before dropping to one knee.

"Isabella Marie Cullen, although you're already mine for all eternity – marry me again? I love you more than the stars in the sky or the years we have before us. I love you with every ounce of my being…more every day even though the thought of that is so impossible to me. You've given me so much – a beautiful daughter, trust, a chance at the redemption of my soul, your unconditional love…and ultimately, your life. You've done so with finesse…never questioning, never hesitating to give me more – even all you have…and everything you are. I can never fully express _exactly_ how much you mean to me…but I will never stop trying. Your life has always been connected to mine. I see that now. Everything that has happened up until the point in our lives when we met was just preparing us for each other. I know that you've given up everything to be with me and that you'd never stop sacrificing yourself for me. I'm eternally grateful for every gift you've bestowed upon me. Make me the happiest man on earth again…I want another vow reaffirmation ceremony to reiterate our deep, undying love for each other."

Of course I said yes. I'd have been an idiot not to.

He says I have given him so much but yet he foolishly believes our scales are unbalanced and that he can never do enough to repay me for being with him.

The ceremony was extravagant and beautiful.

Nothing less than what I'd come expect from my family.

Our vows were said under a full moon and a sky full of stars. Just as we shared our kiss as new man and wife (again), a few stars streaked across the sky. It was just as fairy tale perfect as our relationship had been so far.

Our joining that night was intense too. After we had gotten done, Edward cried silent, dry tears – clinging to me for dear life.

We walked quietly along the babbling water, hand in hand, lost in our own thoughts.

It was times like these I wished fervently that I had Edward's mind reading ability. There's not much in this world I wouldn't do to have a quick uncensored peek into the inner workings of his mind. He was getting so much better at telling me what was on his mind, no matter how it came out or how much anxiety he harbored about such topics.

I was insanely thankful that he was fully coming out of his shell with me. The rest of the family was rather happy too.

Carlisle had pulled me aside one evening about two hundred years after our wedding and told me how blessed the family feels to have me be a part of their forever.

I was truly the blessed one.

"Bella," Carlisle's voice came softly to me, "Would you please come up to my office for just a moment, I wanted to speak privately with you."

I was instantly uneasy – Carlisle's office being the only room in the house that was sound proofed for maximum privacy. I nervously began picking at my nails due to the anxiety I was feeling.

I walked in and sat down in the chair directly across from my father in law…more a father to me than Charlie had been, God rest his soul.

"Isabella," he started off slowly, "I wanted to take a moment while Edward was out of the house to speak with you. It seems he never leaves you long enough to have this conversation with me. For over a century I worried constantly about Edward. All of us were paired off and he just sat by and watched us, drowning in his grief and loneliness. No female – human or vampire alike – could catch his attention. Personally, I worried that I'd changed him far too early for him to make any mating connections. For the longest time, Esme actually thought he was gay…I guess what I'm trying to say is that we're extraordinarily thankful for you, Bella. You've filled out our family and our lives in the most humbling way possible. All of us received something special when you came to live with us…Esme and I got a beloved daughter…Emmett and Rose finally got a sister who can quickly and effectively put them in their place…Alice and Jasper, well, they've gotten a best friend whom they hold very dear to them. Any time you feel like you have no purpose…or if you were to ever get depressed, remember that we all love you – you _are_ our family, Bella. Make no mistake about that. You were predestined to be an eternal part of this family."

I knew that if I had been human at that moment that I would have cried long and hard over his confession. I felt the familiar tightening of my throat as my eyes filled with invisible tears…tears that I would never shed.

I sniffled slightly, the emotions rendering me in small fits of dry tears.

I felt my mate stiffen beside me before stopping altogether as he heard the quiet noises I was making.

"Bella?" Edward's voice was ripe with tension, "What's the matter, love? What has you so upset? It wasn't anything I've done, right?"

I snorted a very unladylike snort.

"At what point," I giggled, "in your life will you begin to believe what I've been telling you all along? I'm a grown ass woman, Edward…and I _do_ know how and when to tell you if you've done something rude, inconsiderate or just plain dumb. As long as you're not hearing it from me, you're okay. I swear to you – I got the sniffles from a happy memory. I was remembering the very first night Carlisle ever told me he was happy I entered all of your lives. Although I've never felt unwanted, I have never felt more like a part of the family then when Carlisle pulled me aside and told me all he did."

I hear the handsome man beside me make a noise dangerously close to a scoff in his throat, "You mean the night he told you my own _mother_ thought I was gay because I didn't find any of the heathens they brought near me attractive?"

I rolled my eyes at his random use of the word heathen…some of the women were more like whores…but I digress.

I shook in silent laughter as he drew me into his arms, his muscled chest yielding to mine – a fact that I still marveled at, "Yep. That's the one."

I leaned back, tilting my head to look into his honey eyes.

My entertainment grew exponentially as I noticed the general dismay forming a crease in between his eyebrows.

"I never thought I was gay…"

His tone made the giggles come back with a vengeance. His melodic voice was almost as a child's, trying to make a point.

I dropped my head to his chest to muffle the laughter at the ludicrousness of our current discussion – I've never questioned his sexuality…only whether or not he found _me_ attractive.

After the honeymoon, he showed me _exactly_ how attractive he found me. There were even moments where I found myself rolling my eyes at the two of us.

I always found contempt in myself for those sickeningly sweet couples that were always touching, caressing and kissing each other.

I've found that I'm insanely happy (which is completely understandable with the sex god I was married to) with his seemingly never ending lust for my body…I'm even happier with mine for his. It was it's own entity…taking over all logical thought, feeling and movement.

I loved him despite everything he is…was…and everything he's not – though it seemed like the not was nonexistent. He was _everything _to me.

His entire family was.

My whole human life, I'd sat quietly on the sidelines – never making noise in spite of the fact that I was, at times, miserable being alone. I never really fully understood my place in the world. I never took into account that God had massive plans for me.

And those plans would never change.

There was one year I tried to think about how my life would have been had I not moved to dismal Forks Washington…I got depressed instantly thinking about how lonely I would have been. I couldn't imagine where I would have been without our family's love and support for us. It seemed that we could do anything – _be anything_ in this life.

All of my options stretched out ahead of me and I found myself sifting through each option only after I worried it over and over in my mind for weeks. I debated on what I wanted to do with my life…did I want to be a doctor like Carlisle and Edward? Did I want to go into design like Esme and Alice? Did I want to go into more hands on careers like Rose and Emmett did? Or did I want to get my first degree in education like Jasper?

He's had his Master's Degree in historical education due to his intense love for every possibility in history.

I found myself leaning towards becoming an English Lit teacher. Reading had always been my favorite past time but I found myself _really _considering it for the first time. Could I, in fact, handle dealing with hundreds of children a day? What would I do if I heard an intruder come into the school?

With all of the school shootings that have been pretty widespread lately, I shied away from teaching as much as possible. I don't know exactly what would be made of a teacher who was shot by an intruder and didn't bleed or die. Of course, this imaginary situation was just that – imagined…Alice would see long before anything happened and we would take him out _long_ before he made it inside or near any children with those guns.

I sighed deeply as I realized how confused about the future I was.

_What do you do with a never ending amount of time spanning out before you?_

I thought of just being a house wife for a few more hundred years but the thought left me cold.

_Er, colder than usual…_

A thought flew screaming at me from the furthest corner of my mind: _Holy shit! I could be a writer!_

I thought quickly through the options of topics I could write about…

Nonfiction…history…science fiction…horror…romance…

_Romance!_

_Oh, my God! I could write a story based __**very**_ _loosely on my life with Edward…the early years and every perfect year after._

I smiled coyly at Edward. He raised his eyebrow at me, no doubt trying to penetrate my shield. I grinned and lifted my shield fast so that the thought would crash into his mind with such force he wouldn't be able to ignore it.

He thought seriously about the idea for a few long moments before nodding his head in my direction and kissed me fiercely.

I knew that if I were able to get my story out it would make people as happy as I am…give them hope for the future.

It was all due to my amazing family…and my awesome mate.

I love my life.


	15. Scared Never Felt Like This Before TFTV2

**Tales From The Void2 Contest**

**Title: Scared Never Felt Like This Before**

**Rating: M**

**Word Count: 4,905**

**Pairing: Bella/Carlisle**

**Summary:** A night out with the girls looking for a fright turns into the most epic night in young Bella's life.

**Warning:** Adult Content Including Language, Questionable Sexual Encounter and Dubious Drug Use

*~~~~~* SNFLTB *~~~~~*

_Why in all things holy did I agree to this?_

I had been asking myself the same question for the better part of the last few hours.

Rose and Alice had talked me into this goddamned cornstalk maze and haunted house. We made it the whole way through the house without getting separated, but the split second I made it into the maze, it was like the girls just _disappeared_.

I had now been wandering this spooky scene from a horror movie for a little over four hours.

I was tired, angry, and scared to death.

I rifled through my pockets, finding the pack of cigarettes and lighter that I had stashed away.

Stopping to light one, I looked at the sky above me–trying in vain to get my bearings. I wanted to get the fuck out of there.

I had been hearing what sounded like footsteps on the dead stalks all over the ground, but every time I turned around, there was nothing there.

To say I was freaked the fuck out would have been a gross understatement…I'd been shaking uncontrollably for the past half an hour. I felt like I was shaking myself to death. Even my teeth were chattering.

I was far from cold…my adrenaline was flying through my bloodstream so fast that I was beginning to worry about having a heart attack.

A short while ago, several minutes at most, I had felt something brush against the skin of my neck. It had felt a lot like fingertips, but I couldn't really be certain. The only thing I can say with absolute certainty is that it spurred me into running through the maze, screaming my head off.

Come to think about it…shouldn't someone have come after the sounds of the screams?

Hmmm, now that I was actually thinking about it – I hadn't heard any sounds from anyone else for a few hours. For all the time that I'd been out there, I should have run into _someone_ by now.

My heart rate sped up as my conscious mind thought carefully about the fact that I hadn't actually heard _any _animals for a while either.

I ran around the labyrinth for a while longer, looking desperately for the entrance…a break in the stalks…anything I could fit through.

I finally ran into yet another dead end, thinking of how appropriate the term _dead end_ was right now.

I sank to the ground and sat there, my head in my hands–my tears flowing freely down my cheeks. I was no longer able to suppress them and the icy cold fear that ran down my spine.

With shaky hands, I dug out my cigarettes again and lit one.

I sat there smoking the cigarette, trying to let the nicotine in the smoke clear my head. I could think much easier if my head was clear.

As I sat there shaking and smoking, a gentle breeze blew through the stalks.

_Isabella…_

I let out an unsteady laugh…the wind was now whispering my name.

My stomach lurched at the thought that I might just be out here with a psycho.

"Don't be ridiculous, Bella," I chided myself out loud, desperate to hear a voice…even if it was my own. "T-there is no one out here. You've managed to get your crazy self lost. Alice and Rose are probably still waiting out at the entrance looking for you. They'll send a rescue party out to find you soon. It would be _so _much easier if your cell phone wasn't being a giant piece of shit."

I pulled the fucking dumbest _smart _phone ever from my pocket and glared at the screen balefully as the corner kept blinking _no service_.

The whispering wind came by me again.

_Isssabella…_

My hands trembled worse than before…that almost sounded like a voice…a man's voice.

I scrambled to my feet and took off again, stopping only momentarily to try and see a cluster of stars that would make an arrow out of here…only to huff out a heavy breath when I realized that the sky was now completely blanketed in clouds. I couldn't even see the moon, for fuck's sake!

I crashed against some stalks in my blind attempt to get out of this nightmarish landscape.

A hysterical shriek left my lips, and I giggled unstably as I felt the rough corn stalks in between my fingers.

God knows, I couldn't even see my hand in front of my face.

_Isssabella…_

My jaw clenched as I fought another scream.

_Cooome to meeee…_

I was officially so scared that I was hallucinating.

I felt the brush of something that felt an awful lot like skin brush against my throat.

_Sooo beautiful, my Isssabella…_

I clenched my hand into a fist and pushed it against my mouth. I was fighting a losing war with the panic that was swelling inside of me.

I officially knew the definition of horrified…the movies never had done it justice.

I felt like my body was shutting down…and was gearing up for a massive fight for my life.

I was hyperaware of everything.

Every sound.

Every touch.

Every scent.

I was beginning to smell a scent that I couldn't quite place…it was dark, sexy, and decidedly male.

My heart hammered in my chest.

I wanted to throw up.

_Isssabella…you're mineee…we're destined to beee together…it's been written in the starsss…_

I felt the same brush against my throat before I felt a quick sting on my skin and everything began to just fade away.

My last conscious thought was, "Dear God, please no."

*~~~~~* Scared Never Felt Like This Before *~~~~~*

I awoke in a dark room. There were dark accent lights all over the room.

I was sitting against a wall with a dark shadow too close to me for my liking.

I was face to face with a set of golden eyes in an otherwise empty face.

The scream that left my lungs at that moment would have put every horror movie victim to shame.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!"

The eyes blinked slowly–no emotion showing in them.

I scrambled to get away from the monster that was in my face but had nowhere to go.

Although there were no lips that could move, I heard a voice come from the figure.

_Isabella. I've been waiting for you for so long. I've come such a long way to find you._

My voice, though shaking, made my anger very clear. "What the fuck are you, and where am I?"

A light laugh accompanied the voice that followed.

_I am what your race would call an alien or maybe even an angel. I've been around for millennia. You are currently in my method of transportation…heading back to my planet…your new home. I expect that you will put up a fight for a while until you see exactly how perfect and right this is. I'm very sorry for having to drug you to get you to come with me, but I didn't see any other option at that point. I MUST have you. It's been written in the stars that I would find my other half in an Earthling. _

"Wait." I was trying not to laugh at this. "I'm your _other half_? Doesn't this sound a bit odd, even to you? I'm a human, and you're an alien. You've been around for millennia…I have 100 years, best case scenario. I'd just end up being a pet to you."

The voice had enough sense to sound aghast.

_You are _no_ pet to me, Isabella. You will live with me…alongside of me…for the rest of our existence. My race is far advanced to yours, beautiful girl. It has been said in our history that we originally started out as human. With the technological advancements that we made, we were able to stop the aging process. We don't get sick, we don't get old, and we don't hurt. You will transform with the proper fluids, and you will be happy with me…after a while._

I sat with my mouth hanging open.

I was to _transform_? What the fuck is going on here? I'd never be happy with this _thing_ in this place. I wanted my family…I desperately needed my friends.

I would even give a kidney to see my ex boyfriend Mike. He was a dickhead. He finally got tired of my refusal to sleep with him and began to beat me on a regular basis until I finally gave up and gave in to him. At least he was _normal-_ish.

This was anything but normal.

"What is your name?" I questioned quietly.

_If you must have a name, you may call me Carlisle. It was my human name a long time ago. I know you must be really scared right now…you might even be hungry. While I was on Earth, I had some food items brought to me so that you'd at least be able to eat one more human meal before your transformation. As I said before, you _will_ be happy with me. I'm not deluded. I know that it will take some time before you see the wisdom in the transformation…and you may even resent me for a while. I'm fully prepared for your wrath, my beautiful Isabella. After you transform, many of your ties to humanity will begin to fade away. Your anger, your resentment–all of it…will just disappear._

"Don't I have a choice in this, Carlisle?" My voice was trembling and my eyes brimmed with tears. Here I was again with a man who didn't care about my wishes.

_No matter what you choose, you will stay here with me. The transformation has already begun. I injected you with a serum that prepares the human body for the transition. Your organs will begin to die. Your skin will harden. You will no longer need oxygen. Our bodies are strengthened to withstand the pressure changes on our planet from that of Earth. Go ahead and smoke your last cigarette, Isabella. You have but one left, and I fear that there are no stores on my home planet._

My hand shook as I tried to light the cigarette but was crestfallen that I was shaking so badly that I couldn't get the damned lighter to spark.

Carlisle gently took the lighter from my grasp, and it struck immediately for him. He lit my cigarette easily and almost vanished before my eyes as I almost dropped my cigarette several times trying to bring it to my lips.

He was back in an instant with a tiny blue pill in his shapeless hand.

_Take this, Isabella. It will calm your nerves. It will do no good to have a heart attack here on the floor. It's our home equivalent to your Xanax. Do not swallow it–let it dissolve under your tongue._

Knowing that no matter what I did, I would have to take the pill, I grabbed it quickly – not allowing our skin to touch. I popped the pill under my tongue and felt it instantly dissolve. Within seconds, I felt a lot calmer. I almost felt like the one time Rose got some weed for us all to smoke. My heart rate began a steadier beat, and I almost felt a little lightheaded. I eyed Carlisle speculatively as I continued to drag on my cigarette.

_I see you are feeling much better…and that you still don't trust me. I'm not bothered by it. I have seen it hundreds of times before. The human half will be resistant for indefinite periods of time. It is extremely rare that anyone accepts their new mate immediately. Worst case scenario, you may hate me for several months until your human emotions fade._

"I won't have any emotion?" I deadpanned. "Then do you even _love_ your other half? What's the point if there's no love?"

His light laughter washed over me again before his voice took a huskier tone.

_Isabella…we do have emotions. __**So many emotions**__. We feel love deeply. We feel joy. We feel happiness…most importantly, we feel ecstasy. When we come together for the first time, there will be no other feeling that I've felt before or will ever feel again that will be that good. That __**pure**__. I __**do**__ love you, Isabella. You're my other half. I want you in ways my advanced brain can barely comprehend._

The husky timbre of his voice made my stomach quiver until I realized I was lusting after an _alien_.

What would my mother say?

My father would have me institutionalized.

"Honestly, I'm having a hard time talking to you right now, Carlisle. Until my transformation is complete, is it possible that I could see you in your human form?"

He laughed again before whispering to me.

_I can appear to you however you'd prefer me to look. After a while, I hope that you can see my foreign beauty for what it is. Look at me, Isabella. See what I looked like as a human._

His featureless body shimmered for a moment before a gorgeous blond man stood in front of me. He was dressed in period clothes from what had to have been the 10th century.

His face was young, his eyes kind. His body was absolutely faultless. His arms bulged out from sleeves from years of hard work. His chest was broad and perfectly muscled.

My mouth dropped open as the uncertain look on his face beamed triumphantly. His perfect lips quirked up at the corner–a smirk.

I don't know how long I sat there with my mouth agape staring at the pristine man before me…finally, his lips parted and the melodic voice that I'd been hearing made their way from him.

"I hope your lack of words is a good thing. I'm not used to feeling anxious, Isabella. The feeling will pass shortly, but it is slightly unnerving. What do you think, Isabella? Am I a suitable match for you?"

I cleared my throat several times, trying to get my voice and brain on the same wavelength.

"I believe you may just be the most beautiful man I've ever seen, Carlisle…even though those clothes don't do your form justice."

My cheeks heated up with a furious blush.

He stepped closer to me, shimmering as his clothing became more modern. He stood less than a foot away from me in form-fitting jeans and a snug t-shirt.

He brought his right hand up slowly and caressed my cheek. His eyes closed at the contact…I admit mine did the same. His touch was tender. He touched my skin reverently.

His husky voice groaned as his fingers slid down my neck.

"Isabella…" My name being moaned from his lips was quickly becoming my favorite sound.

My mind immediately began to berate me.

_Isabella Marie Swan! What the fuck are you doing? He _kidnapped_ you! You have been abducted by ALIENS! Jesus Christ – get a fucking grip on yourself. You should be struggling with him…not letting him get his hands on you. You don't fucking want this, Bella! You want to go home!_

**Well, it's not like I'm going anywhere! He's already begun my transformation! I would never be able to go home anyway. I would look different, act different…this is a non-issue right now. You're not leaving him. You're going to stay…and you will be ecstatic.**

_Go to hell. We're not staying here. We are not going to be the bride of an alien!_

**A HOT ALIEN.**

_Whatever. We're not going to go willingly._

**Look around, dumbass. You have nowhere to go! You can see out of the windows as well as I can. I don't know about you, but all I see are planets, stars, and complete darkness.**

Even my inner fighter was silent after that. There was no way to get home. Even IF I had managed to get out of this craft, there was no way my body would hold up to the pressure and lack of oxygen space was famous for.

My shoulders sagged against the weight of this new bit of information.

"My beautiful girl," he murmured against the skin of my throat. "What has you down? You were so happy only moments ago."

"I'd rather not talk about it, Carlisle…it's just that I'm trying to wrap my head around this right now."

His face looked sad for a few short moments before a beatific smile lit his entire face up.

"Let me show you what you have to look forward to, rather than let you sulk about all that you are giving up."

My heart thrummed unevenly against my chest.

He held out his hand to me, palm up…in it laid a little pink pill.

"Let this dissolve under your tongue, same as before. This pill simulates how we feel all the time. I'm sure that you will find this…pleasurable."

His smirk curled a little more than before as he placed the pill under my tongue. I was past the point of fighting.

_Maybe he'll just keep you so drugged up you won't care that you've been abducted…_

As before, the pill dissolved instantly. And as before, the effects were felt almost instantaneously.

My nerves were on fire. Every breath was a caress across my skin.

My eyes glazed over a little bit from the effects of the pill…when Carlisle saw this, he ran his fingers over my face, down my throat to the neckline of my shirt.

Everywhere he touched, fire blazed.

His eyes followed his fingers down under the cloth that separated us.

I felt like I was being slowly burned alive…and couldn't have been happier.

This was the first time I had ever felt anything like lust for a man…after what happened with Mike, I thought I would never feel this way for a man.

I felt the slowly curling tendrils of desire flicker more strongly in the depths of my stomach.

"Isabella," he murmured against my skin. "Let me make you feel how good you make me feel. Please let me make you mine…in every sense of the word."

My hands found their way into his soft, thick hair, and I found myself pressing his head closer to my throat. I didn't know exactly what I wanted from him…all I knew was that I just _really_ wanted him.

"Carlisle," my voice came out a throaty gasp, "do with me what you will…just _please_ make this ache stop."

He groaned against the pulse in my neck before darting his tongue out to taste the salty skin there.

"Bella," he whispered, "I need you to touch me too. I belong to you just as much as you belong to me. I need you to feel me. _Know me._"

My legs quivered at the raw need in his voice.

I brought my hands up to his face for the safest touching I could stand right now. I'm pretty sure that even if we belonged to each other, it would be considered rude to just _grab_ him.

I gently touched the skin, reveling in the breaths that were panting from his lips.

"Yes, Isabella, know me. This feeling is like _nothing_ I've ever felt before. I need more. Can I take you to someplace more comfortable?"

Unable to speak for the tremors that ran through my body, I nodded woodenly.

He picked me up as if I weighed nothing and carried me from the room through endless corridors.

I could feel him trembling against me as he held me close to him. I felt smugness settle in over me, knowing that I made _him_ tremble.

Finally, a door opened behind me with an audible _whoosh_. I glanced around myself and gasped at the breathtaking sight before me.

There was the large sleigh bed that I had always fantasized about during _alone_ time. The sheets were silky looking. The material was a deep midnight blue and there was lacy gauze hanging from everywhere on the ceiling that swayed in the circulated air.

He set me gently down on the mattress. I was surprised to feel it conform to me immediately. This was the most comfortable I have ever been.

I struggled to get my shirt unbuttoned so that he could put out the fire in my skin and was taken aback slightly when he gently stilled my hands with his own.

"Isabella," he murmured, "This is a big deal for me…being with my other half for the very first time. Please, will you let me undress you?"

My eyes narrowed at his admission, "So, you've never _been_ with anyone?"

"Not a single being. I admit I have pleasured myself on lonely nights when I thought about how you'd look…how you'd feel. In human understanding, I'm a virgin. This is a significant event in my existence. May I please be in control?"

My heart skipped a few beats as I thought of relinquishing control over to Carlisle, a perfect stranger.

I nodded my head slightly, blushing as I felt a little sad that he'd waited for me all this time and I couldn't give him what he was giving me. Tears welled up in my eyes and some spilled over my cheeks.

His concerned gaze drifted over each tear-stained cheek. "I can see you're not comfortable enough with me to give me complete control. I understand and am willing to compromise…I want this to be as perfect for you as it will be for me."

I shook my head and struggled to make my voice cooperate. "No, Carlisle. I want this to be everything you want it to be. I'm just very sad that you're giving me something so precious as your first time, and I can't reciprocate."

He smiled a small smile. "I know that you've been with a previous boyfriend…and I know the circumstances surrounding that. That is why I came and took you when I did. I needed to get you out of there…I just expedited the process a little bit. I'm not upset in the least that you're not a virgin, Isabella. This will be _our_ first time…that, alone, to me is special. Nothing could make it any more spectacular that it will be."

He brought his lips to mine and kissed me sweetly before drawing back to look at me.

His cool hands drifted to the buttons on my shirt. I laid there, trying desperately not to squirm as his fingers ghosted over the buttons, opening the shirt to him…opening me up to him.

As each button was released, his fingers spread the material a little bit – exposing my flesh to his hungry eyes.

Carlisle finally liberated the last button and I sucked in a harsh breath as he slid his hands inside the shirt, pulling the sides open.

His smoldering gaze took in every inch of my pale skin…even the parts that were still covered by my modest white bra.

"Spectacular…"

My face heated up in a blush again as his hands experimentally caressed my skin.

Every touch was like taking an open flame to my skin.

"Carlisle," I whimpered, embarrassed that he elicited this reaction in me. But desperate times and all…called er…desperate measures.

His eyes shot to mine. "Isabella, I'm so sorry. I'm drawing this out. The touch of your skin on my fingertips is like a drug. I can't get enough. I promise you this–I swear I won't stop until you're shaking and satiated."

"Just…please…Carlisle..." I hated how desperate and needy I sounded.

His hands went down to the button and zipper of my jeans. He quickly undid them both, and I lifted my hips in an effort to help him rid me of the offending material.

His eyes ghosted over my body, only clad in my bra and panties. I felt the urge to cover myself up but I fought it hard. If this was going to work, I needed this to go correctly.

"Carlisle," I breathed wantonly, "I'm almost naked, and you are still fully clothed. I find that to be entirely unfair."

I reached for the bottom hem of his t-shirt and slid my hands along the expanse of muscles on his stomach.

His breath shuddered at my trembling touch. I had never been more scared or more exhilarated than I felt in that moment.

I pulled the t-shirt roughly over his head and threw it off to the side, loving the sexy way his hair tousled at the tug of the shirt.

My hands explored his chest slowly – acclimating themselves with the feel of his skin.

The next thing to go was his jeans…and I had to force myself not to giggle like a giddy child when I realized that he was not wearing anything under those jeans.

His legs were very muscular as well as his stomach. A deeply etched V called out to me for attention. It was like a perfect arrow to his impressive length.

I wondered how we'd do this when I transformed and when he dropped the human façade he had put on for me.

Would we even have…our…junk?

My hands skittered over the V, causing his breathing to become ragged.

His face was angelic when my fingers finally found his member.

I ran my hands experimentally over the skin…it was the hardest softness I had ever felt.

Behind my head, I heard the splintering of wood, and I turned my face quickly in fear to see what it was.

Carlisle's hands were crushing the headboard of our bed in an effort not to hurt me.

I felt admiration and just a twinge of fear for this gorgeous creature above me.

His panting stopped only long enough to growl out at me, "Isabella, your touch is unraveling me. I do not wish to hurt you. I want this time to be special and perfect, but it will be flawed with the memory of me hurting you if we don't take this a little bit slow, love."

I shuddered at his endearment. He _had_ said that he loved me earlier.

In movements that shocked me, he relieved me of my bra and panties.

The circulated air teased my naked flesh, and goose bumps broke out everywhere.

He trailed his hands over my overheated skin, and I moaned at the sensations.

_Is this what being on ecstasy is like?_ _Everything he's doing feels phenomenal._

I found myself writhing on the bed frantically. I needed him...badly.

I spread my legs slightly in an invitation to him.

He looked at me hungrily, licking his lips before crashing his lips to mine.

The kiss bordered on painful until the pressure just went away and I felt him nudging my opening with his length.

"Isabella, please let me know if I do anything that you don't like or that hurts you."

I nodded eagerly at him and was instantly filled with his cock. I stretched deliciously with his girth.

He stayed completely still for a moment while my muscles loosened a little to accommodate him.

I wiggled my hips experimentally and arched my back with a supernova of feeling that exploded over my body.

At my encouraging moan, he withdrew from me slowly before pushing back in…the unhurried speed helping me to feel every inch of him.

Every ridge was perfection.

He kept up his leisurely pace, stoking the fire…making it build to a fever pitch. He was bringing me to a whole different plane.

I felt like he was awakening enlightenment in me.

_This HAS to be what nirvana is…_

The feelings ebbed and flowed, pulling at me until both directions won and I was everywhere at once.

Stars exploded behind my eyes, and I let out a howl that would have rattled the windows if I had been back at home.

I slowly came down from my extreme high with Carlisle still stroking me lightly and slowly from inside.

He was quietly groaning into my neck and every single muscle on the man was contracted.

I reached up with my hands and tilted his face until he was looking directly in my eyes. "Carlisle, baby, please come. I want to feel you fall off the same edge I just did. It's the most beautiful thing in the world."

His thrusts became a little heavier and a little faster at my words, and I felt myself building speedily to another peak. His movements became a little jerkier as he neared his end, and I found myself pushing back against him with a mission: I desperately wanted for both of us to go off the edge together.

Only a few deep thrusts later, I was flying, falling…existing in an alternate dimension.

I opened my heavy eyes to see Carlisle. His face was blissful, his lips parted, his eyes clenched tightly.

I then heard the one sentence capable of blowing my world to pieces all over again.

"Isabella, oh God, I love you so much. You've made me the happiest I've ever been."

I felt my heart clench in my chest for its final beat.

I relaxed into the bed and looked at the ceiling…unperturbed by the reflection that I saw.

I saw Carlisle's alien form sitting completely still in front of my newly transformed body, nothing but our hands touching.

Well, I guess that answers the question about how we do _things_ together…

I opened my gold eyes to gaze euphorically into his.

**Carlisle, thank you for coming for me.**

_Isabella, I could never be without you._


	16. The Other Side L2L Contest Entry

_This is my entry for the lyrics 2 life contest…didn't win but had fun writing this anyways._

_Hope you enjoy!_

_Please don't forget to leave a review – I need the love. ;)_

**The Other Side**

"I need my Hyundai pulled around please. The valet ticket number is 6749. Thank you."

Mr. Newton hung up before I could let him know I'd have valet pick up his Santa Fe as soon as he got back from taking his current vehicle. Mr. Newton was always a crass old asshole whenever he was here.

I hated having to deal with his near constant leering…it was as infuriating as it was unsettling.

I grabbed the walkie-talkie from its base, pressed the button and spoke with a clear smile in my voice, "Desk to valet – as soon as you get that car parked, I need Mr. Newton's Hyundai brought down. He just called down so I'm assuming he'll be walking off the elevator in a few minutes. You know how speedy he is so you might want to run."

I heard a husky chuckle come through the crackling static, "Roger that. Has he been leering again, Desk?"

"Of course," I giggle – unable to control myself in situations dealing with my best friend, "when is he not?"

Jasper growled into the speaker, the sound going straight to the pit of my stomach, "Would you like me to _accidentally_ curb check his baby?"

I made a shocked sound to him before laughing again, "It's not that serious, _Valet_. And I need you to take good care of his vehicle so that you'll still have a job come tomorrow. I don't know what I would do without my favorite valet driver…"

I could practically hear him rolling his eyes at me.

At that moment, Jasper jogged in through the automatic front doors to our hotel. The sun shone behind him like a back light…illuminating him – the rays bouncing from his blond waves.

I admit…I _may_ have drooled a little bit.

"Bells?"

My eyes snapped back to focus on his crooked grin and I blushed in embarrassment as I realized he was looking at me, holding his hand out, "Wha…?"

"Mr. Newton's keys, please."

"_SHIT!_" I cursed loudly as I snatched the keys from the pegboard and tossed them to his capable hands. He automatically caught them like we'd perfected this move for years.

In truth, we kind of had.

He'd been my valet, my accomplice, my best friend for the better part of ten months. I loved spending time with him…I loved…_him_.

I hated that I loved him but the heart wants what it wants. Ugh.

I watched as he gave me a wink before sprinting for the door again, no doubt going for Mr. Newton's SUV.

I sighed as I watched his muscles bunch with each stride. The things the vision of this man did to me should be illegal.

Just as the old crotchety asshole stepped off the elevator, I heard Jasper squeal tires around the corner. I watched in horror as Mr. Newton flew to our roundabout where the valet parks the cars. I had to force myself not to giggle as Jasper tossed the keys to Mr. Newton in such a carefree fashion that Mr. Newton was left speechless. He wasn't fast enough and the keys bounced from his fingertips and clattered noisily to the asphalt.

I didn't have to be a mind reader to know that Mr. Newton was beyond incensed. He bent over stiffly to grab his keys and made a mad dash to the Santa Fe where he revved his engine in anger before pulling out into traffic gingerly.

I stifled my giggles again as Jasper came jogging back into the lobby with his famous lopsided grin in place, "_What_? I didn't curb check it or anything…and the cheap bastard never tips for shit anyways. Plus, no one leers at you…but me…"

He trailed off suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows and leering at me in such a way I wished he was being serious.

Things had started to become tense between us the past few months. I couldn't place why or what had changed but there was this underlying tension between us and I had no idea what I could do to fix it. He was looking at me weirdly and some jokes that we used to play around with were now pretty taboo.

I _knew_ what my problem was – I was in love…I just wish I knew if he really had a problem too or if I was just projecting my crap…as usual.

I had a bit of an issue with blowing situations up in my head…it never was nearly as serious in real life.

"Jas," I giggled blushing profusely, "don't joke – it's not nice. You could get a girl's hopes up for nothing."

His smiled faded just a shade and he looked at me seriously in the eye, "I would never joke with you like that, Bella. I'd kill any man who looks at you the way I do."

My mouth went instantly dry…and my eyes watered. I swallowed a few times before my mouth finally stopped trying to replicate the Sahara Desert.

I opened my dumbstruck lips to speak when the phone rang.

"Damn it!" I groaned in frustration.

_Hell, at least __**that**__ came out clearly._

The amusement in his eyes made me narrow mine in annoyance.

The rest of the shift flew by quickly…with very little time for interaction between the two of us – much to my chagrin. When we were able to interact with each other we would have seemingly innocent contact…I'd hand him the keys and his hand would linger on mine for just a few seconds too long to be appropriate. When he handed me back Mr. Newton's keys, he held my fingers in his caressing just the tips for long moments.

My poor heart felt like it was going to go into convulsions soon if he didn't quit flirting with me and the butterflies in my stomach brought me dangerously close to throwing up all over him several times. I felt like a teenager all over again with her first crush. My hands were constantly sweaty, my face consistently flushed. I was perpetually mortified.

As much as I'd like to say I didn't understand what was so special about Jasper that would frequently turn me into a schoolgirl, I knew that I'd be lying.

Jasper was everything to me…he had a heart of gold, was fiercely protective, funny as hell, adorable, laid back, super attentive…_**so**_ sexy…and he was someone that I could tell anything to, knowing that no matter what I told him, he'd always be there for me and never think anything less of me.

He constantly kept an eye out for me because he knew that I didn't handle confrontation very well. Early in my career at the hotel, like maybe my second week, I had a confrontation with none other than Mr. Newton.

I remember it so clearly. I had stepped out back for a quick smoke while it was slow – leaving Jasper at the desk to handle any phone calls. Jasper was our only valet/front desk. I had just taken a drag from my cigarette when I felt hands on my butt. I was still really new and didn't know anyone there long enough to have them putting hands on my ass so to say I was _beyond_ horrified would be the understatement of the century. I whirled to see my assailant and came face to face with the most hideous old man I'd ever seen.

I suppose in his day he _might_ have been handsome but time had **not** been nice to him…either that or God finally decided to make his outside match his inside.

We had exchanged words. Mine were said politely in anger – especially when he basically called me a whore.

Apparently working for the front desk at a hotel makes me a call girl as well.

His exact words?

"Every clerk has her price, baby. What's yours?"

Asshole.

I went back inside shaking in anger and a touch of fear. I had never really been treated like that by someone at a hotel. There had been _misunderstandings_ before but no one had ever stooped to the level of **actually** laying hands on me.

Jasper had taken one look at me and asked me what had happened. I told him a brief overview of what occurred and he was immediately on the phone with our General Manager. He demanded the permission to kick Mr. Newton out on his ass. Our _lovely_ GM in all his awesomeness *eye roll* told him that we couldn't kick him out without warning – only serving to piss Jasper off more. Jasper slammed the phone down and stood fuming until the geriatric bastard came back into the lobby. When he rounded the corner Jasper walked right over to him, punched him in the nose, gave him a LOUD warning not to touch me again and walked swiftly out the front door.

Thinking back now, that _may_ have been the moment I fell in love with him.

**JPOV**

I was so excited that I was finally going to tell Bella how I felt tonight! I had done everything I could to make her swoon. She'd been mine for months – she just didn't know it yet.

_Now or never Jasper!_

**BPOV**

Back in the present I leaned against the desk idly twirling my hair around my finger while my mind took me to places where Jasper and I could be together.

I hadn't heard him approach me but suddenly strong hands grabbed my waist and pulled me flush against a very hard male body.

I struggled for only a moment until I heard Jasper's husky drawl in my ear, "Relax, Bells. It's just me. Shame on you for twirling your hair like that. It drives me crazy."

I trembled in his grasp – his nearness making me lightheaded.

Just at that moment, my relief, Jacob came strolling through the door. I'd never been so happy and devastated to see him in my entire life.

"Jas! Man!" Jacob's booming voice echoed through the lobby, "Get away from my girl, dude."

I felt the growl go through Jasper's chest before I heard it, "Shut up, dickhead – she's _not_ your girl."

"Back to being the possessive asshole again, I see."

My head swam, my vision becoming hazy.

I was beginning to sag against his body. I couldn't pull enough air into my lungs.

He wasn't holding me too tightly – just the opposite in fact. His fingers needed to tighten some or otherwise I was sure I'd face plant on the desk.

My weak voice croaked out roughly, "Jas…catch me…"

"Wha…"

At that moment, my knees gave out.

Thankfully, Jasper's hands caught me under my arms before I could damage myself or any equipment at the desk. He laid me down on the carpet gently before I saw his much panicked face fill my vision.

"Jesus, Bells…are you okay?"

I couldn't prevent any of the words that came pouring from my mouth, "Too close, Jas. You were too close and I couldn't breathe. I love you so much Jas. It makes my chest hurt sometimes and you were just too close…I'm so sorry."

Amusement danced in his eyes, "I love you too, Bells."

I shook my head fiercely as my voice clouded up, "No. Not like I love you. I can't _not_ love you. God, Jas, I've tried **so** hard to not love you but I simply _can't_. Oh my God. I'm going to have to quit now!"

Confusion clouded his features, "Why would you have to quit?"

Tears began to run down the sides of my face, "Because I just told you I'm in love with you! I _can't_ work up here with you knowing that you know. Oh God…I'd have to look you in the face every day."

He chuckled and help me sit up, "Bella, come with me to the dining room. It's empty, I have a surprise for you and obviously we need to talk."

My heart began to trip hammer at the thought of him telling me that I was just some silly girl. I didn't want to have this conversation with him. I wish I'd have gone with my initial idea of writing him a letter rather than waiting for the moment when my brain and mouth weren't in complete control. Not only did I spill my guts to Jasper – I'd went and done it in front of Jacob. I'd never live this down.

Not only would I have to quit this job, I'd have to change my phone number _and_ join the witness protection program…

I got to my feet with Jasper's hands on me the entire time.

He turned to Jacob, "Dude, we're going to be in the dining room – try to make sure that no one comes in…I need to calm her down."

Jacob gave him a dark chuckle before waving us away and logging into our computer system.

Jasper pulled me flush against his body and walked me carefully up the few stairs to the dining area. The lights were low thankfully. I knew my face had to be eight shades of red from being this close to Jasper's body – especially the subtle hardness that was resting against the small of my back.

My heart sped again, just in the thought of what it was.

I wobbled just a little before Jasper wrapped his arms around my waist, holding me tightly to him and leaning down to my ear, "Bella, baby girl, you're going to have to concentrate on not passing out again. I need you to be fully coherent for the talk we're about to have…so breathe."

I concentrated on breathing in and out slowly, feeling my ribs expand each time pressing the bottom of my breasts against the tops of his arms.

_This isn't helping God damn it!_

He let me go with one of his arms and pulled me tighter to him with the other. The hand that had let me go was now gently pressing over my eyes.

I let him guide me where ever he needed me and I felt his lips brush my earlobe, "Okay Bells, sit down carefully. There's a chair directly behind you. I'm going to push it with my foot until it touches the back of your legs, okay?"

I nodded, unable to say anything with him still so close – his spicy cologne filling my nostrils. I breathed him in for a few short seconds until I felt the chair lightly bump the back of my knees. I sat down gingerly and waited patiently, still breathing slowly.

After a few moments of complete and terrifying silence Jasper's hand slowly left my eyes. I sucked in a breath at the sight before me.

The table that I was sitting at had a single red rose in a vase in the middle and before me lay the best looking ice cream sundae I'd ever seen…my mouth began to water immediately.

"I stopped by the Soda Shoppe a few minutes ago for this. I know how much you love a pineapple sundae with extra whipped cream and cherries from there. I need you to know that I _do_ pay attention to everything you have ever said to me. Every small hint you've ever given me."

My eyes misted up for a moment and I gulped noisily to swallow the lump that was rapidly growing in my throat while I waited for him to continue.

"Bells," he stated simply, "I've known about your feelings for me for awhile now…you've not made it some big secret. I think I've felt the same way just as long as you have. I haven't said anything because I didn't know if you'd regret doing anything with me…I don't want our friendship to suffer. I see now that my silence has brought suffering to us both."

He got a spoonful of the sugary sweet concoction and brought it to my lips, "I want so much with you Bella. I can't imagine not having you in my life but I can't let this go on like it has been. I've never meant for you to endure as much pain as you have lately."

I allowed him to place the first spoonful into my mouth and groaned as it immediately began to melt and combine on my tongue. I licked my lips to remove any remaining sugar and smiled at the brazenly dark look on Jasper's face.

"Is it good babe?" he murmured huskily, "It _looks_ tasty."

I hummed contentedly in my throat as I watched with heavy eyelids as his face inched closer to mine. His lips brushed mine a few times before they stayed gently against mine. The contrast between his warmth and my cold mouth was jolting and I gasped.

My lips opening to his was all the invitation he needed and swept his tongue across mine, taking in the taste of the lingering sweetness.

I groaned as he pulled away from me, taking away the one taste that I found I loved more than the taste of the sundae.

When I finally opened my eyes – I gasped at the fevered look in his eyes…what this man was feeling was a fire that threatened to consume both of us.

He lifted the full spoon to my mouth again, gingerly dragging the melting concoction across my lips before crashing his mouth to mine – taking in the sweetness.

I moaned into his lips, his answering groan reverberating in my belly. He swiped the rest of the sundae to the side – damn near coming across the table at me.

"We need to go…_now_!" He murmured huskily, grabbing my hand and pulling me toward the rows of valet keys.

He scanned the rows until a wicked smile graced his face. With his free hand he snatched a set of keys I recognized immediately, digging my feet into the carpet, bringing us to a screeching halt, "Jas, that's **Mr. Newton's** baby! What are you doing?"

Jasper innocently wiggled his eyebrows at me before giving me a sinister snicker, "_What_? I have to park it…I'm terrified of any of the thugs that could be lurking around in the parking deck."

His eyes became perceptibly darker as he pulled me to him in a flash against his body; kissing me deeply before wrapping his arms around my waist and hoisting me over his shoulder – careful to keep my skirt from exposing me.

I did everything in my power to keep my giggles and screeching in…there was no point in getting caught by random guests who would be disturbed by my noise.

As Jasper jogged out the back door, I felt the slap of the icy wind on my face – immediately making me regret what we were about to do.

Running across the street, he kept caressing my ass; warming me from the very depths of my body. He never set me down until we were in the elevator where he eyed me hungrily, attacking my mouth with his in anticipation of the doors opening.

As soon as the elevator announced our arrival and the door slid open, Jasper grabbed my hand and made a mad dash for Mr. Newton's vehicle – the lights flashing as he unlocked the door with the remote.

We climbed in, both breathless and panting. Jas gave me no time to recover, smothering my lips again as his hands made short work of the buttons on my work shirt. The feel of his hands on my overheated skin made me instantly break out in thick goosebumps. He pulled back to take in the sight of my pink lacy bra, the catch of the breath in his throat making my nipples immediately harden, as if on command.

"Bella," he murmured, "this is better than I've ever dreamed."

I giggled; unable to stop the sound from leaving my lips…if only he knew that even my wildest dreams couldn't live up to what was currently happening.

He raised his eyebrow but stayed completely silent, unhooking the clasp of my bra and allowing the straps to fall from my shoulders. He immediately noticed the goosebumps on my flesh and turned the car on, allowing the heat to blow gently across my skin.

"Jas," I whisper as I close in on his lips, brushing them gently with my own, "I've dreamt of this moment for _months_ now…my dreams have never done this justice."

He gingerly lifted me, pulling me across the console and gearshift, settling me on his lap.

"Bells, I wanted our first time to be special but I really can't wait for the moment when I can get you to a bed – please tell me that you're okay with this…"

His fingers did delicious things to my breasts as he implored me with his eyes to allow this moment of indiscretion.

Instead of answering him, I tugged my skirt upwards and pulled my panties down to the floorboards, letting them drop completely from my feet.

"Jas," I whispered, my voice almost whining with the desperate need I felt in that moment, "I need you inside me so badly…"

"Lift up, baby," he groaned as he angled his hips and lowered his pants and boxers.

I lifted up and almost at once felt the soft tip of his manhood at my entrance. I gasped, lowering myself onto him – filling me in the most delicious way.

As soon as I was fully seated on him, I leaned back against his body and allowed his hands to roam freely against my bare skin.

"Bells," his tension-filled voice strained against my ear, "I need you to move, darlin'. If you don't, I'm worried I may fuck you so hard that I'll hurt you. Take control, love."

Empowered by his words, I experimentally shifted my hips; rolling them a few times – listening carefully to the sounds the beautiful man underneath me was making. His pants, groans, breaths and moans encouraged me to move faster on him – grinding more deeply onto his lap. He was touching places inside of me no one else ever had.

After a few short minutes Jasper began to thrust into me from his position, ever urging me on as he kept going fully inside me. His thrust in addition to my grinding on him was coiling a band inside of me and I found myself chasing the tightening of that band. I wasn't dumb but I was a bit naïve and had never experienced an orgasm with a man – all previous boyfriends only lasting long enough to piss me off.

"Bella," Jasper panted, reaching around to rub my clit, "darlin', I can feel you tightening on me. I need you to cum, baby. I'm going to lose it soon and _desperately _need to feel you cum before I do."

His words were like a switch for me – I flew over the edge with abandon, moaning his name as I felt a rush of warm leave my body; completely drenching Jasper's cock.

"Goddamn baby," he growled through gritted teeth as he pulled me fully onto him, pushing himself as far into me as he could. I could feel him twitching inside of me, the feeling not unpleasant.

I groaned one last time before getting out of the SUV on legs akin to those of a newborn baby deer.

The loss I felt inside of me was crushing – I was waiting wearily for the other shoe to drop and for him to tell me that this was all he wanted from me. My mind was whizzing a mile a minute and it took me a few moments to see the few tears on Jasper's face, illuminated only by the street lamps on the top of the parking deck.

_I knew it! He's about to tell me that this was a mistake._

I raised an eyebrow at him, daring him to say the words.

His next action surprised me.

He pulled me to him, resting his tearstained face against my belly, "Bells," his voice pleaded, "please tell me that you don't think this was a mistake. I can't bear to go back to the friend zone with you. If you need to, move in with me but _don't _say this was wrong and we have to go back to the way we were."

"Jas, I would _**never**_ tell you that this was a mistake. Sharing this with you will forever be my favorite memory."

He raised his beatific face to me smiling, "Mine too babe. It'll be a hell of a story to tell our kids one day…"

I snorted and giggled loudly, "You, sir, will _not_ be telling our kids about how I rode you in the front seat of our most difficult guest's vehicle!"

He winked, stepping out of the Santa Fe and grabbed my panties from the floorboard. "I think it'll be good for the old bastard."

Before I could ask what he meant, Jasper hung my still wet panties from the rearview mirror, closed the door and locked everything up tight.

"Babe, we've officially made it," he said giddily, throwing his arm around my shoulder.

"We've made it where?" I asked raising my eyebrow at him.

He scoffed in his throat like I should know what he meant, "Obviously to the other side of the friend zone!"

I laughed as we walked back to the elevator, feeling wildly optimistic about the new life that sprawled out before me.

"The Other Side" by Jason Derulo

I never thought it would be you  
When we were chillin  
Smiling in the photo booth  
But we got closer (Yeah)  
'Till you were eating off my spoon  
And coming over  
And we would talk all afternoon

Tonight we'll just get drunk  
Disturb the peace  
Run your hands all over me  
And then you bite your lip  
Whisper and say, "We're going all the way"

Tonight, take me to the other side  
Sparks fly like the Fourth of July  
Just take me to the other side  
I see that sexy look in your eyes  
And I know, we ain't friends anymore  
If we walk down this road  
We'll be lovers for sho  
So tonight kiss me like it's do or die  
And take me to the other side

This could be perfect  
But we won't know unless we try (Try)  
I know you're nervous  
So just sit back and let me drive

Tonight we'll just get drunk  
Disturb the peace  
Run your hands all over me  
And then you bite your lip  
Whisper and say, "We're going all the way"

Tonight, take me to the other side  
Sparks fly like the Fourth of July  
Just take me to the other side  
I see that sexy look in your eyes  
And I know, we ain't friends anymore  
If we walk down this road  
We'll be lovers for sho  
So tonight kiss me like it's do or die  
And take me to the other side

(Whoa)  
Kiss me like it's do or die  
And take me to the other side  
Tonight we'll just get drunk  
Disturb the peace  
Let your love crash into me  
And then you bite your lip  
Whisper and say, "We're going all the way"

Tonight, take me to the other side  
Sparks fly like the Fourth of July  
Just take me to the other side  
I see that sexy look in your eyes  
And I know, we ain't friends anymore  
If we walk down this road  
We'll be lovers for sho  
So tonight kiss me like it's do or die  
And take me to the other side

(Whoa)  
Take me to the other side  
(Whoa)  
And take me to the other side  
(Whoa)  
Kiss me like it's do or die  
(Whoa)  
And take me to the other side


End file.
